Saturday, February 25, 2017

Birthday Reflections

Another birthday, another year of life to celebrate.

It has been quite a journey since this time last year.  Last year was my first birthday without my Mom.  (Or Mommy-Mo, as I called her when I was little, for some reason.)
There have been many losses and disappointments this year, but my friends have NEVER let me down. 
Through sad times and happy times, stressful times, and laid-back times, my friends have always been there, to listen, to hug, to cheer me up, in essence, to be my friends.
My husband has also been there, even when I am not pleasant to live with, he has stood by me, and loved me anyway.  He's one special guy.  He'll always be my knight in smelly flight suit, my hero, someone who has FAR more patience with himself and me than I will ever possess.

This birthday has been resoundingly joyful.  My friends have showered me with love and good wishes, and some with gifts, and I am grateful for them ALL.  That my friends think enough of me to recognize my birthday, it means a lot.  I have gotten cards from family, too, and that is always special, especially when my brothers joke around with me.  They are special guys.  So intelligent, and so funny.  My sister is almost a second mom to me.  She's always seemed to feel responsible for me, and I think she's been overjoyed to realize that I can be responsible for myself now.  (Well, with Matt's help, and he is a big help.) She's always been there,  my big sister, to make me laugh, to take me fun places when I was a kid, to make life more fun.  Now that all of us have cell phones and unlimited text plans, I hear from my esteemed siblings more often.  It's a good thing.  All we got left is each other, as far as our original family goes.  We all have spouses, they have kids, my sister has grandkids, which she very kindly shares with me.  (It's a lot of fun  to be silly old Auntie Katie!)
I also have "library kids", "church kids", and "Perlgirl kids".  These are all special to me, also. 

My community and my coworkers, our library customers, the Friends volunteers, my St. Paul's family, everyone in my daily life, I feel blessed to know.  I am very grateful for a job that lets me serve this community. I may not always agree with the politics of my adopted state, but the people are really good at heart. Even the ones who violently disagree with your politics or religion will be right there helping out when you need them.  They may succumb to the rhetoric of the hateful politicians at times, but their actions usually spring from love.  They will help if you need help, and not care about anything else right then.  Makes me wish they'd see how their political rhetoric hurts some of their neighbors, but well, those habits are hard to break, I know. I pray for them.  And for myself.  And for those out in the world that are just plain hateful all the time.  They need our prayers most.

My family at St. Paul's have been a source of solace and strength for years. A week without being in church just feels so WRONG, because I don't get to spend time with all of you. Singing with that choir is one of the greatest joys in my life.  You all are phenomenal.  Scott Raab, your talent and your musical knowledge, and the love you have for all of us and the cathedral are special treasures in this life.  The clergy at St. Paul's have always been special to us; Canon Susan, and Father Tim Sean especially in recent years, but Dean Justin, and Deacon Marilyn have been important in our lives, also.

My Twitter friends are also very dear to me.  Ron Perlman, Michael Ornstein, my fellow #PerlGirls, Fantastic Negrito, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, and so many others who interact with me on a regular basis, but Ron and my Perlsistas especially, have pulled me through some tough times.  I love you guys, I really, really do.  You make me laugh, you help me keep a song in my heart, you remind me that love is still out there, no matter what.

Mike and Nancy Rogers are special treasures.  Two better friends you will never find.  You two are so very dear to both of us, you will never know.  Thank you for coming to share my birthday with me, for your friendship and your good fellowship.  You are very, very loved.

So, as I look back on this birthday just ended, I look back with great joy and gratitude.  You all have made my whole life beautiful and filled with joy.  I am SO grateful to know each and every one of you. 
Thanks again to Ron Perlman, Linda O'Leary, Jana Lynn Waller, Paulette Horn, Fiona Dotter, Mallory McCreary, Anne Dallesandro, Mary Stolfa, Kelly C Reeves, Sabrina Quintofiore, Marie Therese Hansen, Patti Helps, Christina Boulard, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, Xavier , Michael M. Ornstein.  You are all VERY dear to me.  Kisses and hugs.

Oh, and Ron, I had two margaritas, a steak dinner, and a big piece of chocolate cheesecake.  See, I followed your suggestions.  Love you bunches!


