Getting Older

There is a birthday looming in my near future.  It isn't a milestone.  It is three years past a milestone.  Seven years from the next one.  There are  sags and lines and grey hairs that I didn't notice before.  There is less energy sometimes.  Things ache that didn't used to, even if it is only for a little while in the morning.  Some joints are lumpy.  Veins are more visible.  The bad part is, my mind, my interests, all that makes me "me" still feels about like it did when I was 25.  I have many interests and activities, I hang out with people of all ages, both older and younger than myself. 
There are days when I don't feel like doing much, but I make myself get up and do SOMETHING anyway. 
The crunch of diminishing time available is present.  There are things I want to do that I fear I just will never get around to doing.  Either too busy with something else I love, or no money.  Because I love my job.  It is one of those things that gets me off my behind and makes me get involved in life even on days when I  don't really want to.  I love the people I work with, I even love our customers most of the time.  (OK, so the sixth person in a row to ask me about tax forms, I may not love them very much, but I won't kill them.)
The singing commitments I have are very special to me.  I have found that I love to sing, that it gives me a chance to express myself in ways I cannot otherwise.  Choir, of course, is part of my faith commitment.  We help lead the worship at church , so choir is a ministry.  Master Chorale is something more for fun, but it is a challenge.  A bet with myself that I can discipline myself to learn this music well enough to sing it in public.  Voice lessons are necessary.  I would not be able to sing at all without them.  Recitals are fun.  Since everybody is in the same boat, I don't get too awfully nervous.  
 I have friends I love, and I love to spend time with them. They make me laugh, and all of us feel the years fall away when we get started laughing about things.  (Even if some of us only get together online, the laughter is good for us.)  The friends I spend time with here though, they are the best. They've known me for the last 20 years or so.  They've seen age creep up, but still think of me like I used to be.  Priceless people.
(That redheaded man in the picture on the left below, he still sees me as that sweet young thing he has his arm around there.  God bless his little heart.)
 Still, some days I mourn the smooth, firm line my jaw once had.  I mourn the figure that allowed me to wear more revealing things without looking desperate.  I even mourn the long hair that was such a pain in the a** to take care of.  Now I can improve some of these things.  I can firm the figure up by getting back into my exercise routine, but the skin will never be as smooth as it once was, no matter what I do to it.  But I don't want to recapture my youth.  I want to come to terms with where I am now.  I want to still feel that I am beautiful, that I am NOT an "old lady".  (Though some of my family members will argue that I was born about 35 years old and never really had a childhood.  Yes I did.  It's called Fandom, and I immersed myself in it from my teen years on...) 
In short, I want the way I look to match the way I feel about myself a little better.  Still haven't figured out how to do that.  I figure the exercise is at least a start, as it will improve my health if nothing else.  (Or, it might just make something else start to hurt...)

                











1983                                                                                                                           2013