Another Week Down

So, this has been the second full week of 2017. So far, not QUITE as shocking as 2016, but still pretty darned depressing.

We have been threatened with ice storm Armageddon, and had temps in the 60s during the past week.

Today is the day we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  If ever we needed a leader like him, we need one now.  We need someone who  can speak truth to the people, and make them hear it.  We are all of us going to have to step up in the next four years and be prepared to say "NO! That is NOT what America is about!  America is NOT about racism, or letting our allies down, or making enemies out of our friends, or honoring our enemies INSTEAD of our friends. "
Keep calling your representatives and Senators, every single time an issue concerns you, let them know you are concerned.  CALL.  That is something the staffers have to deal with, and they will definitely tell their boss about the calls.

I think one reason it has been so easy for a foreign power to encourage us to be divided and hateful is because we have gotten complacent and lazy about our democracy.  We do not involve ourselves, we don't go to city council meetings, or pay much attention to anything our elected officials do, unless it threatens to directly affect our pocketbooks.  Well, friends, the stuff our Congress is talking about doing right now is going to affect ALL of our pocketbooks, big time.  The only ones who will benefit are a few very rich people who will get a nice tax break, while the rest of us stand to lose our health care and the Social Security and Medicare benefits WE'VE been paying for all these years.  Don't let them do it.  Call and voice your concern!

So, enough of that, on to the journal:

January 9, 2017

Today's Lyrics are :

"Because Of
Because of a few songs
Wherein I spoke of their mystery,
Women have been
Exceptionally kind
To my old age.
They make a secret place
In their busy lives
And they take me there.
They become naked
In their different ways
And they say
"Look at me , Leonard
Look at me one last time."
Then they bend over the bed
And cover me up
Like a baby that is shivering."

- Leonard Cohen

Perhaps he found his experience that way -
or perhaps this is a bit in jest-
But sometimes an artist's work will touch us
and we MUST respond
One way or another.

"Naked in their different ways"
again perhaps there are more difficult types of nakedness than the physical.
Sharing our thoughts, our honest thoughts - with another is very scary business.

I grow sleepy
Too weary to wield the pen
So - off to bed
To sleep
Perchance to dream...

January 10, 2017

Today's lyrics of Leonard Cohen are "Bird On A Wire"

This song is so familiar to me, I've heard it so often, that I really have to stop and look at the words.
Though that image of "A drunk in a midnight choir" is one that always makes me smile.
Free, indeed.  No inhibitions.
I don't always see the birds perched on wires around here as free.  They seem to be in rigid formation, all spaced just so - all taking off or landing at the same time.

The images of the baby still born and the beast with his horn "Tearing everyone who reached out" for him, that's an odd and very effective image for me.
Several friends, and even a family member, have had stillborn babies.
It hurts SO much, even when you aren't a family member - the lost dreams for that little one who was loved even though they weren't quite here yet.


January 11, 2017

Today the temperatures are in the 60s, and the sky is blue, streaked with feathery clouds.
The breeze is from the South, the air is moist, for a change.
Yet we are threatened with ice and then cold rain
As soon as the day after tomorrow.
Such a world we live in-
Such a world.

Today's Song lyrics are "Boogie Street"
The whole thing is about how we live in this hustling, bustling, working world, and have so very few so very short - lived reprieves of love and closeness,
and then we're back out in the world -
Back on Boogie Street.

Mr Cohen has said that the respites are tine spent with loved ones, or with a spouse or lover making love -
But to me, the respite sometimes comes in singing

Choir rehearsal tonight was a much needed, sublime experience of losing myself in the blend of our voices in song.

Many of us have been singing together for many years-
These are people I care for - my choir family- we lift our voices in worship and praise, and it is also work, to get the notes right, to get the sound to come out right,
But it is also love -
Love for God, for each other, and for that beautiful music.
We are made new,
Refreshed,
Blessed,
By our time with the music.
 Our voices blend - becoming one voice -


The part of "Boogie Street"  that
most speaks to me is:
"So come, my friends, be not afraid
We are so lightly here
It is in love that we are made;
In love we disappear.
Though all the maps of blood and flesh
Are posted on the door
There's no one who has told us yet
What Boogie Street is for."

