Life Is What Happens. ..

...When you are making other plans.  It would seem life has decided that my neatly ordered life needed an upset.  Matt and I are sitting in the emergency room waiting to find out why he is so bloated and in pain. We are afraid of the possibilities.  Some could be quite dire.  Or, it could be something as simple as needing to change some of his medications, or it could just be a virus after all, though it doesn't behave like a virus.
Waiting is not my favorite activity.  It leaves me very tired and very tense at the same time. There are things I am supposed to be doing, places I am supposed to be tomorrow,  and I wonder if I  will have the chance.  I also desperately need to sleep, but how can I?  There are too many scenarios,  most of them awful, playing out in my head.

3/26/16

We have since learned that it was his appendix, and he had surgery on the 23rd to remove it.  We have been waiting for signs since that his digestion is getting back in gear, but until this morning, nothing much on that front.  At least there has been some movement, if slow.  It worries me that he has acid reflux all the sudden, when he hasn't had any for YEARS.  I am guessing that this surgery has just thrown off his whole balance, as his blood sugar appears to be resisting settling back into its normal groove. 

3/26/16

It would also seem that this bluetooth keyboard of Matt's that I borrowed despises me, for it just deleted a whole post that I was almost finished with.  This angers me greatly. I am, however, in a hospital room with a tired, uncomforable spouse, so I do not dare call Blogger and this keyboard all the awful names I would like to call them.  (Raggedy raunchy, corn-swozzlin' SHMURD! - to borrow from the Rick O'Shay comic of years ago...)

At any rate, the gist of it is that I have not done a whole lot of writing before this because the hospital is such an environment that numbs the mind.  Time ceases to have real meaning, and yet the realities of birth and death are very much with us.  All the news of celebrity deaths is not helping.  One begins to feel that this is the year we ALL die.  (If I don't get up out of this awful chair soon, my butt will be dead, for sure!) 

I went home early last night so I could get some housework done and get a walk in.  I did both, the house is sparkling, and I got in a mile and a half before dark.  (Cleaned house after.)  I got the sheets on the bed changed this morning, and the dirty ones into the washer. (On the Sanitize cycle, just in case).  The rest of the laundry is in the laundry room, ready to sort. 

Here I had written a lot of very lovely stuff about Holy Week, and I don't have the foggiest notion what it was except the notes in my notebook which I started from.  I guess I shall have to start again. 

Here is what I wrote down a couple of days ago:
3/24/16
It is Holy Week, and as Mother Susan reminded us when she came to visit Matt and pray with us, we are walking through our own trial this week.  Yet how can we forget, even in the midst of our own difficulties, the great suffering endured because of our wayward nature?  The suffering caused to humans by their fellow humans all over the world is a cause for our grief and our shame.
That Jesus saw and well knew what humankind was capable of, yet chose to be a sacrifice for us is still stunning.
Such stunning love, persistent in the face of rejection, ridicule, scorn, and attempted extermination is what Christians are saved by, and what we are supposed to emulate.  Most of us fall woefully short.  We react with fear, anger, and loathing toward those who appear on the outside to be different from us, but really are just human, just like us. We do not often remember the two great commandments.  ONE:  Love the Lord your God with your whole being, and  TWO: Love your neighbor as yourself. 
I really do kinda wonder if the problem some of the loudest hate-spewers out there have is that they really hate themselves.  Deep down, do they see themselves as horrible, worthless creatures, and therefore despise anyone who might actually have redeeming qualities?  Is that the problem? 
They are ignoring the first commandment if they do.  If you love God with all that you are, you will recognize how loved you are in return, and you will want to share that love, and when you do, it multiplies and spreads and eddys around and comes right back at ya with interest. 
The flipside is, hate rebounds on you, too, and not in a good way.  It eats all your joy, corrodes your soul, and leaves you alone and bitter in the dark. 
Hatred does not solve any problems.  It only makes existing ones worse, and causes even more. 
3/26/16

