Birthday Reflections

Another birthday, another year of life to celebrate.

It has been quite a journey since this time last year.  Last year was my first birthday without my Mom.  (Or Mommy-Mo, as I called her when I was little, for some reason.)
There have been many losses and disappointments this year, but my friends have NEVER let me down. 
Through sad times and happy times, stressful times, and laid-back times, my friends have always been there, to listen, to hug, to cheer me up, in essence, to be my friends.
My husband has also been there, even when I am not pleasant to live with, he has stood by me, and loved me anyway.  He's one special guy.  He'll always be my knight in smelly flight suit, my hero, someone who has FAR more patience with himself and me than I will ever possess.

This birthday has been resoundingly joyful.  My friends have showered me with love and good wishes, and some with gifts, and I am grateful for them ALL.  That my friends think enough of me to recognize my birthday, it means a lot.  I have gotten cards from family, too, and that is always special, especially when my brothers joke around with me.  They are special guys.  So intelligent, and so funny.  My sister is almost a second mom to me.  She's always seemed to feel responsible for me, and I think she's been overjoyed to realize that I can be responsible for myself now.  (Well, with Matt's help, and he is a big help.) She's always been there,  my big sister, to make me laugh, to take me fun places when I was a kid, to make life more fun.  Now that all of us have cell phones and unlimited text plans, I hear from my esteemed siblings more often.  It's a good thing.  All we got left is each other, as far as our original family goes.  We all have spouses, they have kids, my sister has grandkids, which she very kindly shares with me.  (It's a lot of fun  to be silly old Auntie Katie!)
I also have "library kids", "church kids", and "Perlgirl kids".  These are all special to me, also. 

My community and my coworkers, our library customers, the Friends volunteers, my St. Paul's family, everyone in my daily life, I feel blessed to know.  I am very grateful for a job that lets me serve this community. I may not always agree with the politics of my adopted state, but the people are really good at heart. Even the ones who violently disagree with your politics or religion will be right there helping out when you need them.  They may succumb to the rhetoric of the hateful politicians at times, but their actions usually spring from love.  They will help if you need help, and not care about anything else right then.  Makes me wish they'd see how their political rhetoric hurts some of their neighbors, but well, those habits are hard to break, I know. I pray for them.  And for myself.  And for those out in the world that are just plain hateful all the time.  They need our prayers most.

My family at St. Paul's have been a source of solace and strength for years. A week without being in church just feels so WRONG, because I don't get to spend time with all of you. Singing with that choir is one of the greatest joys in my life.  You all are phenomenal.  Scott Raab, your talent and your musical knowledge, and the love you have for all of us and the cathedral are special treasures in this life.  The clergy at St. Paul's have always been special to us; Canon Susan, and Father Tim Sean especially in recent years, but Dean Justin, and Deacon Marilyn have been important in our lives, also.

My Twitter friends are also very dear to me.  Ron Perlman, Michael Ornstein, my fellow #PerlGirls, Fantastic Negrito, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, and so many others who interact with me on a regular basis, but Ron and my Perlsistas especially, have pulled me through some tough times.  I love you guys, I really, really do.  You make me laugh, you help me keep a song in my heart, you remind me that love is still out there, no matter what.

Mike and Nancy Rogers are special treasures.  Two better friends you will never find.  You two are so very dear to both of us, you will never know.  Thank you for coming to share my birthday with me, for your friendship and your good fellowship.  You are very, very loved.

So, as I look back on this birthday just ended, I look back with great joy and gratitude.  You all have made my whole life beautiful and filled with joy.  I am SO grateful to know each and every one of you. 
Thanks again to Ron Perlman, Linda O'Leary, Jana Lynn Waller, Paulette Horn, Fiona Dotter, Mallory McCreary, Anne Dallesandro, Mary Stolfa, Kelly C Reeves, Sabrina Quintofiore, Marie Therese Hansen, Patti Helps, Christina Boulard, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, Xavier , Michael M. Ornstein.  You are all VERY dear to me.  Kisses and hugs.

Oh, and Ron, I had two margaritas, a steak dinner, and a big piece of chocolate cheesecake.  See, I followed your suggestions.  Love you bunches!

Trying to Avoid The Slough Of Despond

....And not always succeeding.
There have been many days lately when I have had ZERO motivation to do anything, even though there are things I WANT to do, and NEED to do, I just keep sitting here doing not much.

Today, however, I got everything on  my "to do" list crossed off.  It feels wonderful.