The sublime moments seem to be what life is about, yet they are so fleeting and we're - boom- back in cold, hard reality again - back on Boogie Street.

But what he's saying is- these moments of losing ourselves  - in love, beauty, pleasure -
THAT is real life -
and we don't have a clue why all the hustle and bustle of Boogie Street seems so necessary -
No one's told us- are we to learn from it, learn to  do without it - or just endure it?

Perhaps it serves as contrast
so that we may TRULY appreciate those moments of transcendent bliss
When they appear.

January 12, 2017

Today's song lyric is By The Rivers Dark

"By the rivers dark
I wondered on
I lived my life
in Babylon

And I did forget
My holy song.
And I had no strength
In Babylon

By the Rivers dark
Where I could not see
Who was waiting there
Who was hunting me..."

A powerful lyric, and one we seem, unfortunately, to be living out.
Cast into a suddenly foreign place
By our fellow citizens who voted for "change"
They voted for revenge,
But the joke's on  them.
They are getting disaster
And unfortunately,
They will take the rest of us
down with them.
They will not realize until
Far too late
That they sold themselves
Onto Evil's plate,
And they shall be consumed.

However,
I have NOT forgotten
My holy song
That God is LOVE
And if we are of God,
We must conquer fear and hate
With LOVE.
We must fight back
and sing our holy songs
As loudly as we can.
The Spirit sings in all
Who believe
And will amplify our voices
Come, let us sing!

January 13, 2017

Cold
Icy
Slippery
Still we are at work
But tomorrow
Will be a day
To cower
Inside
With a hot beverage
And a good book
In my cozy nook
Where I can watch
The ravenous cold
Work it's icy will
Upon the world.

Today's lyrics
"Came So Far For Beauty"
"I came so far for beauty
I left so much behind
My patience and my family,
My masterpiece unsigned

I thought I'd be rewarded
For such a lonely choice
And surely she would answer
To such a very hopeless voice."


This song details a search for the approval of the desired object "Beauty" - or the attention of someone- and how no matter what the seeker does, his or her suit goes unremarked, ignored.

How often do we pursue some unobtainable, really unnecessary goal - someone's attention, recognition from a certain person or group, self-aggrandizement - how often are we ignored
because we make this pursuit for the wrong reason, or out of purely selfish need.

How often do some think they can buy approval
Only to learn that it really
Must be earned.

I should avoid the Friends shelves.
Yet another book has beguiled me.
I have so many already
Yet to be read
I'll still be reading
Ten years after I'm dead!

January 14, 2017
Today it was cold, but the rain was rain, and did not freeze.
A hawk grabbed a bird on our porch and hauled it across the street to make it his brunch.

It was one of those days when steam from heater and water heater vents streamed toward Texas on the North Wind.

It is also the day that Chelsea Hotel #2 is the Leonard Cohen Song of the day.

It does give one a glimpse of life for performers in the 60s - especially rock stars.

There is a sadness, and a little nostalgia, perhaps, in those words.

Today has been an out of sorts day for me.  I don't feel I've accomplished anything but my workout and a few loads of laundry.

January 15, 2017

A dreary, wet, lazy Sunday.

We went to church
We went out to lunch
Came back home and read
A bunch.
Then I did my elliptical training
Because by then it was REALLY raining.
Got inspired and baked some bread
The kind you eat with tea
Now we're probably too well fed
We'll just have to see

Today's lyrics are "Closing Time "

Such a long piece, and well done.
Brings out the manic
and the melancholy
of the bar scene.
Not that I ever experienced
The bar scene,
But I know those who have,
And I read a lot.
< Intermission...........
And here hath several pages to one another clung,
And thus caused an unintended empty space
To be sprung
Into this journal.

So now I must blather on
And fill this space, else
it be wasted,
And I cannot tolerate
The waste of journal space

Sometimes
The blank page
Seems an  insurmountable
Challenge.
Nothing
Comes to mind
To be placed on
The page.
Other times
The hand cannot
Write fast enough
To keep up
With the flood
Of words-
Perhaps
If one is lucky
In those profuse times
An idea or two
Pops onto the page
Amid the crush
Of words.