Today is Holy Saturday.  Tonight there will be a VERY long service in every church with a liturgical tradition.  Confirmations, baptisms, reaffirmations of faith, all sorts of celebrations of new life in Christ will happen.  Our service is rather a busy one because we are the Cathedral parish, and people from all over the diocese come to us on Holy Saturday, because that is where the Bishop will be.  Our choir does not normally sing this service, the nine o'clock Parish Choir does it, so I would not normally be there anyway.  I have already missed Good Friday, and will likely miss Easter as well.  Difficult to be away from our St. Paul's family, especially on special days.  The rhythm of the church year marks our own journey.  At least for me, the different seasons of the church year, marking the events in Jesus' journey, also serve as touch points for my own journey, reminding me of purpose and progress as we go.  This week has been a walk in darkness for the most part.  Not knowing if what was found is the total cause of Matt's health problems, not seeing very swift recovery, and wondering what that means for the future.  Yet even on this day, a day when Christians go through with the first disciples, a time of separation, of a sense of loss of God's presence, God hears and answers prayer.  We have received encouraging news, even when fearing we would not.  Not the great rejoicing of Easter, but still not being ignored and unanswered. Tomorrow is the day of joy, when morning dawns bright, and we are told without doubt that we are NOT alone, NOT without hope.  We pray for our own Easter joy, our own sense of release from this shrouded time of gloom. 

O love beyond apprehension
That encompasses all
And reaches past
Our doubt
Be real for us in our
Hour of need.
Thou that gave all there is
For those who would not see
Grant us the vision
Of your nearness
Grant us the light
Of Easter joy.

That is about all I have right now.  I really need to get out of this chair, and maybe even out of this room.  Matt is dozing off and on, but may ask to be back in his chair, all depends on how things go.  I am so weary of no answers and so little progress, but I am grateful for the positive progress we have had. 

Saturday Snippets

Time to post my rambles for the week.  Not a lot of serious writing has gone on.  There has been a bit of a dark mood hanging around, making me seek solace in reading and ignoring the outside world whenever possible.

Today has been laundry, walking, errands, dishes, and dinner at Falcone's!  (At least dinner was fabulous!!)

Here are my daily bits, to be followed by a list of the most recent music list additions.

3/13/16

Not much to say
On such a day
It's not even April
And the Mayflies
Are out.



3/14//16
Pi day.
We had beef pot pie
Home made
With leftover stew as filling.
Good.

All the trees and flowers
Have long since decided
That it is Spring.

 

Lots of daffodils blooming, 

Trees blooming, a few even

Starting to sport leaves.

Nature has hope,

No matter what the rest of us seem to feel.

3/18/6

So neglectful of my promise,

But some days,

I just CANNOT write.

No time

No energy

No inspiration.

3/19/16

I think I am making up now for the days in my teens and early 20s when I either could not afford, or just couldn't find "cute" bras that would fit me.  

Being a "normal" or even somewhat small band size, but requiring a large cup size means that your bras are expensive, even if they aren't very sexy, or very "cute".  

My first ones even, were very utilitarian, with underwires and stiff stays in the sides.  Sears had the unmitigated gall to call them the "Ahh Bra".  HA!!!  I have ridges in my shoulders and my ribcage because of those things!  

I still need an underwire, but technology has improved greatly since 1974, and I don't notice them anymore.  

I also got myself professionally measured again, because age changes things, and I found that while the band size is the same, the cup size is larger.  This means an even smaller selection of possible foundation garments, and until my husband did some research and found Panache Sport, no sports bras the right size, either.

Now I have wonderful sports bras that actually fit, support, and are comfortable, but Panache makes an entire line of absolutely beautiful bras and other lingerie.  (Swimsuits, too!)  

I now have a collection of bras that are actually cute.

Matt appreciates  them, but I don't wear them for him.  I wear them and enjoy them for the way they make me feel.  Wearing any of these, I am comfortable, yes, but I also feel beautiful, confident, and special.  Support for my body AND my spirit!

Housework and laundry never end.  A lot like in-house checkin and book drops at the library.  Maybe that's one reason so many of us who toil in libraries are female - we crave order, and we are used to the unending process that creates it.

Speaking of the housework, I just heard the dryer beep.  Time to go fold and put away my workout clothes.  

All right, my clothes are all folded and put away, and I've made myself a margarita, because it's Saturday night, and #KatieMargarita wanted a drink!

Here are the albums I have added since the last time I did a music update:

 

 And Winter Came by Enya   

Dark Sky Island by Enya

Guess I got nostalgic for some Enya music, and I wanted new stuff.

Emoji Antique by Postmodern Jukebox

Old fashioned covers of new songs.  Some are much better than the originals.

Top Hat on Fleek by Postmodern Jukebox.  

Yet more vintage remakes of current hits.  

I got on a real nostalgia kick, and ordered the complete movie soundtrack edition.  Keeps me hoppin' when I'm working out.  (Also, unfortunately reminds me that I am NOT 17 anymore...)

Best of Bowie -  When David Bowie passed, I realized that the only album of his I ever owned was a vinyl that had long since gone.  So, I found this and now I can have his music whenever I need it once again.

