Time Like An Ever-Rolling Stream

...Seems to keep going on and leaving me behind, gasping on the shore.

I have survived Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, and Ash Wednesday.  Again.  My birthday is fast approaching, (and I don't want to think about which one THIS is,) and my Birthday Vacation Week has been beset by freezing rain and sleet, and all manner of unpleasant weather.

On to the Journal.  Some of the entries are drawings or collages this year.  I will attempt to upload photos, but I make no promises on the quality thereof.

January 3. 2018

My words:  Even the mighty sun must give the cold its due.
Sun at last but still COLD!

Hearts see what eyes cannot

Rumi's words:
"Lo, I am with you always means when you look for God,
God is in the look of your eyes,
In the thought of looking,
 nearer to you than your self,
                                           or things that have happened to you.
                                         There is no need to go outside."


-Vincent and Catherine snuggled up together reading on their ledge in the chamber of the falls
_ Arthur rolled up in a ball sleeping in his corner of Mouse's "Mouse Hole"
- The many bright candles in Father's study, lighting reading, studying, listening, and sharing.
- Just a few BATB scenes that make me feel warm and cozy on a Winter's day.

Music is VERY necessary.  

I NEED to sing.

 

Pauses are important.  Especially in music.

There is no joy so transcendent as being fully engaged in singing or playing.  Music fills in the empty places-gives voice to the hidden things, observes with great diligence the silences.






January 4, 2018

-The idea was to write more.  Why the artwork all the sudden?
*The idea is to create, and writing is creative, and often requires little visual reminders or idea generators.
THAT is why the collages.

The days are so busy at work -
I guess everyone was resolved to use their library more this year!

The World is too much with us- too demanding of my attention.
Too busy to play with my art work -
Too busy to rest -
After I get done on the desk I have to set up for Zumba.  It's a busy night!



January 4, 2018

My words:  It means something when a film will not let you go...

From the film:  "Unable to perceive the Shape Of You,
I find you all around me.  Your presence fills my eyes with your love, It humbles my heart. For You are everywhere."












January 5, 2018

Minor inconveniences
But sometimes
The build up of them
Becomes an avalanche
Of awfulness.
Frustration.
Anxiety.
A feeling that
We cannot even
Handle the small
Business of life
So no wonder
The Whole world seems
So messed up.

That is why anything that makes us stop and really think is always so welcome.  Shape of Water is one of those things that arrests your ever-tumbling mind.
Makes you ponder
Makes you wonder
About the true nature of love
And about which things
Really matter.
Makes that mountain
Of annoyances
Back into just
A little bunch
Of annoying things
Reminds you
That we can do this
We can  make the world better
If we remember how to love.


January 6, 2018

His world: A secret place
Far Below the City streets
Safe from hate and harm


Her world:  Where the Wealthy and the Powerful rule...

I'm just a sucker for fairy tales...

A love like no other -

When a story is so well presented, characters so compelling and brought so skillfully to life,
It's no wonder 30 years later we still share the Dream.


The day is called Epiphany.
A discovery
When the Wise Men found the Christ Child
Christmas is officially over now.

So far this day
I have discovered that I don't know what I'm doing with the Paint program
And that this desk is very busy today
And I'm tired.