Of course, there are still things I should have put on the list, but did not.  I didn't do voice practice, or practice my piano today, but I DID do my workouts, and I got the house cleaned!

I got all the Valentine cards for my coworkers done, and I made the March staff birthday cards.

If only I could get that pesky digital thermometer in the hall to stop beeping all the damn time...

Just what popped into my head as I sat down here to write.

Here are some bits from the journal.  It hasn't been as consistent as I would like.

January 17, 2017

"I think that one of the jobs of political leaders going forward is , is to tell a better story about what binds us together as a people.  And America is unique in having to stitch together all these disparate elements - we're not one race, we're not one tribe, folks didn't all arrive here at the same time.  What holds us together is an idea, and it's a story about who we are and what's important to us.  And I want to make sure that we continue that."  - Barack Obama

Had to copy that out as soon as I read it.  What a wonderful. articulate statement about us and how things work.  God bless him, I hope we keep hearing from him even though he's done being President.  We still hear from other former Presidents now and then, so why not?

Today's lyrics are
"Dance Me To The End Of Love"
Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
'till I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
And be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love."

Such a very lovely song - the progression of love through the stages and ages.

Take My Hand
by C.K. Armistead
2017

Take my hand and remember
The young man that you were
Look at me and forget
How old we are
Take my hand,
Pull me closer
Remind me that
Even though
It's been so long
You still love me
Take my hand and
Remember
The young woman I once was
The echoes of that
Beauty
Only you still can see
It's time
There's still fire
Burning low between us
But it is mellower now
No longer a conflagration
But a warm, cozy place
To comfort each other
And remember the heat
Of that blaze.

January 18, 2017

Today's lyric is "Dear Heather"
"Dear Heather
Please walk by me again
With a drink in your hand
And your legs all white
From the winter."

That's the whole thing.
Very tightly drawn, simple, to the point.

Sounds like the first pool party of the season - nobody's got a tan yet.

January 19, 2017 (Actually written in the notebook on the 20th...)

Today's lyrics are
"Death Of A Ladies' Man"

It is a down song- rather cynical and sad.

"The last time that I saw him
he was trying hard to get
a woman's education but
he's not a woman yet.
And the last time that I
saw her she was living
with some boy
Who gives her soul an empty room
and gives her body joy."

So true that the physical for some people is worth more than the emotional and intellectual connect.
I've never understood that
as the emotional  and intellectual aspects are the ones that last.
The physical is important, too, but it shouldn't be the only foundation of a relationship.

January 20, 2017
Today's lyrics "Democracy"
(How extremely appropriate for today!)

"It's coming to America first,
the cradle of the best and of the worst.
It's here they got the range
and the machinery for change
and it's here they got the spiritual thirst
It's here the family's broken
and it's here the lonely say

that the heart has got to open
in a fundamental way:
Democracy is coming to the USA."

Mr. Cohen was writing as a Canadian who has lived and worked in this country for years- he sees both the problems and the advantages here - with no illusions, and still with hope.
Today we need to move forward with hope and with love and care for our fellow citizens- for this is going to impact on all of us, and I fear it will not be in a good way for any of us.
We will need to all work together to fix it.

I just hope there's something left to fix.

"I love the country but I can't
stand the scene.
And I'm neither left or right
I'm just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
But I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
that Time cannot decay
I'm junk but I'm still holding up
this little wild bouquet:
Democracy is coming to the USA."

Some days have been lost as I took a tumble while out walking, and got out of the mood for keeping my resolutions for a few days.
As my resolve has returned, I shall pick up where I left off.

One feels foolish
When something like this happens.
When you fall even though
You know good and well
Where the trip hazard is.
It's a bit demoralizing.

1 st "missed" song:  Diamonds In The Mine

This one didn't say much to me today.  Just full of irony.

2nd Missed song-  Do I Have To Dance All Night
Seems a bit frivolous, but Mr. Cohen usually has a deeper meaning
Afraid I'm not seeing it today.

24th's song:

Dress Rehearsal Rag

This sound s like the dress rehearsal is for death - that life gets used u so quickly, and now we are stuck near the end with nothing much to show for it.

January 25, 2017

Today's song is Everybody Knows

One I am very familiar with and one that seems unfortunately all too true of today in America. -
"The dice are loaded
The good guys lost
The fight was fixed
The poor stay poor
The rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows."