David Bowie's last album.  Has some good moments, but I find the older hits more comforting.

Elton John - Rocket Man- The Definitive Hits  A great trip back in time for me, I've been a fan of Elton's since 1972.  

Wonderful Crazy Night by Elton John- A good album.  I like Blue Wonderful a lot, it reminds me of some of his earlier things.  I have just always liked Elton , the way he sings, and the way he and Bernie Taupin always told the best stories in song.

Frank Sinatra A Voice On Air  This is a treasure trove of history as well as classic Sinatra performances.  These recordings of radio broadcasts can really take you back in time, especially the ones made during the war. 

And now for something COMPLETELY different:

I heard about this next group on NPR, where they were described as being Klesmer meets Middle Eastern folk music, meets funk, meets jazz -- They really are indescribable.  

These are the only two of their albums I bought.  They are very unusual, interesting, and sound more like spy movie background music in some cases than ordinary music you would listen to, but I do enjoy them, their originality is refreshing.

Well, that's this weeks updates.  

Hope you had a good week, and I hope next week is a good one, too.  For some of us, it is Holy Week, which means a lot of church time, and for choir members, a lot of singing.  Thankfully, our choir only has Good Friday and one Easter Sunday service this year.  Not a lot of extra work for us.

Fear and Loathing, Or Politics In America Today

I despise our political process in this country.  It has devolved into some sort of contest to see who is the biggest bully or the glibbest liar. 
That said, I wade through stories and statements and reports, and try to make intelligent decisions when it seems most of my fellow citizens either do "eeny, meeny, miney mo"  or vote for the one who has gotten the most publicity, or in some cases, for whomever their pastor has instructed them to vote for. 
This year, I have decided that NONE of the Republican possibilities are qualified to be President.  None have the presence, or the presence of mind, or the ability to execute that office without sinking this great nation into a slough of disaster it might never recover from. 
On the Democratic side, I'd love to be able to make a hybrid of the two candidates.  We need Hillary's experience with working the system and dealing with the rest of the world, we need Bernie's sensible ideas about getting things on track here.  I really do hope whoever wins, that those two will work together, and it is my most fervent prayer that God deliver us from Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.  Both of them have demonstrated ignorance of our Constitution, and shown contempt for people other than themselves.  It frightens me that such as they could even be seriously CONSIDERED for the office of President. 

All that aside, here are this week's ruminations on life, the universe, and everything

3/7/16
Again faced
With an empty page
Each day's challenge
The same, but not.
Because no two days
Are really
The same.
So many  things I could
Be doing
But I promised
I would Write. So here I am
Filling lines
And time
With not much.
Story of my life.


3/8/16

Left it late
We often do
Leave what should
Be done
To the last possible
Moment
Catching ourselves
On the ragged edge
Of commitments
And needs
How prone to wander off
Is the mind
Especially nowadays
When so many
Beguiling
Electronic amusements
Beckon
Some feel productive
But they all
Just eat our time.
Some time IS
Well spent
If it allows
Us to connect to
Others
But most is
Just vacant
Staring at words
And cat pictures
On a screen.
Or playing idle games.
All of it gone
With the flip of a switch.

Perhaps it is an apt metaphor for all of life.
 So much of what we do seems pointless
 and yet is important to someone.
And our very existence could be wiped out just that quickly -
The strike of a meteor,
The launch of a missile
The spread of a microbe -
We are far more vulnerable than we wish to believe.
So, I'll cherish all my friends
The ones here,
And the ones all over the world
Online
All just as real
As you or I
For all that
Some
I've never met in person.



3/9/16

O coffee,
Elixir made
From magic beans
Hot and strong
Waking me up
On a foggy, grey
Morning.When I would much
Rather
Stay in bed.
Giving back
The ability
To think ,
Clearing my head
But this morning
Your flavor
Reminds me
That I need
To clean
The coffee maker
But still,
You are good.
For there are magic
Cocoa beans
In this batch,
Too.


O Lord,
How we
Poor,
Blind humans
Grope about
Seeking You.
We each have
Different perspectives
On what the greater
Power is -
Some don't see You
Because they cannot
Or will not
Others have tried
In so many ways
To describe
That which cannot BE
Described.
 I believer we are ALL
Responsible
For living up to the
Truth
However we received it -
And that Truth
Universally
Seems to me to be
LOVE.
So many
Use the name
Of God
As an excuse,
A rallying point,
For behavior
That goes directly
AGAINST the heart of
EVERY message
About
You
 That we have ever heard
From the teachers you
sent
And from You, Yourself,
As I believe
You came
We are NOT
Loving our neighbors
As ourselves,
And we are
Certainly
NOT
Loving God with all of our
Being.
Forgive us
And help us
Before we
Destroy
Each other -
I beg You!