Story Idea:  It's very cold in NYC, in fact, a blizzard has blown up
So far, nothing is causing a problem for the world Below, but some of their helpers are suffering a bit.
Power outages have caused some to seek refuge Below - mostly the elderly.
Catherine is just getting over a bad cold,and has been reluctant to bring germs Below-
Vincent senses something wrong through the bond, but the weather  ( and time of day) make it impossible for him to go to her - so he recruits Peter, who takes Kanin with him (Just in case Catherine needs to be carried)
They get her to Vincent, who takes her to Father...
From this point a story of getting warm and sharing warmth, of many kinds, as only the Tunnel family can.
It was all still so new- this situation
...and saw the gold band on his finger...
That ring
The weight of it
 The promises it represented.
It's truth -
That he was hers and she his
The responsibility it represented
It was more than just his right, it was his duty to be with her in this, as in all things.
Not that long ago, he would have run from being this close to her, even though she needed his physical warmth like this - It was a glorious and also daunting thing to actually BE as responsible for her well-being as he had always felt himself to be.
That she felt responsible for his well being also went without saying.  She took every precaution to protect him,and this world.
If only she would see taking care of herself, her health, as part of taking care of him, because it was.
He knew she did many things above to protect both him and his world, but she still ran herself ragged, working too hard, doing too much, and not letting him and his family take care of her.
He sighed as he looked at her next to him.  So cold, so worn out, so determined not to be a burden, not to appear to be getting "special treatment."  Never mind that she was one of them, and also a Helper who did far more than most realized, she felt she couldn't "impose" on this world with her needs.
That would end.  He would see to it.  She would be made to understand that he and their family here WANTED to take care of her, NEEDED to give back at least a little to one who so unselfishly gave so much to them.  The physical closeness was no longer a source of fear to him, but a source of chagrin, sometimes.  He often felt, since they married, as though he couldn't keep his hands off of her.  She seemed equally unable to keep from touching him - whenever they were in the same room.  Well, they were still newlyweds, but all of his hard-won self control seemed to  have fled with the discovery that Catherine was right about their bond, that he simply COULDN'T hurt her, even when "lost" in passion because ALL of him loved her.
She had stopped shivering .  He held her close to him his sense of her conveying the rest and recuperation taking place.  Everything in both of them improved when they were close.
He reflected that there were things he knew about her now that he hadn't  before - The taste of the skin right where her neck sloped out toward her shoulders, the delicacy of her ears, and how his nibbling at them could send both fire and shivers through her, and make her moan with pleasure and reach back for him, if he snuck up behind her and "assaulted"  her earlobe.
He knew how completely icy her feet could be at night, and that she loved to place them on him - legs or back, in order to warm them - she now knew that he snarled when surprised like that.

He looked at her finally peaceful face - she was warm now.  Of course she was.  She was at last home.  Safe. In his arms.  In their bed.  In the heart of a community that loved them both.

(See the completed story "If We Had No Winter" at
  http://absentmindedwanderings.blogspot.com/2018/01/if-we-had-no-winter-post-for-winterfest.html )


January 7, 2018

Such a cold, dark, rainy, depressing day.
At least Discovery is back.
And Shape of Water only won Best Director and Best Original Score at the Golden Globes -

When do Oscar noms come out?

And tomorrow is Monday.
Oy...


January 9, 2018
Something feels "off"
Like maybe I have a sinus infection
My head is fuzzy and achy
I have muscle aches
I'm cold a lot
I have a headache that never completely goes away.

Bits of stories trickling out...
Finding their way onto these pages,  I'm hoping I find them all when I start actually writing...


Jamuary11, 2018

Star Trek:  My first obsession with a television show.

The first show that made me
dream, gave me hope -
A big part of my life, and our culture.












So many things have inspired me over the years, but only  Beauty and the Beast has allowed me to write decent fan fiction.
Maybe because it's  all about relationship and love,  and the world it exists in is so well know to all us fans, whereas Star Trek is very fluid in location, though is also primarily concerned with relationships and values.

Was very much wanting to be home curled up with a good book the day I made this.  I actually had time to do this while on the Circ Desk, it was that slow.  When I do things like this on the desk, customers are interested. They really liked it when we had the "adult coloring for stress reduction" program going, and I'd work on a coloring project on the desk, and hand out flyers about the program to any customer who asked about my coloring.

This was a day I wanted to remember how the light looked as I drove to my voice lesson.  A storm was moving in, and changing the direction and quality of the light.  It was surreal.
















January 18, 2018

Work has been joyful lately in spite of short- handed shifts and lots of challenges.
Being able to help people, even if just by finding a misplaced hold, has been very fulfilling lately.
I like being able to make someone's day better.

January 22, 2018

Such a strange time.
Government shutdowns -
Having to shop off- base
because the commissary will be short-stocked, if not closed altogether.
Feeling like I'm coming down with a cold - Matt, too, but hoping it doesn't end up being flu- he hasn't had a flu shot.

Fuzzy edges
On the world
On  my thoughts
My limbs leaden
Too heavy to move
Freezing and then roasting-
 Is it an illness, hormones, or allergies?
Who knows?
My head that
Alternates
Between feeling
Like a barely tethered
Helium balloon
And a concrete block

January 24, 2018

Still trying not to be
Snot: The Slimer of Worlds
Not entirely succeeding.

There are things I need to keep in mind.  Some of the favorites I have saved off of calendars, etc.
"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

"Snap out of it!"  - Mary Engelbreit

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength." - a long time favorite from Mary Engelbreit, not sure where the quote came from.

"Don't confuse your path with your destination.

Just because it's stormy now, doesn't mean that your aren't headed for sunshine.  - from a calendar I had last year.

"If you pray for rain, be prepared to deal with some mud."

And an old favorite, "Bloom where you are planted."


