Falling Thoughts

Such a beautiful morning.
Like that first one
Blue, blue sky
And bright, bright sun.
Small teasing breeze
Sifting through the trees
Children laughing, at play
Just as it was that day

That day before the loud
Shocking
Sickening sound
Of hate spilling over
The heart of our city
Wounding and killing
Evil without pity.

But this place
Defies that hate.
This place, like our city,
Is filled with love
And with pity,
Charity,
Mercy,
Peace.

It pours over you
As you walk
This quiet, lovely spot
Where once there was
Pain and destruction.
Finally I have the
Lovely image of this peace
Instead of the end of that
Ravaged building
In my mind.

I needed to see this,
Needed to actually walk here
To make peace with the sorrow
To no longer see
That ruined place
When I look up from the church cloister
So nearby.
Far too nearby.

Sleep well, dear beloved souls.
Dear little ones
Two of whom,
I knew their Aunt.
I still weep
Sometimes
For the potential lost.

This truly is the heart
Of this city,
Indeed,
Of the state.
The love poured out
On those who suffered loss
On those who came to help
On each other to see us through.
April 19,1995
Was the day I became an Oklahoman.

To See Changes
C.K. Armistead
9/24/16

I am still not adept
At reading subtle
Changes in the seasons
For I grew up without them.
Seasons, that is.
It is a new art for me
To pick out which details
I see and discern
What is to come
What I can learn
From the fact that
The south wind today
Is both warm and cool
The caterpillars I see
Are all
Well covered in  thick wool.
The pecan tree out back
Is generously throwing
Nuts around.
Which the squirrels are
Both eating
And hiding
With frenzied abandon.
The sycamore trees
Seem out to get me
Throwing pollen-laden
Ball bearing bombs
At me
To roll my ankle
And/or make me sneeze.
No leaves have turned as yet
No cool nights as yet have
Blessed us
But the calendar says
Fall has begun.

 Journal entry: Sept. 22, 2016

I stood this day upon sacred ground.
Ground where innocents were injured and killed
Where a community's innocence was lost.
I stood,remembering little ones I had never met,
but whose loss still made me weep.
I found the name of a friend on the Survivors list,
and offered a little prayer of thanks
That she survived,
That she is still here
To tell her story,
To be loved, to be my friend,
And my sister in Christ.
She, who stood with me at my Confirmation at St. Paul's,
Our church, just two blocks away.

The place is beautiful,
It is amazingly quiet
In spite of the city teeming all around it.
Every Sunday, and most Wednesdays for the past 21 years,
I have passed this place, spent time in its shadow,
In the shade of all that happened that day.
My church family survived a journey in the wilderness -
Worshiping in our parish hall for almost 2 years while our beautiful
Cathedral was rebuilt.
So much time has passed, but sometimes,
Especially when I walked into that sacred space of the Memorial,
It seems so fresh, I feel it all again.
There are children who have grown up, and new members of our church family, who do not remember that day, that time.
The horror, the hurt, the confusion is alien to them. The museum helps.  It makes that moring live again, gives visitors a sense of how ordinary the day was- 
Until 9:02 am, anyway, and how after that,
Nothing here was ever the same again,
Especially us.


My husband made his first visit to the Memorial today.  He hasn't been there since he worked as a volunteer with the contingent sent from Tinker AFB to help remove rubble.  I think he found some measure of peace with the fact that healing has happened in that place, that all the hands that came to help were appreciated and added to the love that surrounded our wounded heart that day, and in the weeks following.

A Little Time Off to Celebrate An Anniversary

I have taken this week off of work, mostly because I need to burn some leave, and I won't be going to Alabama this fall.  I also took the time because it is the week our 32nd wedding anniversary comes around.  (Tomorrow.)
Our anniversary is the first day of Autumn.  My husband picked the day, because we had to plan around when he could get leave from the Air Force.  I told him he better NEVER forget the anniversary, and so far, he hasn't.  We won't be doing a whole lot, but he took the day off also, and we'll go and play tourist downtown.  Maybe see the Memorial, walk across the Swallowtail footbridge, see what's new in Bricktown.  I will take photos, and try to remember to post them.