Lord, in Your Mercy,
HEAR OUR PRAYER !


3/10/16

I missed a day.  Easy to do when there are so many things that clamor for time and attention.
I thought I had that is, - turns out that pages stuck together
I THOUGHT I had written yesterday, but the evidence
Seems otherwise.
No coffee
Today
So I am
Slower to
Wake
But I can't
Have that jolt
Too often
It isn't good
For my body
So my mind
Must patiently
Rouse itself
Instead of depending
On Coffee's
Alarm
Calling all things
Into focus
And action
More slowly
Instead of
In the fire-drill
Immediacy
That Coffee
Can cause
For me.

An adventure tonight
At work
I've done it
Only once before
But it's
ZUMBA TIME
and I'm going
To work out
With them
The adventure really
Is in remembering
ALL the details.


3/12/16


Another lost day.
Yesterday I just wanted to read.
Writing appealed not at all.
Today I have more time,
But I don't feel there is anything to say

Other than
To express my sorrow
Over the mess
Our election process
Has become.
I really fear that
Trump is popular because
He knows exactly how to
Manipulate the fearful and frustrated
among the
Great, under-educated masses
In this country.
He panders to the selfish nature
Of those who seem to
Think they pay for
Everyone else.
I can understand frustration
I cannot understand naked hatred
And seeking to blame
A group or groups
For your problems.
That sounds too much
Like a song we heard before
From a guy named Hitler.
Remember him?
Remember how many people
DIED stopping him?
Remember how many he
Slaughtered
before the world
woke up and decided to
Stop him?

This generation would do well to quit being so selfish and lazy and look to long - term and HUMANE solutions to our problems.  Hate and blame do not solve problems, they create MORE problems, bigger problems, the kind that will see this great nation reduced to rubble.
Trump doesn't care one BIT about ANY of you and your frustrations, except as a means to give himself power.  He will throw you under the bus in a hot minute if it will suit his purpose.  He doesn't care for anyone but himself, and he certainly doesn't know a single thing about God.  His behavior and his words show that.  Treating anyone who disagrees with him like garbage to be thrown out - he shows us exactly what kind of state we'd be in if he wins. 
You enjoy your right to free speech?  Kiss it and your social media good-bye.  Trump is threatened by opposition of any sort.  He will quash it.  Whether it is legal to do so or not.  The law of the land does not seem to matter to him, either.
He will start rounding up any group he dislikes and "disposing" of them because they are "a threat to the country" - If our Congress would do it's job, he'd be impeached the first time he tried any of that, but who knows?  Most of Congress (and alas, our population) seem ignorant of the very Constitution that they have sworn to uphold.
Trump has stirred up something vile in this country.  For the first time, I really fear the end is near.  I beg of you, vote for anyone other than a man who openly shows his contempt for every single principle of freedom that this country was founded on.  While you're at it, keep an eye on what the other Republican front runners are saying, because some of them sound like religious cult leaders rather than presidential candidates. 
This country needs common sense and cohesion, not a narcissist stirring up division and dangerous hatred.
Our strength is in our ability to work and live together, in spite of our differences, and our ability to use those differences to solve our problems.  You can't go wrong with a variety of talents and perspectives brought to bear on our issues.  That's how this country became a great nation to begin with!

Further Lenten Ruminations

2/28/16

This was written on my tablet during the sermon, right after Mother Susan almost mentioned the Holy Ghost in a scripture where it was not, in fact, mentioned.  We all had a tiny giggle about it.

O Holy Spirit,
Who even in this
Solemn Season
Of Lent
Does still make
Thy Presence known
With bubbling laughter
And with joy.

So words are just images
 for something far too large
 to tame or make subject
 to our inadequate imaginations.
All things in us that are good,
or useful
or in any way noble
are gifts of that joyful Spirit
Who moves where it will,
and blows joy and gifts of
understanding, mercy,
patience, and love
Into our very souls
If we will but receive them
To do the good works
The Spirit may inspire
Does give our very hearts
Strength.
They heal us, they give us
Yet more strength
To do yet more good
In this world.


2/29/16

Leap Day-
Leap of faith
Leap only after looking
Leap ahead,
Leapin' Lizards!

Didn't much want to muse on poetry this weekend, or today, really.
There is a story about the day I was born that they used to tell me, so I'd like to record it.
Better a few days late than never.