February 1, 2018

I don't know why this one is upside down, nor am I sure how to fix it just now.  (And I've had a margarita already tonight, so no, I'm not going to try that right now.)
My notes say:

(pointing to the Dove sentiment "Go where your heart takes you")  Sounds like a paraphrase of Vincent - "Follow your heart."

Birthdays celebrate the gift of time.
We celebrate the gift of you.
-from a card I got years ago.  It's such a lovely sentiment.

Ah, February- Hearts and flowers and Valentine's Day; and my birthday later on!

Still cool, but no snow.  Sun is warm, though.

"...and even though it's snowing,
Violets are growing.  I know why and so do you..."

"I have phrases and whole pages memorized, but nothing can be told of love." - Rumi

"We are, as a species, addicted to story.
Even when the body goes to sleep,
the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories." - Jonathan Gottshall

I have told some stories.  Now to see if others enjoy them.  One of them came from notes in this journal.



February 3, 2018
Still winter.
As the edge on the wind
and the pale quality of the
sunlight
remind us.
Yet a bird's territorial song
And a Chickadee's scold,
Along with swelling buds
On the trees
Say
Spring is not far away.
Would that our hearts
Could know such a
Renewal
For these days are cold
And hard emotionally.
So many things
 Want my attention
Yet my butterfly mind
Refuses to settle
On any  one thing.


 February 7, 2018

One again with the short bits -
Wednesdays are busy at our library.
The water is out at the library again - probably for just one hour - we HOPE

I look at the piled up annoyances in my life,, and I say no WONDER my blood pressure is up.
Have to plan a wardrobe for two weeks in NYC.  Don't have budget to buy much - don't need much other than comfortable slip- ons I can walk in.
Tis the time of year for the library's least favorite question: "Do you have tax forms?"


February 14, 2018

Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday, all in ONE!
Get your chocolate early, get your ashes later...

New sorter has arrived at the library. We are in the process of installation.
  Very nice young man is our tech.
About 45 minutes left to work today.
Then it's home and a LONG walk.  I was lazy this morning;  I need to make up for it.

THEN, we have Ash Wednesday evening service instead of choir rehearsal.



That's the last of the journal  entries.  Life has kind of been either too busy or too "meh" for me to write much the last eight days or so.
I am on my annual "birthday vacation week" this week, so the weather closings have not affected me, except to make me stir crazy!  It's been a pretty crappy vacation, stuck in the house except for Tuesday when I went to the Commissary, and incidentally, spent WAY LESS MONEY for my groceries and paper goods than I did last month when I had to shop off base because of Cheeto Head and his shutdown.
The commissary is a major benefit.

One reason this blog has been so neglected is that I have been actually writing something besides journal posts and poetry for a change.  I have written some fan fiction stories, and most of them can be found on my new blog,
https://absentmindedwanderings.blogspot.com/

All of my fan fiction is about the 1987- 90 TV series Beauty and the Beast, and I write "classic" BATB fiction, which means the third season didn't happen, Catherine is still alive and well.

The First Week of 2017

Here are some excerpts from the writing journal for this week.

1/1/2017

An auspicious start
Church
Trying a new cocktail
A long walk
Finishing laundry
Reading
Writing
Singing, too
Listening also
To the musician and poet
Whose work I chose as
Writing  inspiration
Reading for this year.

As I went about this day
I saw resolutions being worked on.
I did a 5+ mile walk
Saw a couple looping the streets on their bicycles
Saw a young man walking to the store instead of driving.
As we got out of the car at church this morning,
There was a man out jogging Downtown.

A Bunch Of Lonesome Heroes
Leonard Cohen Songs
This one is deep
But I have a hard time finding references
To bring out what it
Makes me see and feel.
I suppose the basic drift is that the urge
To tell your story before
It's too late is very
Strong in all humans -
Perhaps those "heroes" who
Run the risk of dying
Find it even stronger sometimes.

The line about no one really being able to hear the
one who wanted to tell his story
Sounds a lot like
Social Media to me.
So many can "hear " you,
So few, if any, will listen,

"I sing this for the crickets
I sing this for the army
I sing this for your children
and for all that do not need me."

Not sure exactly what he meant by that,
and I don't know about you,
but I often feel like I'm
"singing for the crickets"
Nobody responds.
But that's okay.
Not everything requires a response
often things must just
be released -
To go where they will-
and the words will
Eventually find
Those who need them.



January 2, 2017


A Singer Must Die
Song by L. Cohen
He has said it is "political in a certain way."