This week has not turned out much like I wanted it to so far.  Monday was a typical Monday for me, errands and voice lesson.  Tuesday, I did yard work, but was thwarted in my attempts to do all the work I WANTED to do by the fact that our extension branch loppers have a rotten rope, which broke when I tried to use them to cut a high branch.  Strange, they worked the last time I used them, guess the rope just reached the critical rotten point since then. It's only been a few weeks.

Today I just did a few errands and took a long walk, and goofed off.  Got a free cafe mocha at the Target Starbucks, because I had a coupon.  Bought a chocolate croissant to go with it.  Drove myself downtown for choir practice because it was Soprano and Alto only this week.

So, that's what I've been up to, besides bemoaning the heat and wishing for the end of summer.  Also wishing for the end of campaign season.  Praying for the victory of reason and inclusiveness over batshit crazy and hatred.  From what I've seen of some people lately, I am very afraid for this country.  Why on earth can't we remember that compromise is not a dirty word, and that democracy only works well when EVERYBODY has a voice?  Praying a lot.  We're going to need all the help we can get to survive this one.

I shall report on our wanderings tomorrow.

A Random Collection Of Journal Entries

8/28

Jinhao 159 fountain pen, purple

This is the new fountain pen I just got.  This purple pen is a big, fat cigar of a pen.  I found a purple cartridge for it.
Guess I'll just have to come up with some purple prose to write with it!

8/29

The faster I try to move, the more bogged down I get.  Life must be a glue board - keeping us trapped in the universe until we die...

So disorganized am I
These days-
I roam from task to task
& always get sidetracked.
At least, here at home I do.
Start one thing, finish most of it
Get called to something else - this house is out to get me!

I never really thought about it before today, but perhaps the reason teaching exhausted me so was the fact that I'm an introvert, and schools are VERY people-filled places.
I enjoyed small group interactions with my students, but all day in a place so full of people just exhausted me emotionally and physically.
I still have feelings of being overwhelmed sometimes even when home.
All the little things that need doing that pile up - I feel I shall never have the energy to get them all done.

8/30

A day with storm potential,
But I bet we don't see any
Again looking at my writing and thinking my teachers must've despaired of me ever being able to write legibly.  I know my printing was also atrocious.
My typing was also messy, until I got a modern word processing program.  My brain goes far too fast for my hands to keep up.  If I am copying something, it is usually better, but not by much.
And to think, they let me teach elementary school!
On the chalkboard, when I go slowly, my writing is much better, as long as there are lines.  My printing is also much better on the board.

8/31
Hooray!  Loud thunder!
I left the windows down on the car.  It figures.  OF COURSE it will rain!
No harm done, the windows were only cracked, and the wind was in my favor, so no water in the car!

9/1
A new month.   Hoping for a quiet desk shift, not turning out that way so far.  I have Zumba tonight, so as soon as I'm off the desk at 5, I have to set up and change.

Well, that's a new one.  Someone mistook the photocopier for the print vend unit.  It's quite distant from the public - use computers.
I keep itching to switch to a new journal, but this one isn't finished yet.  There are too many notebooks started and done with before they were filled.
So I guess I'll have to drivel along here for awhile.
After all, it's not like I have anything important to say...

9/2
A day off, but still plenty to do
Clouds, but no rain.
Slept in, so no real time to contemplate this morning.  Trying to function with a stuffy, achy , itchy head.
Hello, Ragweed
Who told you to come back early this year?

Tomorrow is Saturday, but it will be a busy day for me. My Saturday afternoon at the library, and there's an OU game, so Mike and Nancy will be here.
I get to leave about the time Mike will be showing up..