Usually
One is not lucky
Words may pour forth
But they are mundane
And pedestrian
No inspiring images
At all.
Having a bit of
That problem
This evening
Though
That rain
Drumming down
Out there
Begs me to do
Something
With it -

For so long
It has been so dry
The plants all threaten
To shrivel up and die
But today
The rains came
And they have been
Steady.
The kind the plants
Will find useful
So there may be hope
Of a garden again
Once Winter thaws
Into Spring.

The rhythms of rain
Are various
Not just the varying
Tempo
Of its fall to the ground,
But many other things
Affect the sound,
Windshield wipers
Whoosh, groan and thump,
Tin roofs
Make for popcorn sounds
Dull thuds come from
The shingle covered wood
Above my head
Splats from overburdened gutters
Spilling over.
But mostly
The gentle, lovely
Murmur
Of rain
Refreshing the earth
Lulling us to sleep
Soaking in deep.
--------------------> and now, back to our show!

"And it's partner found,
It's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:
It's CLOSING TIME."

A metaphor for the progression of a relationship, too, I'm sure- much of Mr. Cohen's work is.

Outside, the rain pours down
And I am grateful for a sound 
Roof over my head
And comfortable things
In a comfortable house.
Grateful for food to eat,
And electricity to keep the
House running.

January 16, 2017

Martin Luther King day -
And what an odd day in our National life it is as our president elect continues to say things that leave us in grave danger.  He would abandon our friends in NATO in favor of his man-crush Putin.
Shame on him, and shame on Congress if they let him do this.

At least today the sun came out after a long abscence
I walked outdoors again for the first time in days.
Today's lyrics:
"Coming Back To You"

Indeed this seems like a calling out to his Muse, not a conversation with a real person.  But these days I am so discouraged, it's hard to find inspiration,
Even when handed such
Beautiful words.


Liberty
(C.K.Armistead 1/16/17)

Oh, Lady,
What have we done?
Your torch has gone out,
You're losing your crown;
 We've let ourselves forget
The best things we stood for
And it ain't over yet
But it feels like we're done for.
There's a man hurling hate
At anyone brown
Threatening to close the gate
Threatening to tear it down
We must raise our voices
While we still have them
And say his are not OUR choices
And see if we can stop him
But the way ahead is uncertain
We don't know what to do
He's building an Iron Curtain
And he's drawing it around you.

Humbly submitted for your consideration.  These are rough works, mere jottings, just a discipline to make me revisit them and edit them.  I hope you enjoy them, and that they make you think, and maybe do some writing of your own.

The First Week of 2017

Here are some excerpts from the writing journal for this week.

1/1/2017

An auspicious start
Church
Trying a new cocktail
A long walk
Finishing laundry
Reading
Writing
Singing, too
Listening also
To the musician and poet
Whose work I chose as
Writing  inspiration
Reading for this year.

As I went about this day
I saw resolutions being worked on.
I did a 5+ mile walk
Saw a couple looping the streets on their bicycles
Saw a young man walking to the store instead of driving.
As we got out of the car at church this morning,
There was a man out jogging Downtown.

A Bunch Of Lonesome Heroes
Leonard Cohen Songs
This one is deep
But I have a hard time finding references
To bring out what it
Makes me see and feel.
I suppose the basic drift is that the urge
To tell your story before
It's too late is very
Strong in all humans -
Perhaps those "heroes" who
Run the risk of dying
Find it even stronger sometimes.

The line about no one really being able to hear the
one who wanted to tell his story
Sounds a lot like
Social Media to me.
So many can "hear " you,
So few, if any, will listen,

"I sing this for the crickets
I sing this for the army
I sing this for your children
and for all that do not need me."

Not sure exactly what he meant by that,
and I don't know about you,
but I often feel like I'm
"singing for the crickets"
Nobody responds.
But that's okay.
Not everything requires a response
often things must just
be released -
To go where they will-
and the words will
Eventually find
Those who need them.



January 2, 2017


A Singer Must Die
Song by L. Cohen
He has said it is "political in a certain way."

I believe it to be about the politics of a relationship between a man and a woman.

"I will ask for the mercy that you love to decline."

I hope it isn't about to be about our actual politics.
"A singer must die for the lie in his voice."
That SHOULD apply to those in power - but all too often, those who hold power accountable are the ones accused of the lie, when they do, in fact, speak the truth.