On the day I was born, my Mom had a regular appointment with her obstetrician.  Since it was in the afternoon, my sister (13 at the time) went with her to help navigate.  (Mom, we used to joke, could get lost in the back yard.)  While at the appointment, the doctor informed her that she was in the very early stages of labor, and given that she was 36 (old to be having babies in those days), he wanted to take her to the hospital ASAP.
So, here's my 13 year old sister in the waiting room, having to get hold of Pop (no cell phones then) and have him come get them and take Mom to the hospital and her home.  (Nobody under 18 allowed in Maternity waiting areas in those days.)  Then, of course, Pop had to go back to the hospital.  I don't know how they worked it out, perhaps our neighbor picked Pop up at work and took him to meet them at the doctor's office, and then took my sister home, I really don't know.
Must've been an interesting day for my family.
Evidently, I got stuck, and the doctor had to use forceps to get me out - I wasn't born until after 10 pm that night. Poor Mom.  Both of us came through all right, though.
Ha!  I've been an inconvenience to my family from the very beginning!


The very air holds magic, mystery, foreboding-
It is ripe with the tension of the coming storm.

Soon the lightning rips apart the sky
And the thunder roars at us
Like Doom itself
But quite often, this sound and fury
Doesn't mean much.
Not even much rain.
For all the portents
In the air.

3/1/16

And again, a blank page
The reading I was to do
Was not something I wanted
Today.
Today is hustle and bustle
Even though it's Tuesday -
Not Monday.
Still running all over
Too much to do
And never enough time.

Lots done,
But not everything
Never everything
The list looms
Eternally incomplete


3/2/16

More hurry and hope I got everything needful done.  Last week was a blessing- a week out of time to do with as I wished - pretty much.
This week is back to obligations and schedules and wondering how on earth I ever
Had room in my head
For abstract thoughts
For images and dreams
When this all too concrete world
It seems
Is SO much with me.


A flash, a blink, caught in the corner of my eye
A flicker, and rumble,
And light tears apart the sky.
All's dry until
I get closer to home,
And then I notice the wet pavement
The occasional drop on the windshield
The calling cards of an early Spring storm.




3/6/16


On the 3rd, 4th, and 5th, I did not manage to get any writing done.  I was off on the 3rd, we had a concert to attend that evening, so I took my comp day for Saturday, worked ALL DAY Friday to have enough hours, and then on Saturday, worked from 1 to 5, after having spent the better part of the morning cleaning the house.  We had friends over, and so, there was no time to sit and write.



This day,
The wind blew
It blew clouds and
Shadows
All over town.
No rain or storms for us
Not today.
Just lost of wind
Loud,
Mournful,
Anguished, even.
Tugging at every
Loose item in the neighborhood.
Wanting our attention
Trying to tell us something.


Achy and weary
In every joint
But happy.
Worked hard
Got a lot done.
Ate well, but healthily.
There is work of the mind
To be done.
A story to tell
A story to share
But not yet.
It is still in the process
Of becoming.
Much planning,
Polishing,
And hoping
Yet to be done.
And my cozy bed
Looks far too tempting
On this night
When the wind
Continues to howl
Like a predator
On the prowl.

Some Observations From Birthday Week

(Begun on February 25, 2016)

I know, Birthday Week isn't completely over yet, but today IS my birthday, and I have some observations to record.

Monday was most definitely a Monday, even on Birthday Week. I had to grocery shop, put away groceries, and go to my voice lesson, just like always.

Tuesday, things starting getting more fun.  I went out and bought two new pair of Brooks Ghost 8 running shoes, because the two pair I bought in July have very little tread left on the soles.  NOT safe for walking like I do anymore.  New shoes were a must, and I love these shoes.  So glad Dick's Sporting Goods still carries them.

On Tuesday, I also made a trip to Kohl's and to Payless Shoe Source, where I replaced many items that were worn out and/or now too big for me.  (I'd still been making do with slacks for work that were really too big for me.  The clearance racks at Kohl's provided some much needed wardrobe renewal!)  New shoes were a must, too, as I had only one pair of flats suitable for work, and I really needed more presentable comfy shoes.

Wednesday was another shopping day. This time I went to Penney's.  I found several different colors of a style of shirt I LOVE because it is so versatile in my wardrobe for work, church, even casual wear, AND THEY WERE ON SALE!!  BIG price reduction.  Felt very lucky.