I believe it to be about the politics of a relationship between a man and a woman.

"I will ask for the mercy that you love to decline."

I hope it isn't about to be about our actual politics.
"A singer must die for the lie in his voice."
That SHOULD apply to those in power - but all too often, those who hold power accountable are the ones accused of the lie, when they do, in fact, speak the truth.


A pleasant day
Productive in its way
Though it was a holiday
A parade watched,
Exercise done
Bookkeeping chores dispatched
Practice begun.

The handwriting is part of
what I would practice.
And it is getting better

The piano is still quite rusty -
and I REALLY need to get it tuned.
Not trying to gain new skills,
Jut trying not to lose what
I already have.

My voice is still subject
To unexpected phlegm
Drops
Some scratchiness and cracking result.
But what works has SO much more depth and resonance!

Not taking sinus meds anymore.
Waiting to see if it helps the blood pressure if I don't take all that stuff.

January 3, 2017

Resolutions being kept -
But tomorrow is a true test
Work day -
Yesterday, it got warm,
Over 60 degrees F
Today it struggled to
Stay above freezing.

Gray and cloudy
The North Wind ripped
At the Trees
And any exposed skin
It could find.
It whipped
Wood smoke from fireplaces
And steam from dryer exhausts
Around the  neighborhood
Creating a bizarre
Winter Incense
To hallow the air.

So cold and dark
I craved to be able
To spend more of this day
Curled up here with
My books and my tea
Alas,
Errands,
Chores
Time not my own,

Today's Song:

A Thousand Kisses Deep

Helps to know that it was written for a fan Mr. Cohen corresponded with who had cancer.  She ended her own life, even though for the longest tine, she said Leonard's songs helped her hang on.

Line that struck me most:
 "You live your life as if it's real."
Don't we all?
And just how sure are we of our reality?
I guess we kinda have to agree on a concept of reality in order to function as a society,
and perhaps that's part of the cause of our electoral woes.
One chunk of the country believes one concept of reality, and another big chunk has a different concept.
How we can solve this conceptual dilemma, I have no clue.

But we better figure something out SOON.

 Also thought of the  Velveteen Rabbit
 and how it took being loved to make the rabbit "real".
I must be real,
For I am well loved!


And I wonder, if we loved each other more, maybe we could be more "real" to each other, and that would make it a lot easier to see both sides of an argument, and make decisions that really helped people, instead of dividing us even further.

January 4, 2017

Still cold today.
Even colder than yesterday.
Didn't walk this morning.
Did elliptical instead.
Today's Cohen song:

Ain't No Cure For Love

The line that most struck me is
"I need to see you naked
In your body and your thoughts"

 How much more intimate
 is the sharing of the mind and soul
Than the sharing of the body?

True, for some of us,
The physical requires a more  visceral trust,
but
sharing thoughts can be even more visceral
if one wishes to truly be
"Naked in your thoughts".


January 5, 2017

Today the very air
Seems frozen
I could see my breath
Even in the insulated garage
Did my walking indoors
On the elliptical trainer
Afraid the air outside
Would freeze off my skin.
The sky looks leaden
And dark
The clouds perhaps harboring
Snow within.
The prognosticators keep changing
Their minds and disagreeing
About how much, where,
And when.

I really crave
My cozy home office,
My chair
And a cup of tea
But alas,
It is Thursday
So late day at work for me.

Today's song is

Alexandra Leaving


Cohen's take on a classic about being deserted by all the good things in life -
In this case,
A girlfriend.
He wrote a lot about lost loves.

"Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost."

Sounds like a refrain that could work
even if you changed the name.
Life is often a series of both joys and disappointments.

So many choices of creative things
To engage my mind
And my hands
But those things
Are at home
And I am here.


January 6, 2017

Today's song is Anthem

I've always liked the chorus
"Ring the bells that still will ring
Forget your perfect offering,
There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

 But reading the verses tonight, it seems to me this country needs to hear,
 really hear, this song right now.

"I can't run no more with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
A thundercloud
And they're going to hear from me."

"You can strike up the march
But there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
To love will come."

These verses just really spoke to me today.
We need to be the response to that thundercloud
of hate that has been summoned up -
We need to be out there, turning hearts to love.
How we do this, I am not sure, except that I intend
To show love in the face of hate,
To stand up for those who need me,
To not accept misbehavior from our government.
Do NOT be hateful in my name!