A pleasant day
Productive in its way
Though it was a holiday
A parade watched,
Exercise done
Bookkeeping chores dispatched
Practice begun.

The handwriting is part of
what I would practice.
And it is getting better

The piano is still quite rusty -
and I REALLY need to get it tuned.
Not trying to gain new skills,
Jut trying not to lose what
I already have.

My voice is still subject
To unexpected phlegm
Drops
Some scratchiness and cracking result.
But what works has SO much more depth and resonance!

Not taking sinus meds anymore.
Waiting to see if it helps the blood pressure if I don't take all that stuff.

January 3, 2017

Resolutions being kept -
But tomorrow is a true test
Work day -
Yesterday, it got warm,
Over 60 degrees F
Today it struggled to
Stay above freezing.

Gray and cloudy
The North Wind ripped
At the Trees
And any exposed skin
It could find.
It whipped
Wood smoke from fireplaces
And steam from dryer exhausts
Around the  neighborhood
Creating a bizarre
Winter Incense
To hallow the air.

So cold and dark
I craved to be able
To spend more of this day
Curled up here with
My books and my tea
Alas,
Errands,
Chores
Time not my own,

Today's Song:

A Thousand Kisses Deep

Helps to know that it was written for a fan Mr. Cohen corresponded with who had cancer.  She ended her own life, even though for the longest tine, she said Leonard's songs helped her hang on.

Line that struck me most:
 "You live your life as if it's real."
Don't we all?
And just how sure are we of our reality?
I guess we kinda have to agree on a concept of reality in order to function as a society,
and perhaps that's part of the cause of our electoral woes.
One chunk of the country believes one concept of reality, and another big chunk has a different concept.
How we can solve this conceptual dilemma, I have no clue.

But we better figure something out SOON.

 Also thought of the  Velveteen Rabbit
 and how it took being loved to make the rabbit "real".
I must be real,
For I am well loved!


And I wonder, if we loved each other more, maybe we could be more "real" to each other, and that would make it a lot easier to see both sides of an argument, and make decisions that really helped people, instead of dividing us even further.

January 4, 2017

Still cold today.
Even colder than yesterday.
Didn't walk this morning.
Did elliptical instead.
Today's Cohen song:

Ain't No Cure For Love

The line that most struck me is
"I need to see you naked
In your body and your thoughts"

 How much more intimate
 is the sharing of the mind and soul
Than the sharing of the body?

True, for some of us,
The physical requires a more  visceral trust,
but
sharing thoughts can be even more visceral
if one wishes to truly be
"Naked in your thoughts".


January 5, 2017

Today the very air
Seems frozen
I could see my breath
Even in the insulated garage
Did my walking indoors
On the elliptical trainer
Afraid the air outside
Would freeze off my skin.
The sky looks leaden
And dark
The clouds perhaps harboring
Snow within.
The prognosticators keep changing
Their minds and disagreeing
About how much, where,
And when.

I really crave
My cozy home office,
My chair
And a cup of tea
But alas,
It is Thursday
So late day at work for me.

Today's song is

Alexandra Leaving


Cohen's take on a classic about being deserted by all the good things in life -
In this case,
A girlfriend.
He wrote a lot about lost loves.

"Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost."

Sounds like a refrain that could work
even if you changed the name.
Life is often a series of both joys and disappointments.

So many choices of creative things
To engage my mind
And my hands
But those things
Are at home
And I am here.


January 6, 2017

Today's song is Anthem

I've always liked the chorus
"Ring the bells that still will ring
Forget your perfect offering,
There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

 But reading the verses tonight, it seems to me this country needs to hear,
 really hear, this song right now.

"I can't run no more with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
A thundercloud
And they're going to hear from me."

"You can strike up the march
But there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
To love will come."

These verses just really spoke to me today.
We need to be the response to that thundercloud
of hate that has been summoned up -
We need to be out there, turning hearts to love.
How we do this, I am not sure, except that I intend
To show love in the face of hate,
To stand up for those who need me,
To not accept misbehavior from our government.
Do NOT be hateful in my name!