Then, when chatting with the young cashier, I heard something that made me wonder if my life's work had been in vain.  She HATES to read!! Oh, dear LORD, that is NOT something you say to someone who is not only a bookworm, but a former teacher and a current library employee!!  I told her she just hadn't met the right author yet, and she needed to keep trying. I also told her that the library has free audiobooks, if you'd rather listen than read.  No law says you have to finish a book you don't enjoy.  Just totally FLOORED me that someone did not read AT ALL!!  Also, she seemed to be HAPPY about it!  Nobody read stories to that child, I'm betting.  Nobody introduced her to Alice, or Bilbo Baggins, or Mr. Toad, or Dorothy and Toto.  What a sad, one-dimensional life she must have.  She is in school, so I am hoping someone MAKES her take a literature class, and that she has a wonderful professor who will introduce her to the reason reading can be FUN.  Escape, adventure, new knowledge - all there, between the covers of a book!

I also hope that if she hates reading because she has difficulty with it, that someone will find out and find a way to help her.  There are LOTS of adult literacy services available here that are free and confidential.  I just hate to see anyone miss out on the joy. Sigh.  If we had stayed in CA, I would have finished my Reading Specialist credential, and I'd probably still be in the trenches teaching kids AND grownups how to read and enjoy reading.  So, dear cheerful child, telling THIS library lady that you don't like to read was NOT a good idea!

Today, my actual birthday, and it has been a glorious day.  The sun was out, the wind was out of the North and a bit chilly, but the day was just gorgeous.
Even better were all the greetings, well wishes, and even a few gifts from friends and family all over the world!  I am truly blessed, and all of my friends mean SO much to me, just to know that you care about me as much as I care about you, it's really a blessing.

I got up today and got my walk and weight workout done, then headed off to the salon for my haircut, and then went down to Norman to get the oil changed in the car.  Once that was done, I went to Target to look around, and found a new set of rugs for our front hall!  A very nice change, and much needed!
I then decided to check out the Norman Kohl's, and found a neat reversible vest to wear while walking, a new long-sleeved walking shirt, a pair of "yoga leggings", and a new pair of black skinny jeans.  All in all a good day.  (I also found a few things for others who have birthdays coming soon...)

Fresh haircut, new sweater, new shirt, new earrings and necklace, tired birthday girl.

So, I wanted to have some really deep thoughts to post, but I think the two margaritas I had at dinner may have rendered that idea a non-starter.
I am just really happy, really full of a good steak dinner, and have a dining room table full of flowers courtesy of my friends Fi, Geoff and Hayden, and my dear Husband, who sent me flower arrangements for my birthday.

Also, my friend Kevin posted the following picture on my Facebook page with the caption: "I got you a present, but he broke loose."

Said Kevin: "I got you a present, but he broke loose."

I think I may treat myself to a massage and facial tomorrow.  I've never had either one before, so I think it's a long overdue indulgence.  I have the money, for once, so I think I'll try.  I just hope the ticklishness is not an issue...

2/26
I did indeed get a massage,neck, shoulders and back only, and a facial today.  It was a very relaxing experience.  Maybe I won't wake up with a sore shoulder in the morning. 
Also, Matt and I went to a tasting event at Nosh this evening, and then stopped at Brand Name Mattress Gallery and ordered a new mattress and box spring.  (Ours are shot.)  This was made possible because of a small bequest from my Mom.  We'd been saving toward a new mattress, but now we can go ahead and get it.
I have done a little writing over the last couple of days, I shall post my daily bits below.

I must say once again that I am beyond blessed by the kindness of all my friends near and far.  I have been showered with love, and I truly do appreciate it.  You know who you are, and you know I love you!


Daily reading/writing:
2/24/16

"I have a Gumbie cat in mind..."
I cannot read this one anymore without hearing Mr. Lloyd Webber's music.
This poem is more in the way of anthropomorphizing  the cat than the previous poem, also far more than Bukowski EVER did.
This Gumbie cat is quite the household busybody and do-gooder , out to improve the lot of all the other creatures in the household.
If you have ever dealt with a certain species of small- town lady, this cat is VERY familiar.
There is always someone, usually a lady of a "certain age" , who gets things going in the community as far as education and training, and things SHE feels are of benefit to the community as a whole.  I've met a few cats like this, but usually not cats we owned.  The female cat we lost a few years ago now was a diva.  an opera fan, and very much "in charge".  We called her "Madame", even though her name was Skye She had an established routine, a way things were preferred to be done. and Heaven help you if you caused a delay or disruption!