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Trying to Avoid The Slough Of Despond

....And not always succeeding.
There have been many days lately when I have had ZERO motivation to do anything, even though there are things I WANT to do, and NEED to do, I just keep sitting here doing not much.
Today, however, I got everything on  my "to do" list crossed off.  It feels wonderful.
Of course, there are still things I should have put on the list, but did not.  I didn't do voice practice, or practice my piano today, but I DID do my workouts, and I got the house cleaned!
I got all the Valentine cards for my coworkers done, and I made the March staff birthday cards.
If only I could get that pesky digital thermometer in the hall to stop beeping all the damn time...
Just what popped into my head as I sat down here to write.
Here are some bits from the journal.  It hasn't been as consistent as I would like.
January 17, 2017
"I think that one of the jobs of political leaders going forward is , is to tell a better story about what binds us together as a people.  And America is unique in having to stitch together all these disparate elements - we're not one race, we're not one tribe, folks didn't all arrive here at the same time.  What holds us together is an idea, and it's a story about who we are and what's important to us.  And I want to make sure that we continue that."  - Barack Obama
Had to copy that out as soon as I read it.  What a wonderful. articulate statement about us and how things work.  God bless him, I hope we keep hearing from him even though he's done being President.  We still hear from other former Presidents now and then, so why not?
Today's lyrics are
"Dance Me To The End Of Love"
Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
'till I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
And be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love."
Such a very lovely song - the progression of love through the stages and ages.

Take My Hand
by C.K. Armistead
2017
Take my hand and remember
The young man that you were
Look at me and forget
How old we are
Take my hand,
Pull me closer
Remind me that
Even though
It's been so long
You still love me
Take my hand and
Remember
The young woman I once was
The echoes of that
Beauty
Only you still can see
It's time
There's still fire
Burning low between us
But it is mellower now
No longer a conflagration
But a warm, cozy place
To comfort each other
And remember the heat
Of that blaze.


January 18, 2017
Today's lyric is "Dear Heather"
"Dear Heather
Please walk by me again
With a drink in your hand
And your legs all white
From the winter."
That's the whole thing.
Very tightly drawn, simple, to the point.
Sounds like the first pool party of the season - nobody's got a tan yet.

January 19, 2017 (Actually written in the notebook on the 20th...)
Today's lyrics are
"Death Of A Ladies' Man"
It is a down song- rather cynical and sad.
"The last time that I saw him
he was trying hard to get
a woman's education but
he's not a woman yet.
And the last time that I
saw her she was living
with some boy
Who gives her soul an empty room
and gives her body joy."
So true that the physical for some people is worth more than the emotional and intellectual connect.
I've never understood that
as the emotional  and intellectual aspects are the ones that last.
The physical is important, too, but it shouldn't be the only foundation of a relationship.

January 20, 2017
Today's lyrics "Democracy"
(How extremely appropriate for today!)
"It's coming to America first,
the cradle of the best and of the worst.
It's here they got the range
and the machinery for change
and it's here they got the spiritual thirst
It's here the family's broken
and it's here the lonely say
that the heart has got to open
in a fundamental way:
Democracy is coming to the USA."
Mr. Cohen was writing as a Canadian who has lived and worked in this country for years- he sees both the problems and the advantages here - with no illusions, and still with hope.
Today we need to move forward with hope and with love and care for our fellow citizens- for this is going to impact on all of us, and I fear it will not be in a good way for any of us.
We will need to all work together to fix it.
I just hope there's something left to fix.
"I love the country but I can't
stand the scene.
And I'm neither left or right
I'm just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
But I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
that Time cannot decay
I'm junk but I'm still holding up
this little wild bouquet:
Democracy is coming to the USA."

Some days have been lost as I took a tumble while out walking, and got out of the mood for keeping my resolutions for a few days.
As my resolve has returned, I shall pick up where I left off.
One feels foolish
When something like this happens.
When you fall even though
You know good and well
Where the trip hazard is.
It's a bit demoralizing.

1 st "missed" song:  Diamonds In The Mine
This one didn't say much to me today.  Just full of irony.