I awoke to a snow covered world
White and sparkly
Cold
Fitting for the day
We pack Christmas away
For another year.
Epiphany
The day the 3 kings found
The Baby Jesus
In Bethlehem.
The day Christmas officially ends.
But that joyful
Giving spirit
Is supposed to live in us,
In our hearts,
All year long.

January 7, 2017

Avalanche is today's song.

And I must say, it doesn't much speak to me.

It seems to contradict itself.-
Speaking of longing and not needing-

 "I have begun to long for you
I who have no greed.
I have begun to ask for you
I who have no need."

Maybe it speaks more than I thought -
makes me think of more than a few pairs of star-crossed lovers I have read about -

Another white-bright day -
But I cannot shelter here
I have to go and earn my pay
Time to library, my dear.
And will it be a quiet day
Except for the phone-
All wanting to renew, they say,
So they may remain snug
At home...

January 8, 2017

Today is Sunday
One full week in this
New Year.
The weather today is
 A little warmer
A lot breezier
More snow melted, evaporated,
Gone.

Church done for another week
Wednesday will hold a  rehearsal again
The Odd routine of Holidays
Ended.
We will miss the next
Great feast -
We will be away for Easter Day - traveling -
And will travel home on
The Bombing anniversary.
If our nation hasn't been destroyed
By then.
I know the idiot-elect will try.

 Today's song is Ballad of the Absent Mare

and a long and involved thing it is.
Much like the relationships it alludes to.
Man and woman
Man and Nature
Man and God
All these are difficult
Almost as impossible
As a human's relationship
To him- or her- self.

We all have our moments
Of loss, anger, seeking, finding, rejoicing, reveling, mourning,

This is what makes us human.
This is what can unite us
If we but let it.
Stories,
Stories of how we got to where we are,
Why we feel the way we feel,
What we learned about ourselves and others
Along the way.
If we but sit still and LISTEN
To one another,
We can finally, finally
SEE each other.
Know we are all so much the same.
In the same boat
Afloat in a scary
Universe.
We can comfort each other
We can help each other
We can build a BETTER world
If we can only learn to LISTEN
To each other.

Poems du Jour

Seasonal Weather
By C.K. Armistead
12/27/2015

That Vandal, Banshee wind
Charges down the plains
From the North
Roaring its displeasure
Rattling fences,
Overturning suburban trashcans
Making the steam rising
From the neighbor's heating vent
A ragged banner, flung violently
Southward,
As if issuing a challenge to Texas.

The sparrows huddle in the
Lee of the house
Popping out now and then
To steal seed from the feeder
And return to the shelter
Of the small evergreen shrub
Beneath my window.
Breathless in the face
Of the wind's onslaught.

And here I sit, behind double-paned windows
Cozy in my room, cup of hot tea
In my hand
And books to warm my soul
Insulated from
That howling Banshee's roar
Though I can feel it,
Yes I can.
An ache, a twinge of warning
In my joints, in my very bones.
Winter has arrived
In his noisy chariot
Behind his howling steeds.


Second Wave
By C.K. Armistead 12/27/15

Now Winter's most insidious minion,
Cold
Picks and pries and seeps his way
Into our homes, into our bones.
All our modern comforts cannot
Completely banish him.
He finds the loosely fitted window,
The poorly insulated wall,
The edge of an aging floorboard
And flings his icy darts at us
As we read, or rest.
At night, only the warmth
Of many blankets-
And our bodies -
Keeps him at bay.
But when you must get up,
He waits to nip at your toes,
And breathe chills down your neck.
There is a warmth in our hearts, though,
That can thwart him.
Love.
Thoughts of those we love
Can send warmth spreading
Outward from our hearts
And can stop Winter's true cold
From harming us.


Oklahoma: 12/27/15
C.K.Armistead

Grey
So dreary and dull
The Oklahoma sky that usually
Sparkles the bluest blue
Cold
So cold that the North wind comes
Screaming down the plains
Freezing the puddles
Trapping the fallen oak leaves there
Like flies in amber
Snow
Not pretty, not yet.
Just a hardscrabble
Central Oklahoma frosting
 So far-
of snow and fallen sleet
Dead grass, dry leaves
And bare branches
Still plain to see.

Pop's Pen
CK Armistead 12/27/15

Fountain pens are living things
Tools with a soul-
Closely associated
With the one who uses them
Many have I collected,
Some very fine
And a joy to use,
But this one,
This one is special.
It's been to War
And back.
It's written letters I've never read.
It has languished long years
Saved in a drawer
Unused.
Its song stilled.
I have inherited it,
Cleaned it,
Refilled it,
And given it a chance.
Now it sings for me
Helping me tell my stories
And remembering
My Pop for me
By the wear of its nib,
The wear on its body,
And the fine accuracy
 Of its point.

