Words, Words, Words

I collect books.  It's something of an occupational hazard, even though I collected books long before I started working in a library.
My books are on many subjects, and many genres.  There is a special place in my heart, however, for books about books and reading, and books about language.  I have MANY books about grammar, and many about words and their meanings and origins.  The many thesauri (thesauruses?) I own are a constant source of secret glee for me.

Today I will use them in an attempt to describe my feelings on these in-between days as the old year dies, and  the new one waits to be born.
The first word that came to mind: ennui. My Oxford minireference dictionary defines it simply as boredom.  I don't find it in my New International Webster's pocket thesaurus, but under boredom I get:  apathy, doldrums, listlessness, monotony, tedium, indiffference
In Roget's most excellent Thesaurus, I get:  unpleasure, weariness, languor.

In any event, whomever you ask, ennui is not a pleasant state of affairs.  To me it is a personal inertia, an inability to get moving, the desire to stay at rest because nothing much seems worth bothering to do.
These last days of December often bring about that feeling.

I have been feeling lethargic and weary of spirit for awhile.  I'm pretty sure a large part of the country feels the same way. The daily battle for sanity in a patently insane state of affairs is most definitely a "thing" among many Americans.  Mostly, I am baffled as to how we have allowed ourselves, whatever our beliefs politically, to be so torn asunder from one another as human beings.  This country has ALWAYS been about the desire of people from different backgrounds, beliefs, abilities, faiths, ethnic extractions to come together for THE COMMON GOOD.  We always recognized each other as human beings, even if we disagreed.  (Or at least, we TRIED.  Some things in the past have proven that we were and are FAR from perfect on this score.  The Civil War was about one of those disconnects between our stated ideals and our corporate  behavior.) It is to be hoped that we can repair our rifts and make our corporate behavior more in line with the thought that "all are created equal", and that we should all be allowed the opportunity to pursue "life, Liberty, and happiness". When did such a pursuit become dependent upon one's political alignment and/or one's race or faith?  It seems, if one reads the news these days, that it has come to be that only white, protestant, Evangelical people, particularly the males, have those rights our forefathers assigned to "all".
I acknowledge that many are fearful because of the pace of change, and that the fear they have is that all they know and treasure as "theirs" and "ours" as a country is being worn away.  Not so, really, if you look at it.  No one wants to take away your right to say Merry Christmas, or to worship as you choose, they just want you to realize that some other people don't happen to celebrate Christmas.  That's all.  There is room at this table for all of us, and there is plenty for all to share.  It will not cause you to have less.  If you are a Christian, you should know that whatever you share with others ends up coming back to you ten times over.  Lay up your treasures in Heaven, where none can steal.  (But that's another lecture.)

The other thing, though, that pops up as the new year approaches is Hope.  Can't squash it, no matter how hard you try, Hope keeps on popping up, and lighting that candle in the dark for us to follow.
In Roget's, under Hope, I get:  desire, wish, aspiration, sanguine expectation, belief, possibility, recourse.
In the Oxford, I find:  feeling of expectation and desire, person or thing giving cause for this, anticipation,expectancy, expectation, ambition, dream, wish.
In Webster, I find: expect,desire, await, suppose, believe, anticipate, trust.

Many of those definitions  and synonyms speak of a faithful outlook, a desire for better things on the horizon, the trust that good things are coming.
Even in the days when so much in our media feeds gives us much cause for despair and ennui, Hope still jumps up and stirs in our hearts.  We still drink a toast to the New Year, and wish each other a happy one, because deep down, we hope it will be so.  We have hope that things will get better, we anticipate changes and improvements, we dream of unity and peace, we wish for civil discourse and rational discussion of the issues facing us.  We have to hang on to hope, it's about all we have.

So, as the old year turns away, and the new one trundles in, I wish you hope for the future, and peace, and goodwill, and all the things the angels sang about to those shepherds we've just been hearing so much about in church.  That's what this season is supposed to be about.  The realization that joy can be ours, that hope is real, that we can, indeed, love one another in spite of our differences.
May the joy of hope be yours in the coming year, and may you be given the gift to see others as human, even when you disagree with them violently, and may you learn that they are just as worthy of love as you are.