2nd Missed song-  Do I Have To Dance All Night
Seems a bit frivolous, but Mr. Cohen usually has a deeper meaning
Afraid I'm not seeing it today.

24th's song:
Dress Rehearsal Rag
This sound s like the dress rehearsal is for death - that life gets used u so quickly, and now we are stuck near the end with nothing much to show for it.

January 25, 2017
Today's song is Everybody Knows
One I am very familiar with and one that seems unfortunately all too true of today in America. -
"The dice are loaded
The good guys lost
The fight was fixed
The poor stay poor
The rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows."
It goes from general common knowledge to the personal - things one might assume WEREN'T common knowledge - but oh, in this over connected world, they are.
Wish it wasn't such a sure thing that the game is rigged, but it is more and more looking like the Republicans are bent on destroying Democracy in order to hold on to power.  Please, God, breathe life into the Democrats that they can have the moral strength to join together to thwart this current evil.

Believe I will go walk at our new Moore Central Park today.  It should be a nice, even place to walk.  Alas, the track is rather dull in winter - no trees, no scenery.

January 27th 2017
Skipped a day again-
26th's song was
Famous Blue Raincoat
Sounds like a song about someone left behind-wonder how you're doing,
How have you fared in life, etc.
But it is about himself - wondering about all that has passed so far in life.
"And what can I tell you,
my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad that you stood in my way."
Very definitely written to a former self -

Today I walked the neighborhood again - only the shorter of my favored routes, and not hurrying. 
Much better than the park - the neighborhood has trees and sound and quiet, all helpful.
Also, no incidents of lost footing.

Today's song is Field Commander Cohen, written after a visit to Israel not long before the start of the Yom Kippur War in 1973.  It was written while he was in Ethiopia.


January 30, 2017
No pretense of trying to catch up shall be made.
"Fingerprints" is the next lyric in line.
"Touched you once too often
Now I don't know who I am
My fingerprints were missing
When I wiped away the jam."
A simple , sort of silly song, about feeling lost in a relationship.

Right now, the politics is too much with us.  There's little escape from it - I want that moron and his fascist friends out of the White House, but what can we do if Congress won't do its job?

January 31, 2017
Our idyll is ended
No innocence left at all
Once great nation
Reduced to small
Angry factions
Arguing over the spoils.
I miss the assurance
That things would carry on
Miss being able to plan
Trips in advance
As it is
My friends may not be able
To visit
We will not be able
To use things
We have already paid for.
It needs to stop
And those who could -
Sit on their hands
And don't-
Even when the people
Demand
It.

Today's lyrics are : "First We Take Manhattan  Then We Take Berlin"
Once wonders WHO is taking Manhattan these days -
There's a  lot of ugliness in our President and his cabinet -
Not too impressed with Congressional leadership, either.


February 2, 2017
O sunny, happy
Yellow
Scrambled eggs.
Tasty and comforting
Sitting there with
My toast
Such a happy breakfast.

So many days, when the news is depressing and disastrous,
It is such a joy to come to my job
And interact with my coworkers and our customers. 
Such a caring and happy library
And community.

Today's lyrics are for a song I've never heard before
"God is Alive Magic Is Afoot"
Though laws were carved in marble
They could not shelter men
Though altars built in Parliaments
They could not order men
Police arrested magic and magic
Went with them
Mmmmm ... for magic loves the hungry
But magic would not tarry
It moves from arm to arm
It would not stay with them
Magic is afoot
It cannot come to harm
It rests in an empty palm
It spawns in an empty mind
But magic is no instrument
Magic is the end
Many men drove magic
But magic stayed behind.
Many strong men lied
They only passed through magic
And out the other side"

We could use both God and magic these days.  We need some clarity and some healing.