The Last Advent Candle Is Lit - On The First Day Of Winter

The shortest day, the longest night of the year, perhaps the coldest where you may be, perhaps the opposite in all regards if you live in the Southern Hemisphere.

Here, this day is dark, dreary, and COLD.  The news abroad in the world isn't much brighter.  In fact, a lot of it is worse.  There is death from disease, poverty, and murder, there is hatred, there is war.  No world for a child to be born into.
Arguably, it was the same more than two thousand years ago, when the Child some of us celebrate came into this world.  That was no time for a child to be born.  The land he was born into was under the rule of Imperial Rome.  For the Israelites, it was difficult, dangerous, and offensive to live under the sway of a pagan regime.
This theme is not a new one, in fact, I find it hard to say this in a way that might sound new.  Many have observed that this world is almost NEVER joyful, or at peace, or even safe for everyone.  Perhaps the theme is best remembered from the old carol I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day

You can hear the song and read the lyricsHERE
..."And in despair I bowed my head,
   There is no peace on earth, I said
    For hate is strong, and mocks the song
   Of Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men."

That verse was written in 1867.  (By Longfellow.  No wonder I've always loved it. )  Surely, peace was hard to come by, and strife very strong indeed.  So it is today.  There are wars ongoing in many places, there are horrible diseases ravaging populations, there is hatred and unrest in our very own nation.  Perhaps because we continually lose sight of the meaning behind this season.  Even if we catch up with the "true Spirit of Christmas" during the holiday itself, we lose it along the way. ALL of us.  Even those of us who really try.  We ALL need to try harder, to commit ourselves anew to remembering that Love chose to be born into this world as a tiny baby, in an occupied country, to an  oppressed minority.  That ALL the religious leaders who have ever been  revered in this world have stressed that LOVE is the only really important thing.  Love of God, love of others, the kind of love that shares and helps and believes and hopes.
May the God of Love forgive us, we have tainted that message.  We have killed in the name of religion, used our different beliefs as a license to revile and condemn those who disagree, totally ignored the more difficult call to love our enemies.
How easy it is to hate.  What a lazy way to deal with others.  Never try to see the other side of an issue, never tolerate for a moment the idea that you may be wrong, that maybe GOD would want you to listen and to reserve judgement.  So easy to get caught up in the clamoring of those who would rush to condemnation and revenge.  It is difficult to stand with Love.  Love is hard work.  You may well love someone, but not like them very much some days.  Love is stronger, deeper, and more reliable than mere liking.  How difficult it must have been for that Child, born into such a desolate land and people, to look with love upon those who reviled him because of his faith, his ethnicity.  How much MORE difficult when the ones who were his own people reviled him because he dared to preach love and forgiveness and not revolution.
Those of us who claim to be followers of that Child, followers of Christ, we have a lot of bad behavior to answer for.  We have not listened with our hearts to His call to love.  We have let Him down, let each other down, and let the world down.  We are NOT called to hate, to sit in judgement, to FORCE others to agree with us, we are called to LOVE.  It is the the single most difficult thing I have ever pondered doing.  It is even harder in practice.  Yes, we are forgiven our sins, IF we repent and recognize that we have done wrong, our resolve to do better will be blessed.  He who came and offered Himself for us in love, loves us still.  No matter WHAT we have done, it breaks His heart, I am sure, because He loves us, and WANTS that better world for us.  The world we would have if we ALL lived by the words given us by the leaders of our faiths.  If we live by love.
I do not exempt myself from guilt.  I tend to be self-centered, having lived a lot of my childhood with no playmates to speak of, I did not have to learn much about sharing and cooperation until I started school.  I am the absolute WORST at thinking of others first, of reacting immediately with love.  I do try, I remind myself, I pray for help, but I still fall FAR short.  I am still far too judgmental, even if only in my own head.  (Our thoughts can and do affect our actions, so ...)
I can only promise that I am TRYING to change.  Every single day.  For those of you who interact regularly with me, if I have hurt you, failed you, otherwise let you down, I am sorry.  I do love you, I care for you, and I don't WANT to hurt you.  (Especially my most long-suffering and loving spouse, who loves me in spite of my many, many faults.)  My gift to you at this season, and every day of every year is that I will do my utmost to learn to react first from LOVE instead of selfishness.
If all of us try that, maybe, just maybe, the world will be a brighter place.