I awoke to a snow covered world
White and sparkly
Cold
Fitting for the day
We pack Christmas away
For another year.
Epiphany
The day the 3 kings found
The Baby Jesus
In Bethlehem.
The day Christmas officially ends.
But that joyful
Giving spirit
Is supposed to live in us,
In our hearts,
All year long.

January 7, 2017

Avalanche is today's song.

And I must say, it doesn't much speak to me.

It seems to contradict itself.-
Speaking of longing and not needing-

 "I have begun to long for you
I who have no greed.
I have begun to ask for you
I who have no need."

Maybe it speaks more than I thought -
makes me think of more than a few pairs of star-crossed lovers I have read about -

Another white-bright day -
But I cannot shelter here
I have to go and earn my pay
Time to library, my dear.
And will it be a quiet day
Except for the phone-
All wanting to renew, they say,
So they may remain snug
At home...

January 8, 2017

Today is Sunday
One full week in this
New Year.
The weather today is
 A little warmer
A lot breezier
More snow melted, evaporated,
Gone.

Church done for another week
Wednesday will hold a  rehearsal again
The Odd routine of Holidays
Ended.
We will miss the next
Great feast -
We will be away for Easter Day - traveling -
And will travel home on
The Bombing anniversary.
If our nation hasn't been destroyed
By then.
I know the idiot-elect will try.

 Today's song is Ballad of the Absent Mare

and a long and involved thing it is.
Much like the relationships it alludes to.
Man and woman
Man and Nature
Man and God
All these are difficult
Almost as impossible
As a human's relationship
To him- or her- self.

We all have our moments
Of loss, anger, seeking, finding, rejoicing, reveling, mourning,

This is what makes us human.
This is what can unite us
If we but let it.
Stories,
Stories of how we got to where we are,
Why we feel the way we feel,
What we learned about ourselves and others
Along the way.
If we but sit still and LISTEN
To one another,
We can finally, finally
SEE each other.
Know we are all so much the same.
In the same boat
Afloat in a scary
Universe.
We can comfort each other
We can help each other
We can build a BETTER world
If we can only learn to LISTEN
To each other.

More Maddening Bits that Fall Into and Out Of My Head

One of the librarians asked today: "If you had to choose a book to "be" , like the people at the end of Farenheit451, which book would you choose to be?"  It's a stumper.  There are so many books I love.  Shakespeare, Frost, Longfellow, Ogden Nash, heck, BRADBURY! Which book to choose?!

There are days when I feel like I am entirely unappreciated and taken for granted.  Good ol' Katie, always where she's supposed to be, always does what needs to be done.  Some days I feel like disappearing.  Then we'd see if I was missed.

My love is not given lightly. If I say I love you, it is no small thing to me.



2/11/16
"We walk upon a midnight's rug neither drunk nor dreamed nor drugged." - Bukowski

The only lines that catch me in today's reading.
Cats, hunters, traditionally tend to stalk the night
and some humans, perhaps innocently,
Stalk in midnight's dark, as well.
Those who can't sleep
Perhaps kept wakeful
By words and images in their heads
Things that want out desperately
Yet balk at the blank page
Or the empty screen.
No alcohol, no dreams, no chemical inducements-
Just stubborn muses
Who refuse to be hurried along.
Much like the moon.
And the cat.


2/12

"The factories, the jails, the drunken days and nights, the hospitals have weakened and shaken me like a mouse in the mouth of a hip-cat:  life." - Bukowski


I feel weakened and shaken, but it is more by the endless chores and endless losses that seem to make up life.
"We all live in a yellow subroutine" is an OLD programmer's joke, but it is very apt.
Most of us in this life spend most of our time dealing with seemingly trivial background matters - those delegated to a subroutine in a program-
However, any programmer can tell you, if even one little line of a subroutine breaks down, if those "trivial" bits cease to be dealt with, the entire program WILL crash.


How little time there is to really enjoy the moments we are alive.  So many details barge in, our own needs, the needs of others, future needs that want planning for, how are we ever supposed to just BE in this world?  It's too damn hard to do.  Too difficult to find time to just soak up your surroundings and your existence.  Intrusions are everywhere, but most of all inside my own head.  Words, words, words, passions, colors, shapes, love, sorrow, joy, all come crowding in, all at once, and shatter any hard-won silence I may find.