February 7, 2017
So many goings on so little writing done.
_I've spent an entire day reading a mystery novel I was waiting for,
_I've lost a neighbor to an accident
_My voice coach is laid up with complications from her diabetes, so no lessons
_My weight's gone up because I'm eating too much and moving too little
It's pretty quiet out here so far today.
A pleasant Tuesday afternoon at our library.
Today's lyrics are perhaps Leonard's best known:
"Hallelujah"
Two versions were recorded by Leonard, and MANY artists
Have covered the song, including many I personally feel should not have.
(Wrong character to the voice - too light or too smooth - Leonard's songs sound best in a voice near his own.)
I don't often tell you
Just know that it is true
When storms are raging
My only shelter is you.
No one else's arms will do
When worries and alarms are plaguing-
Only one hug I'm running to
One voice to make it right
Only you, my Love, only you!
-C.K. Armistead 2/7/2017

So fleeting
Our time here
No permanence
To anything
No matter how
We fool ourselves
On that score
Our lives are but a moment,
A twinkle of starlight
Quickly passed
And soon forgot
Still we strive
We struggle and claw
To leave a mark
Upon the face
Of Time.
-C.K. Armistead February 7, 2017
That's all I've got so far.  Nothing new added yet.
Today is Valentine's Day - so many that I love, so many I hope remember that they are loved!

Monday, January 16, 2017

Another Week Down

So, this has been the second full week of 2017. So far, not QUITE as shocking as 2016, but still pretty darned depressing.

We have been threatened with ice storm Armageddon, and had temps in the 60s during the past week.

Today is the day we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  If ever we needed a leader like him, we need one now.  We need someone who  can speak truth to the people, and make them hear it.  We are all of us going to have to step up in the next four years and be prepared to say "NO! That is NOT what America is about!  America is NOT about racism, or letting our allies down, or making enemies out of our friends, or honoring our enemies INSTEAD of our friends. "
Keep calling your representatives and Senators, every single time an issue concerns you, let them know you are concerned.  CALL.  That is something the staffers have to deal with, and they will definitely tell their boss about the calls.

I think one reason it has been so easy for a foreign power to encourage us to be divided and hateful is because we have gotten complacent and lazy about our democracy.  We do not involve ourselves, we don't go to city council meetings, or pay much attention to anything our elected officials do, unless it threatens to directly affect our pocketbooks.  Well, friends, the stuff our Congress is talking about doing right now is going to affect ALL of our pocketbooks, big time.  The only ones who will benefit are a few very rich people who will get a nice tax break, while the rest of us stand to lose our health care and the Social Security and Medicare benefits WE'VE been paying for all these years.  Don't let them do it.  Call and voice your concern!

So, enough of that, on to the journal:

January 9, 2017

Today's Lyrics are :

"Because Of
Because of a few songs
Wherein I spoke of their mystery,
Women have been
Exceptionally kind
To my old age.
They make a secret place
In their busy lives
And they take me there.
They become naked
In their different ways
And they say
"Look at me , Leonard
Look at me one last time."
Then they bend over the bed
And cover me up
Like a baby that is shivering."

- Leonard Cohen

Perhaps he found his experience that way -
or perhaps this is a bit in jest-
But sometimes an artist's work will touch us
and we MUST respond
One way or another.

"Naked in their different ways"
again perhaps there are more difficult types of nakedness than the physical.
Sharing our thoughts, our honest thoughts - with another is very scary business.

I grow sleepy
Too weary to wield the pen
So - off to bed
To sleep
Perchance to dream...

January 10, 2017

Today's lyrics of Leonard Cohen are "Bird On A Wire"

This song is so familiar to me, I've heard it so often, that I really have to stop and look at the words.
Though that image of "A drunk in a midnight choir" is one that always makes me smile.
Free, indeed.  No inhibitions.
I don't always see the birds perched on wires around here as free.  They seem to be in rigid formation, all spaced just so - all taking off or landing at the same time.

The images of the baby still born and the beast with his horn "Tearing everyone who reached out" for him, that's an odd and very effective image for me.
Several friends, and even a family member, have had stillborn babies.
It hurts SO much, even when you aren't a family member - the lost dreams for that little one who was loved even though they weren't quite here yet.


January 11, 2017

Today the temperatures are in the 60s, and the sky is blue, streaked with feathery clouds.
The breeze is from the South, the air is moist, for a change.
Yet we are threatened with ice and then cold rain
As soon as the day after tomorrow.
Such a world we live in-
Such a world.

Today's Song lyrics are "Boogie Street"
The whole thing is about how we live in this hustling, bustling, working world, and have so very few so very short - lived reprieves of love and closeness,
and then we're back out in the world -
Back on Boogie Street.