As for the devastating news that's been circulating lately, of killings and hate, well, it is nothing new.  Those of us who were here in Oklahoma City in 1995 can tell you that.  Our church was damaged in that act of violence, and that Christmas (and the next) we were stuck worshiping in the parish hall.  I wrote a poem about it.  I'd like to share it again, if you'll indulge me:

Christmas Eve
By Carolyn Kay Armistead, 1996

The scent of pine needles, incense, and candlewax fill the air.
There is much confusion about the processional, and just who goes where.
But the night is full of magic, wonder and joy
As our Christian family prepares once again to welcome the baby boy.

The baby boy who came into a world of uncertainty and pain,
Who understands how we feel, being in Dean Willey Hall again,
And not in our beautiful Cathedral, with its comfort and sacredness.
He knows how it feels to deal with hatred's harmful effects.

Well He knows our sorrow, our impatience and our pain
And yet He makes us glad to be together, even if in the Hall again.
For He was not born in a fancy palace, or a hospital clean and grand;
But in a lowly stable, with cows, sheep and shepherds close to hand.

If He could be content with a birthplace so quiet and humble;
Who are we to be unhappy with our lot and to grumble?
After all, we are safe and still together, and together we still can sing
The same joyful song of angels, and isn't that the most important thing?


Yes, we still had each other, and that was indeed the most beautiful and important thing.  I see many of those same faces in the choir and the congregation this year, and I am so very glad to see them.  These are my fellow travelers on this road of faith, this difficult journey of trying to live up to the gift of love we have been given.  It wasn't easy then, and it still isn't.

Yes, there is a LOT wrong with this world, there is a lot of hatred and fear.  There is also Love.  I have found those who love almost everywhere I go, including the Internet and social media.  Yes, there are sour and negative and hateful people just about everywhere, but if you look, there's an awful lot of loving and kind ones, too.  Let that give you hope this season, and remember, BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD.  If YOU don't react with love, how will love grow?
Back to that Christmas carol.  The next to the last verse says this all so much more succinctly.
"Then pealed the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep.
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

(Down, feminists; "men" was an accepted abbreviation for "human". I believe largely because the Greek Anthropos was translated as "man" instead of "human", or "mankind". )

On this longest night of the year, on this very cold day, when the darkness seems so ready to crush us and put us all in the cold, let us light the fourth candle of Advent, the candle of Peace.
To quote an old TV show I happen to be very fond of, let us remember that darkness is merely the absence of light, and all winters end!

Let us resolve to try and BE the light!
LOVE to you and PEACE!

The Advent Wreath 

Wait! It's Not Supposed To Be Winter Yet!!

Early Winter
By C.K. Armistead
Nov 16, 2014

Freezing air that greets
My reluctantly waking feets
I pull them back under the sheets
While the alarm clock uselessly bleats.

Seeking warmth, I hit the shower
Hot water seems to take an hour
Before it gets to its full power
Helping sweeten my mood so sour.

Joints that normally don't pain me
Today rebel and seek to blame me
For the cold that seems to contain me
Making them all inflamed, you see.

Oh, the joy of my cozy nook
To curl up and read a book
A window to help me look
Upon the trees by cold winds shook.

  

Winter Signs on A Fall Afternoon
C.K. Armistead
Nov. 2014

Swirling, falling drifting
Lightly dusting and sifting,
Flakes flying on north winds
Coating shrubs and ground again.

Fluffing, chattering, then still
Sparrows huddled on my windowsill.
Waiting for a decrease in the wind
So they can go after the seeds again.

The singing kettle, the bubbling pot
On the stove, making a lot
Of good things to drink and eat
To take our minds off of snow and sleet.

To keep the cabin fever away,
Time on the elliptical to bob and sway
Also burning as much as I should
Of all that good and hearty food!

So, it isn't even Thanksgiving yet.  It is usually nowhere near this cold here this time of year.  Fall is usually the nicest time weather wise in Oklahoma.  I'm glad they switched from "Global Warming" to "Climate Change", because Climate Change is more descriptive of what happens as the earth has these temperature cycles.  It has happened before.  With or without man, our planet goes through changes.  Oh, we probably make it worse, but it isn't ALL on us.  The geological record upholds that fact.  The problem is, we ARE putting more chemicals, particles, etc into the air than would otherwise be there.  It DOES do nasty things to the planetary environment.  So, we do our little part to help curtail some of it.  Walk to the store instead of drive if I can, recycle everything I can. (But I have to drive to the recycling center.  That kind of rankles...)
My plans for today include making some more home made applesauce, and a batch of shortbread.  I also want to try to make some little meat pies with the egg roll wraps we have left.  (Not as fattening as pasties, but maybe ALMOST as good.  We'll see...)  The laundry is almost all done, including the towels.  I need to make out a grocery list and pay some bills.  Also praying for the weather to not leave us with a real mess on the roads in the morning.  (I'd like to do my shopping and get it all put away before I have to leave for Voice.)