2/25/16
"Growltiger's Last Stand"
Here we have Eliot telling an epic story for us of a cat who caused trouble wherever he went.
He terrorized everyone, and consequently, no one came to his aid when an enemy got him surrounded.
Perhaps the lesson here is that if you are a bully, and use and abuse others, NO ONE will be sorry to see you go - they may even line up to help those who seek to do you harm.

It's my birthday -
I've had a busy and very enjoyable day. So many greetings from all over.
I am truly blessed.
So many times I wonder if what I do in this world is noticed - and then a day like this comes along, and I know it is.  I know that those I cherish also cherish me.  It means more than I can say, my heart is so full, I just can't hold all the joy!

2/26/16

"His disobliging ways are a matter of a habit." - Rum Tum Tugger -T.S.Eliot

Again- cat behavior as human behavior.  Cats are independent creatures really.  Made to be hunters- only "tamed" by us for their own convenience.
That said, we can see Mr. Eliot;s point all too easily - the cat who never seems to be satisfied unless he's put someone to trouble on his behalf.
How many, many people do we see like this? How often are we like this ourselves? It would behoove us perhaps, to remember that humans are NOT really meant to be independent hunters- we were created with a need for each other.
Being social is a part of what we are - even those who are introverted- we need other people around if only to know that the world goes on-
The world as it is today is a very INTERDEPENDENT place.  We need each other, or nothing works.
We need perhaps to be a little more mindful and a little more kind to everyone around, for everyone has something to contribute, and certainly without those that monitor and maintain our power plants, our water treatment facilities, those who clean up after everyone, those who transport food and other things we need, those that grow the food, well where WOULD we be? 
Almost no one lives in such a place, or has such knowledge and resources to provide all those things for themselves anymore.  Therefore, let us be amused by the "Rum Tum Tugger's " behavior, for he is a cat, but let us not emulate it, for we NEED each other and we should be ever mindful of that.

Ruminations on Readings

2/20/16

"Cat E: just came to the door one day, all black, the perfect animal, each movement
Slides through space without friction,
he's the leopard, those yellow eyes look at you and say
kill or be killed, he's centuries old
the other cats stay away from him
Including the great fighter:  C
it's the EYES, they can't handle those
EYES
he will never be tamed
yet manage to pick him up, stroke him, put him
down, he will follow you for
some minutes, purring:
he is thanking you for not murdering
him
he'd scare the hell out of Charles Manson
and if he had to choose from such things
in a milder moment he might possibly go
Celine." -Bukouski, from Five Cats

This cat very much puts me in mind of our Cinders.
He didn't really belong to anyone
But consented to let us be the closet thing to staff he ever had.
He was very leopard - like -
big, sleek, battle-scarred and
very sure of himself
The father of Generations
(Grandsire of our Ollie, who loved my Mom so much)

The neighborhood dogs were afraid of him,

I've seen him sit on a sidewalk cleaning his paw casually
as a young pit bull ran up barking and growling, the other neighborhood dogs
basically yelling : "No, man, don't do it!!"
He started slowing down, but not before he got close enough.  Cinders reached out and slammed that well-groomed paw right into the dog's face.  He yelped and stopped, shaking his head, and Cinders clouted him again, just to remind him who's boss in the neighborhood. 
He used to walk with the postman, who was very glad of his company, as all of the dogs would back away, giving Cinders, and consequently himself, a wide berth.
Cinders was most definitely a tomcat,
and it was his
Don Juan ways that led to his demise.
No opponent bested him -
None but a feline sort of VD,
The vet said not much would help

and the old guy
was suffering greatly
Consenting to staying in the laundry room.
We finally saw the look in his eye that said "I's time."
We took him to the vet for a
 peaceful exit
And there was great mourning
in the neighborhood.
Even the dogs kept a
A moment of silence.

2/21/16

"Cats and people and you and me

and everything -
the Egyptians loved the cat
were often entombed with it
instead of the woman
and never the dog
and now
the good people with the
good eyes
are very few

yet the fine cats
with great style
lounge about the alleys of
the universe

about
our argument tonight
whatever it was
about
and
no matter
how unhappy
it made us
feel
remember that
there is a
cat
somewhere
adjusting to the
space of itself
with a delightful
wonderment of
easiness

in other words
magic persists
without us
no matter what
we do
against it.

and I would plunder and
destroy the last chance of
myself and of you
that this might
continue

there is no
argument."
- Bukowski

"Magic persists."
Mr. Bukowski tells us
In spite of all we do to thwart it,
it does.
We sometimes won't see it

because we humans
like explanations
and logic.
Magic is too messy
and too
Whimsical
To suit us
Magic like
Rain + sunlight = rainbow
Magic like
The Robin's Evensong
Like a child's smile
Like the sweetness
of honey
Like all the
Millions of little,
Magical
Moments
and things
that make life
real.