Mr Cohen has said that the respites are tine spent with loved ones, or with a spouse or lover making love -
But to me, the respite sometimes comes in singing

Choir rehearsal tonight was a much needed, sublime experience of losing myself in the blend of our voices in song.

Many of us have been singing together for many years-
These are people I care for - my choir family- we lift our voices in worship and praise, and it is also work, to get the notes right, to get the sound to come out right,
But it is also love -
Love for God, for each other, and for that beautiful music.
We are made new,
Refreshed,
Blessed,
By our time with the music.
 Our voices blend - becoming one voice -


The part of "Boogie Street"  that
most speaks to me is:
"So come, my friends, be not afraid
We are so lightly here
It is in love that we are made;
In love we disappear.
Though all the maps of blood and flesh
Are posted on the door
There's no one who has told us yet
What Boogie Street is for."

The sublime moments seem to be what life is about, yet they are so fleeting and we're - boom- back in cold, hard reality again - back on Boogie Street.

But what he's saying is- these moments of losing ourselves  - in love, beauty, pleasure -
THAT is real life -
and we don't have a clue why all the hustle and bustle of Boogie Street seems so necessary -
No one's told us- are we to learn from it, learn to  do without it - or just endure it?

Perhaps it serves as contrast
so that we may TRULY appreciate those moments of transcendent bliss
When they appear.

January 12, 2017

Today's song lyric is By The Rivers Dark

"By the rivers dark
I wondered on
I lived my life
in Babylon

And I did forget
My holy song.
And I had no strength
In Babylon

By the Rivers dark
Where I could not see
Who was waiting there
Who was hunting me..."

A powerful lyric, and one we seem, unfortunately, to be living out.
Cast into a suddenly foreign place
By our fellow citizens who voted for "change"
They voted for revenge,
But the joke's on  them.
They are getting disaster
And unfortunately,
They will take the rest of us
down with them.
They will not realize until
Far too late
That they sold themselves
Onto Evil's plate,
And they shall be consumed.

However,
I have NOT forgotten
My holy song
That God is LOVE
And if we are of God,
We must conquer fear and hate
With LOVE.
We must fight back
and sing our holy songs
As loudly as we can.
The Spirit sings in all
Who believe
And will amplify our voices
Come, let us sing!

January 13, 2017

Cold
Icy
Slippery
Still we are at work
But tomorrow
Will be a day
To cower
Inside
With a hot beverage
And a good book
In my cozy nook
Where I can watch
The ravenous cold
Work it's icy will
Upon the world.

Today's lyrics
"Came So Far For Beauty"
"I came so far for beauty
I left so much behind
My patience and my family,
My masterpiece unsigned

I thought I'd be rewarded
For such a lonely choice
And surely she would answer
To such a very hopeless voice."


This song details a search for the approval of the desired object "Beauty" - or the attention of someone- and how no matter what the seeker does, his or her suit goes unremarked, ignored.

How often do we pursue some unobtainable, really unnecessary goal - someone's attention, recognition from a certain person or group, self-aggrandizement - how often are we ignored
because we make this pursuit for the wrong reason, or out of purely selfish need.

How often do some think they can buy approval
Only to learn that it really
Must be earned.

I should avoid the Friends shelves.
Yet another book has beguiled me.
I have so many already
Yet to be read
I'll still be reading
Ten years after I'm dead!

January 14, 2017
Today it was cold, but the rain was rain, and did not freeze.
A hawk grabbed a bird on our porch and hauled it across the street to make it his brunch.

It was one of those days when steam from heater and water heater vents streamed toward Texas on the North Wind.

It is also the day that Chelsea Hotel #2 is the Leonard Cohen Song of the day.

It does give one a glimpse of life for performers in the 60s - especially rock stars.

There is a sadness, and a little nostalgia, perhaps, in those words.

Today has been an out of sorts day for me.  I don't feel I've accomplished anything but my workout and a few loads of laundry.

January 15, 2017

A dreary, wet, lazy Sunday.