Poems From My Travels

Ruminations on A Storm
By C.K.Armistead
Oct. 2014


Rumbledy thumps
Bumps and crackles
Mutter, moans, and
Ghostly cackles
The storm is getting
Some practice in
Before Halloween
Comes again.




Cloud music
Static crackling
Low grumbling
On it goes
A symphony of
Noise and light
Lasting all night.






Grumbling thunder
Flashes of light
An Oklahoma melody
On an Alabama night.
So it kept you awake,
and anxious perhaps:
But I slept just fine
Though the sky was alive
The song that it sang
An Oklahoma Lullaby.






How I Felt After I Read Your Book
(For Ron Perlman, on his book, Easy Street (the Hard Way)


C.K. Armistead Oct. 2014


Searching now for ways
To share the love,
The care I've received
From others
Back into the world
To help the world
Be a little better, kinder,
Easier for others.


Because that's what you do
You give back more than you know.
Have made days brighter
Hearts lighter
Just by doing what you always do
Making fictional people come alive
And making us care about them
Giving back the love
Your fans give you.
Cause love just grows
The more you give it away!






Inspiration
By C.K. Armistead
October, 2014


And so sleep once again
Proves an elusive beast.
Just when I think my brain will give in,
Words come in a poetic feast.


The loud clamoring words
Demanding to be put down
Saying rest is for cowards
Writing the way to win the crown.

Poetry In Progress

 A couple of things that have been running around in my head lately.  One actually made its way almost complete onto paper before I got here with it, the other had to be extracted on the spot, and I still may tinker with them both in the future. 

Seasonal Changes
By Carolyn Kay Armistead
September, 2014

Already the light
Is from a different angle,
Has a different character,
A different feel.

Already the sun is less intense
The breeze a bit cooler,
The shadows longer.

Some of the trees are
Already beginning to
Turn a bit gold
Only on the edges.
It hasn't been cold enough
Yet to change them much.

Only a few brave marigolds
Hang on and bloom,
And the mums are starting
To dominate.

This is the season of not-quite.
Not really hot enough to be Summer,
Not nippy enough yet to be Autumn,
Even though the calendar says it is.

I am SO ready for the shorter, cooler days,
The symphony the wind in dry leaves plays,
The rough bluster of the weather
And being able to wear a sweater.

Listening To Silence
By Carolyn Kay Armistead
September 2014

And silence
Is the loudest
Thing there is.
Blocking out hope
Enforcing barriers
Covering all
And nothing.

But sometimes
It is necessary
So we can hear
The quiet voice
And learn more
Before we make
A choice.

Rather than say
A word that may harm,
Silence is at least
More warm.
It leaves a comfort
That a cruel word
Removes
Like a scab torn off
Of a healing wound.

Yet silence can also
Fester
Letting miscommunication
Linger
Breeding sadness, anger,
Misunderstanding.

So. 
To let Silence grow,
Or to break it?
Much depends
Upon the reason
It is there.
Listen to the Silence.
It will tell you,
Perhaps,
What sort it is. 
Or your heart will.

Random Inspiration
C.K. Armistead
September, 2014

So much potential
So many words
And ways to use them
And yet
I sit. 
Nothing finds its way
Out of the circles in my head
And onto a page.
The sense of power
And mystery
I have always felt
When there seems to be
A verse, a story,
An Image
Just about to reveal itself,
Just almost
Within my grasp.
The trepidation
That reaching for it
Will scare it away
That the lovely thing
Will vanish
The minute my mind
Sees it clearly.
Such fear holds me captive
Most of the time.
It takes courage
To reach out with words,
To try to capture
The beautiful, fleeting image
Or the pitiful dark pain,
The vision many have seen
And described, and shared
That still must be experienced
Oneself
In order to complete itself
In order to join us all
In this soup of human experience.
We are so alone, really.
Closed up and singular
In our own minds,
In our own bodies.
Yet,
We dream the same dreams
Often have the same nightmares.
We need to share them
And learn from each other's
Experience.
Seeing that one CAN
Capture the vision,
Survive the darkness,
Wake to the beautiful light,
We NEED that.
But it is often so very
Difficult
To formulate
Our own piece
Of the puzzle
To share.
Fear stops me.
Holds me captive
Like a fly in amber.
Caught
Frozen
Incomplete.