Looks as though the roads will be iffy for quite a bit of tomorrow.  The schools are going to be closed.  (Oh, joy.)  May have to shop Tues before work.

Just feel so run down and tired and vaguely irritable during this weather.  Never fails to show up when I have other stuff to do! 

Here's the dessert I made tonight:

So, now that I've put my big, cozy sweater on, and had a bowl of this, I'm full and I'm SLEEPY!  Catch you later!

The Weather, It Has Changed, or Hey, wasn't It Fall Just A Minute Ago?

This afternoon, on my way into the library from my car, the wind was blowing from the south, and it was humid.  Not hot, but not cold, either. 
This evening, when leaving the library to go back to my car, the wind was out of the north, and so dry and cold that it almost seemed to have teeth.  It grabbed my clothes and pulled on my bags, made it hard walk against.
Lucky for me, I knew the weather was supposed to change.  Everyone in Oklahoma is obsessed with the weather.  If you lived here, you'd understand.  Turning your back on Mother Nature is a very bad idea.  Paying attention to the weather forecast becomes just something you HAVE to do.  I had dressed in layers, and had one of my big, soft, comfy capes with the faux fur lined hood to wear tonight.  (Didn't have my gloves, though.  My hands were complaining until the car heated up enough to run the heater.) 
When I lived in Southern California, I never even knew there was such a thing as a weather alert radio.  Now, I am  nervous if I don't have the latest model with all the county-specific warning settings available.  When I lived in Los Angeles County, I never really had to own a heavy coat.  Now I have a long wool coat. a short wool coat, a short, hooded carcoat, several lightweight jackets, THREE capes, two of which have faux-fur lined hoods, three ruanas, which are like the capes but lighter weight, several scarves/shawls, a multitude of sweaters, and at least six bathrobes that could be considered VERY warm.  I love being able to wear these snuggly things.  I love sweaters, and the soft-textured capes and ruanas that I have.  I love my soft, colorful scarves that are big enough to be shawls.  I love all my soft, snuggly robes.  Growing up where winter was only cool,  not really cold, robbed me of the chance to enjoy and appreciate a warm, cozy house, with a nice reading corner, and cuddly sweaters and throws to wrap up in and read on a blustery day.  Germany was the first place I got to experience being able to actually wear warm clothes and to cuddle up with a good book and a hot cup of tea on a blustery, cold, nasty grey day.  It is SO satisfying to be able to do that. 
Here  in Moore, Oklahoma, I am blessed to have an "office" of my own at home, where I have a little reading corner that is cozy and comfy and has a nice lamp, comfy pillows,  and throws to snuggle up in right by the window, so I can watch the wind blow through the oak tree out front, and be grateful for my cozy nook with my books.  I also have scented candles that I burn sometimes to make it feel even cozier in here. 

While I appreciate the chance to hole up with a good read and my warm snugglies, I don't relish the idea of having to get out to go to work or anywhere else when the weather is acting up around here.  Snow, sleet and ice make nightmares out of the local roadways.  Though the city plows the main thoroughfares, getting in and out of our subdivision and the various parking lots around town can be extremely treacherous.  Even at the library, which parking lot the city plows.  Getting to and from work Saturday may be extremely interesting.

Meanwhile, tomorrow, Friday, I have battles with our mortgage bank that must be fought, as they have palmed us off onto another loan management company, but this time I have to make all the arrangements for the automatic payments, etc.  Cheap bastards.  They had BETTER make our property tax payment like they are supposed to, or I will complain to the VA, who guarantees our loan. They already have the money in the escrow account, after all.   (And I'll tell anybody who's willing to listen how crappy B of A is to their customers.)  I also get to make the December birthday cards for the library, and get my December calendar together, so I'll know if I have schedule conflicts or not.  Fun, fun, fun. 

So, now that the North Wind is howling as loud as any banshee ever did, and the cold air is riding that wind down from the Arctic, I will leave you in order to crawl into my nice, cozy bed, that has the electric mattress pad already heated up and toasty for me.  Now you know where yesterday's poetry was coming from.  I had been listening to the weather reports last evening.