We went to church
We went out to lunch
Came back home and read
A bunch.
Then I did my elliptical training
Because by then it was REALLY raining.
Got inspired and baked some bread
The kind you eat with tea
Now we're probably too well fed
We'll just have to see

Today's lyrics are "Closing Time "

Such a long piece, and well done.
Brings out the manic
and the melancholy
of the bar scene.
Not that I ever experienced
The bar scene,
But I know those who have,
And I read a lot.
< Intermission...........
And here hath several pages to one another clung,
And thus caused an unintended empty space
To be sprung
Into this journal.

So now I must blather on
And fill this space, else
it be wasted,
And I cannot tolerate
The waste of journal space

Sometimes
The blank page
Seems an  insurmountable
Challenge.
Nothing
Comes to mind
To be placed on
The page.
Other times
The hand cannot
Write fast enough
To keep up
With the flood
Of words-
Perhaps
If one is lucky
In those profuse times
An idea or two
Pops onto the page
Amid the crush
Of words.

Usually
One is not lucky
Words may pour forth
But they are mundane
And pedestrian
No inspiring images
At all.
Having a bit of
That problem
This evening
Though
That rain
Drumming down
Out there
Begs me to do
Something
With it -

For so long
It has been so dry
The plants all threaten
To shrivel up and die
But today
The rains came
And they have been
Steady.
The kind the plants
Will find useful
So there may be hope
Of a garden again
Once Winter thaws
Into Spring.

The rhythms of rain
Are various
Not just the varying
Tempo
Of its fall to the ground,
But many other things
Affect the sound,
Windshield wipers
Whoosh, groan and thump,
Tin roofs
Make for popcorn sounds
Dull thuds come from
The shingle covered wood
Above my head
Splats from overburdened gutters
Spilling over.
But mostly
The gentle, lovely
Murmur
Of rain
Refreshing the earth
Lulling us to sleep
Soaking in deep.
--------------------> and now, back to our show!

"And it's partner found,
It's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:
It's CLOSING TIME."

A metaphor for the progression of a relationship, too, I'm sure- much of Mr. Cohen's work is.

Outside, the rain pours down
And I am grateful for a sound 
Roof over my head
And comfortable things
In a comfortable house.
Grateful for food to eat,
And electricity to keep the
House running.

January 16, 2017

Martin Luther King day -
And what an odd day in our National life it is as our president elect continues to say things that leave us in grave danger.  He would abandon our friends in NATO in favor of his man-crush Putin.
Shame on him, and shame on Congress if they let him do this.

At least today the sun came out after a long abscence
I walked outdoors again for the first time in days.
Today's lyrics:
"Coming Back To You"

Indeed this seems like a calling out to his Muse, not a conversation with a real person.  But these days I am so discouraged, it's hard to find inspiration,
Even when handed such
Beautiful words.


Liberty
(C.K.Armistead 1/16/17)

Oh, Lady,
What have we done?
Your torch has gone out,
You're losing your crown;
 We've let ourselves forget
The best things we stood for
And it ain't over yet
But it feels like we're done for.
There's a man hurling hate
At anyone brown
Threatening to close the gate
Threatening to tear it down
We must raise our voices
While we still have them
And say his are not OUR choices
And see if we can stop him
But the way ahead is uncertain
We don't know what to do
He's building an Iron Curtain
And he's drawing it around you.

Humbly submitted for your consideration.  These are rough works, mere jottings, just a discipline to make me revisit them and edit them.  I hope you enjoy them, and that they make you think, and maybe do some writing of your own.








Sunday, January 8, 2017

The First Week of 2017

Here are some excerpts from the writing journal for this week.

1/1/2017

An auspicious start
Church
Trying a new cocktail
A long walk
Finishing laundry
Reading
Writing
Singing, too
Listening also
To the musician and poet
Whose work I chose as
Writing  inspiration
Reading for this year.

As I went about this day
I saw resolutions being worked on.
I did a 5+ mile walk
Saw a couple looping the streets on their bicycles
Saw a young man walking to the store instead of driving.
As we got out of the car at church this morning,
There was a man out jogging Downtown.

A Bunch Of Lonesome Heroes
Leonard Cohen Songs
This one is deep
But I have a hard time finding references
To bring out what it
Makes me see and feel.
I suppose the basic drift is that the urge
To tell your story before
It's too late is very
Strong in all humans -
Perhaps those "heroes" who
Run the risk of dying
Find it even stronger sometimes.