It goes from general common knowledge to the personal - things one might assume WEREN'T common knowledge - but oh, in this over connected world, they are.

Wish it wasn't such a sure thing that the game is rigged, but it is more and more looking like the Republicans are bent on destroying Democracy in order to hold on to power.  Please, God, breathe life into the Democrats that they can have the moral strength to join together to thwart this current evil.

Believe I will go walk at our new Moore Central Park today.  It should be a nice, even place to walk.  Alas, the track is rather dull in winter - no trees, no scenery.

January 27th 2017

Skipped a day again-

26th's song was
Famous Blue Raincoat

Sounds like a song about someone left behind-wonder how you're doing,
How have you fared in life, etc.

But it is about himself - wondering about all that has passed so far in life.

"And what can I tell you,
my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad that you stood in my way."

Very definitely written to a former self -

Today I walked the neighborhood again - only the shorter of my favored routes, and not hurrying. 
Much better than the park - the neighborhood has trees and sound and quiet, all helpful.
Also, no incidents of lost footing.

Today's song is Field Commander Cohen, written after a visit to Israel not long before the start of the Yom Kippur War in 1973.  It was written while he was in Ethiopia.

January 30, 2017

No pretense of trying to catch up shall be made.

"Fingerprints" is the next lyric in line.

"Touched you once too often
Now I don't know who I am
My fingerprints were missing
When I wiped away the jam."

A simple , sort of silly song, about feeling lost in a relationship.

Right now, the politics is too much with us.  There's little escape from it - I want that moron and his fascist friends out of the White House, but what can we do if Congress won't do its job?

January 31, 2017

Our idyll is ended
No innocence left at all
Once great nation
Reduced to small

Angry factions
Arguing over the spoils.
I miss the assurance
That things would carry on
Miss being able to plan
Trips in advance
As it is
My friends may not be able
To visit
We will not be able
To use things
We have already paid for.
It needs to stop
And those who could -
Sit on their hands
And don't-
Even when the people
Demand
It.

Today's lyrics are : "First We Take Manhattan  Then We Take Berlin"

Once wonders WHO is taking Manhattan these days -
There's a  lot of ugliness in our President and his cabinet -
Not too impressed with Congressional leadership, either.

February 2, 2017

O sunny, happy
Yellow
Scrambled eggs.
Tasty and comforting
Sitting there with
My toast
Such a happy breakfast.

So many days, when the news is depressing and disastrous,
It is such a joy to come to my job
And interact with my coworkers and our customers. 
Such a caring and happy library
And community.

Today's lyrics are for a song I've never heard before
"God is Alive Magic Is Afoot"

Though laws were carved in marble
They could not shelter men
Though altars built in Parliaments
They could not order men
Police arrested magic and magic
Went with them
Mmmmm ... for magic loves the hungry
But magic would not tarry
It moves from arm to arm
It would not stay with them
Magic is afoot
It cannot come to harm
It rests in an empty palm
It spawns in an empty mind
But magic is no instrument
Magic is the end
Many men drove magic
But magic stayed behind.
Many strong men lied
They only passed through magic
And out the other side"

We could use both God and magic these days.  We need some clarity and some healing.

February 7, 2017

So many goings on so little writing done.

_I've spent an entire day reading a mystery novel I was waiting for,
_I've lost a neighbor to an accident
_My voice coach is laid up with complications from her diabetes, so no lessons
_My weight's gone up because I'm eating too much and moving too little

It's pretty quiet out here so far today.
A pleasant Tuesday afternoon at our library.

Today's lyrics are perhaps Leonard's best known:

"Hallelujah"

Two versions were recorded by Leonard, and MANY artists
Have covered the song, including many I personally feel should not have.
(Wrong character to the voice - too light or too smooth - Leonard's songs sound best in a voice near his own.)

I don't often tell you
Just know that it is true
When storms are raging
My only shelter is you.
No one else's arms will do
When worries and alarms are plaguing-
Only one hug I'm running to
One voice to make it right
Only you, my Love, only you!
-C.K. Armistead 2/7/2017

So fleeting
Our time here
No permanence
To anything
No matter how
We fool ourselves
On that score
Our lives are but a moment,
A twinkle of starlight
Quickly passed
And soon forgot
Still we strive
We struggle and claw
To leave a mark
Upon the face
Of Time.
-C.K. Armistead February 7, 2017

That's all I've got so far.  Nothing new added yet.

Today is Valentine's Day - so many that I love, so many I hope remember that they are loved!