2/22/16

"I know, I know
they are limited, have different
needs and
concerns.

but I watch and learn from then
I like the little they know
which is so
much

they complain but never
worry.
they walk with a surprising dignity
they sleep with a direct simplicity that
humans just can't
understand,

their eyes are more
beautiful than our eyes
and they can sleep 20 hours
a day
without
hesitation or
remorse

When I am feeling
low
all I have to do is
watch my cats
and my
courage
returns

I study these
creatures
they are my
teachers."
-Bukowski

The "little they know which is so much"
 is that lesson of living in the present moment which is so difficult for us hamster-wheel brained humans.
 That wheel is always spinning, our minds restless.
Mulling over everything that is, was, or could be-
While cats live in the beauty of
Right Now,
and enjoy it without being distracted by that sort of dratted squeaking wheel.
Why can't I still that tumbling mind, learn to just "be" as cats do?
My head is a very noisy place
on the inside.

2/23/16

"And now, for something completely different."...
I've been ruminating on the cat- themed poems of Charles Bukowski, but starting today, I shall muse on the very famous "Old Possum's Book Of Practical Cats" by T.S. Eliot
I have long loved these poems, and the wonderful musical based upon them.
There is most definite music in Thomas Sterns Eliot's work.

The very first poem- "The Naming Of Cats"
tells of all the problems attendant to trying to sum up such a marvelous, singular creature as a particular cat.We name them usually, for our convenience, but they have a name beyond  any we can fathom -
Given, I believe by that Power whose Love made us all possible.
"When you notice a cat in
profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you is always
the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
of the thought, of the thought
Of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name."
- T.S. Eliot , The Naming Of Cats

Perhaps we also engage in a variety of this meditation from time to time, trying, usually in vain
To learn to hear the Name
Given by our Creator
Who calls to us in love
Softly, sometimes distantly,
Yet oh, so insistently
To find our true self
As seen by the eyes
of a love
Beyond our comprehension.

The Muse Goes On...

Boots, photographed by my fellow soprano Mary Reynolds

2/17/16
Boots
The Cathedral Cat
Snoozing in the
Sun
In front of the
Narthex door
To the cloister
Her cloister,
it often seems.
For that is where
She waits
To greet us
Every Wednesday
For rehearsal
And on Sundays
Before the crowds
Arrive
Boots has her favorites
Mostly among the choir
For cats
And good music
Just seem
To go together
-C,K. Armistead Feb 17,2016

2/17/16
(Bukowski On Cats reading)
"They are asleep across the top of my feet.
I can feel the gentle weight of them
the touch of fur
I am aware of their breathing:
good things happen often, remember that
as the Bombs trundle out in their
magnificent dumbness
these
at my feet
know more
are
more,
and instants of the moment explode
larger
and a lucky past
can never be
killed." - Bukowski

Cats, indeed any animals, can be a reminder of the stubbornness of joy in life.
Oh, many of us ignore joy, or lose it for a LONG time, but joy lies in wait
Like a cat in the shadows
Under the table of life
To spring on us again
And catch us
In those thrilling
If slightly painful claws
For most joy has a tinge
Of sorrow
Or guilt with it-
We humans know how lousy
We can be
How undeserving of joy
But joy deigns still
To pounce on us
Once in a while
In unexpected places
Just like a cat
At play with our souls.


2/18/16

"I live with a lady and four cats
and some days we all get
along.
some days I trouble with
one of the
cats
other days I have trouble with
two of the
cats.
other days,
three.
Some days I have trouble with
all four of the
cats
and the
lady
ten eyes looking at me
as if I were a dog.
- Bukowski

This poem perfectly depicts the feeling you get from an unhappy cat.  They look at you with this odd combination of disgust, disappointment, and pity.
I suppose we ladies DO look upon our men that way sometimes.
Times when they've behaved
Like a very rambunctious
and undisciplined puppy
Or a grouchy, growly
Old dog.
But I hope I look at
You with more
Understanding
Because I always understood
That the dog
Just couldn't help it.

2/19/16

"It's 11:45 pm and
I'm drunk...
listen, relax, you've read
worse
poems than
this...
and I've written
them." - Bukowski

Very encouraging to know that I am not alone in feeling that I've written some awful drivel, and also some not so bad.
Written a few things that truly shine and make me proud of myself.
Just hard to realize that others feel the same about their own work
Hey, this one's not great
But it's not garbage, either.

Skye admiring herself