The line about no one really being able to hear the
one who wanted to tell his story
Sounds a lot like
Social Media to me.
So many can "hear " you,
So few, if any, will listen,

"I sing this for the crickets
I sing this for the army
I sing this for your children
and for all that do not need me."

Not sure exactly what he meant by that,
and I don't know about you,
but I often feel like I'm
"singing for the crickets"
Nobody responds.
But that's okay.
Not everything requires a response
often things must just
be released -
To go where they will-
and the words will
Eventually find
Those who need them.



January 2, 2017


A Singer Must Die
Song by L. Cohen
He has said it is "political in a certain way."

I believe it to be about the politics of a relationship between a man and a woman.

"I will ask for the mercy that you love to decline."

I hope it isn't about to be about our actual politics.
"A singer must die for the lie in his voice."
That SHOULD apply to those in power - but all too often, those who hold power accountable are the ones accused of the lie, when they do, in fact, speak the truth.


A pleasant day
Productive in its way
Though it was a holiday
A parade watched,
Exercise done
Bookkeeping chores dispatched
Practice begun.

The handwriting is part of
what I would practice.
And it is getting better

The piano is still quite rusty -
and I REALLY need to get it tuned.
Not trying to gain new skills,
Jut trying not to lose what
I already have.

My voice is still subject
To unexpected phlegm
Drops
Some scratchiness and cracking result.
But what works has SO much more depth and resonance!

Not taking sinus meds anymore.
Waiting to see if it helps the blood pressure if I don't take all that stuff.

January 3, 2017

Resolutions being kept -
But tomorrow is a true test
Work day -
Yesterday, it got warm,
Over 60 degrees F
Today it struggled to
Stay above freezing.

Gray and cloudy
The North Wind ripped
At the Trees
And any exposed skin
It could find.
It whipped
Wood smoke from fireplaces
And steam from dryer exhausts
Around the  neighborhood
Creating a bizarre
Winter Incense
To hallow the air.

So cold and dark
I craved to be able
To spend more of this day
Curled up here with
My books and my tea
Alas,
Errands,
Chores
Time not my own,

Today's Song:

A Thousand Kisses Deep

Helps to know that it was written for a fan Mr. Cohen corresponded with who had cancer.  She ended her own life, even though for the longest tine, she said Leonard's songs helped her hang on.

Line that struck me most:
 "You live your life as if it's real."
Don't we all?
And just how sure are we of our reality?
I guess we kinda have to agree on a concept of reality in order to function as a society,
and perhaps that's part of the cause of our electoral woes.
One chunk of the country believes one concept of reality, and another big chunk has a different concept.
How we can solve this conceptual dilemma, I have no clue.

But we better figure something out SOON.

 Also thought of the  Velveteen Rabbit
 and how it took being loved to make the rabbit "real".
I must be real,
For I am well loved!


And I wonder, if we loved each other more, maybe we could be more "real" to each other, and that would make it a lot easier to see both sides of an argument, and make decisions that really helped people, instead of dividing us even further.

January 4, 2017

Still cold today.
Even colder than yesterday.
Didn't walk this morning.
Did elliptical instead.
Today's Cohen song:

Ain't No Cure For Love

The line that most struck me is
"I need to see you naked
In your body and your thoughts"

 How much more intimate
 is the sharing of the mind and soul
Than the sharing of the body?

True, for some of us,
The physical requires a more  visceral trust,
but
sharing thoughts can be even more visceral
if one wishes to truly be
"Naked in your thoughts".


January 5, 2017

Today the very air
Seems frozen
I could see my breath
Even in the insulated garage
Did my walking indoors
On the elliptical trainer
Afraid the air outside
Would freeze off my skin.
The sky looks leaden
And dark
The clouds perhaps harboring
Snow within.
The prognosticators keep changing
Their minds and disagreeing
About how much, where,
And when.

I really crave
My cozy home office,
My chair
And a cup of tea
But alas,
It is Thursday
So late day at work for me.