9/3
And the earth shook, and may voices of fear were raised upon the land...
That was the strongest quake we have ever felt here.
More like the ones I remember from California.
They can just stop it.  Can't have earthquakes AND tornadoes.  One or the other!

And so, now, to work.
For a wonder, no items were unshelved by the shaking.  Would we have had to check them in as "in-house use"?  After all, Mother Nature took them off the shelf!

Desk observations, or People are Funny Sometimes

Just helped a guy figure out how to find our new Community Center also called The Station at Central Park.  It's almost across 4th from us, just a block up.  We are next door to the OLD community center.

Helped distract a cranky baby so its mom could use the self-check.

Traded earthquake stories with a few people.

Bemoaned the loss of cursive writing with one customer.  Recommended "The Missing Ink" which I am now reading. 
Confessed that even still my own handwriting is pretty awful.

Greeted friend from church who was here to plan Girl Scout activities with another group leader.  I remember when SHE was a 3rd grade Girl Scout, instead of an adult leader!

Tidy patrons today compared with Thursday.  Only one self-check receipt left behind, and one basket not returned to the rack.

Got to see our Customer Experience manager when she came in with her young son to use the library. 

Talked up our ebooks and audio books on Overdrive. Mentioned our app, handed out a few flyers about the app.

Relieved a young lady's anxiety over an old book whose spine broke and spilled sections of pages.  We know about those.  It isn't a customer's fault.  That glue only lasts so long, through so many readings, before it dries out and cracks like that.

Directed yet another group of lost souls to the new community center.

Talked up the Friends of the Library's upcoming book sale, gave out flyers about it, pointed out the display in the lobby.

Reshelved several new children's picture books on our display wall after a little guy decided to "read" them while mom was checking out.

Toddler making a run for it - security officer stopped her.  Remember kids, you gotta leave with the grownup that brought you!

It's always fun watching new visitors trying to find the book return.  So far today, all three seekers have found it on their own!  Yay for reading signs!

Got birthday cake from a group using one of the meeting rooms.  Working the desk has its perks!

2/3 of the phone calls I answered were asking what time we close.

 __________________________________________

No friends came for football.  Matt has a cold and waved them off so they wouldn't catch the sinus crud.

9/4

Sunday, and as Matt is ill, he's not going to church.  I am driving myself.  It's been a long time since I drove downtown by myself.

All went well, and the service was wonderful.  Oakerhater Sunday, when we celebrate David Pendleton Oakerhater, our Oklahoma saint.  He was a warrior who converted, and came back to minister to his people as an ordained Deacon in the Episcopal Church.

 9/5
Early September.  That time when I hate to walk barefoot out back because of all the broken pecan shells that littler the yard.

Summer that lingers too persistently into September is a special  pain.  That hot wind needs to take itself elsewhere!

A tequila sunrise may not ward off a cold, but it sure couldn't hurt.

Unfortunately, one could make a compilation of Ron Perlman movie clips and call it "Ron Dies Before The End".  I really enjoy the movies where his character lives!  I enjoy all his movies, but the ones his character doesn't die in are best.  (Like City of Lost Children, and the Hellboy movies, and Alien Resurrection )

9/6
All kinds of out of sorts today.  Grumpy, achy, distracted, feeling that doom is waiting to fall on me.
Feel neglected and neglectful, feel left out and forgotten,

Even my usually agreeable pen is in a bad mood on the Tuesday that would be Monday.

Then, on my walk, a favorite song showed up on my random playlist, and made me think of people I care about, and made me smile, because THEY always make me smile.  Things are looking up.

Busy at work today.  People missed their library while we were closed for two days for the holiday.

If even I need to feel that I am, in fact, necessary to the continued functioning of the world, all I have to do is work a shift at the library on the first day we open after being closed for two days.  Oh, my, I had SO much to do!

Tomorrow is my husband's birthday, so I will be baking a cake.  It is also the first choir rehearsal of the season, so I will be taking the cake to share with the choir.  That way we don't get too much cake, and we make some friends happy.