Today's song is

Alexandra Leaving


Cohen's take on a classic about being deserted by all the good things in life -
In this case,
A girlfriend.
He wrote a lot about lost loves.

"Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost."

Sounds like a refrain that could work
even if you changed the name.
Life is often a series of both joys and disappointments.

So many choices of creative things
To engage my mind
And my hands
But those things
Are at home
And I am here.


January 6, 2017

Today's song is Anthem

I've always liked the chorus
"Ring the bells that still will ring
Forget your perfect offering,
There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

 But reading the verses tonight, it seems to me this country needs to hear,
 really hear, this song right now.

"I can't run no more with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
A thundercloud
And they're going to hear from me."

"You can strike up the march
But there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
To love will come."

These verses just really spoke to me today.
We need to be the response to that thundercloud
of hate that has been summoned up -
We need to be out there, turning hearts to love.
How we do this, I am not sure, except that I intend
To show love in the face of hate,
To stand up for those who need me,
To not accept misbehavior from our government.
Do NOT be hateful in my name!

I awoke to a snow covered world
White and sparkly
Cold
Fitting for the day
We pack Christmas away
For another year.
Epiphany
The day the 3 kings found
The Baby Jesus
In Bethlehem.
The day Christmas officially ends.
But that joyful
Giving spirit
Is supposed to live in us,
In our hearts,
All year long.

January 7, 2017

Avalanche is today's song.

And I must say, it doesn't much speak to me.

It seems to contradict itself.-
Speaking of longing and not needing-

 "I have begun to long for you
I who have no greed.
I have begun to ask for you
I who have no need."

Maybe it speaks more than I thought -
makes me think of more than a few pairs of star-crossed lovers I have read about -

Another white-bright day -
But I cannot shelter here
I have to go and earn my pay
Time to library, my dear.
And will it be a quiet day
Except for the phone-
All wanting to renew, they say,
So they may remain snug
At home...

January 8, 2017

Today is Sunday
One full week in this
New Year.
The weather today is
 A little warmer
A lot breezier
More snow melted, evaporated,
Gone.

Church done for another week
Wednesday will hold a  rehearsal again
The Odd routine of Holidays
Ended.
We will miss the next
Great feast -
We will be away for Easter Day - traveling -
And will travel home on
The Bombing anniversary.
If our nation hasn't been destroyed
By then.
I know the idiot-elect will try.

 Today's song is Ballad of the Absent Mare

and a long and involved thing it is.
Much like the relationships it alludes to.
Man and woman
Man and Nature
Man and God
All these are difficult
Almost as impossible
As a human's relationship
To him- or her- self.

We all have our moments
Of loss, anger, seeking, finding, rejoicing, reveling, mourning,

This is what makes us human.
This is what can unite us
If we but let it.
Stories,
Stories of how we got to where we are,
Why we feel the way we feel,
What we learned about ourselves and others
Along the way.
If we but sit still and LISTEN
To one another,
We can finally, finally
SEE each other.
Know we are all so much the same.
In the same boat
Afloat in a scary
Universe.
We can comfort each other
We can help each other
We can build a BETTER world
If we can only learn to LISTEN
To each other.






Sunday, January 1, 2017

Closing Out The Journal

A new year has begun, and so I must here report the last bits from last year's journal.
Not a whole lot of poetry, actually, just short observances.



12/28/16

Travel on,
Fair Princess
You have the guts
And the humor
And the intelligence
To win over the very stars
In the heavens.

Your lady mother follows -
She died of a broken heart
We who remain will not
Forget your gift of laughter
Or her gift of song.
Thank you both for the memories
And the upbeat melodies
To help us along the way.
Hope to see you again
One day.




12/31/2016

I am being haunted
By Leonard Cohen
I don't know why
But So Long, Marianne
Will NOT stop playing
In my head.

To appease the gentle spirit,
I have ordered a book
Of his poetry
And his song lyrics
To be the basis
For my writing study
In the year ahead.

Why are you haunting me,
Leonard Cohen?
What does my suburban, mundane
Library lady life have to do with you?
Is it because I've been known
To dabble in poetry, too?

But why So Long, Marianne?
Why that one?
Why not Anthem?
Or I'm Your Man?
Or Hallelujah, even?
Why So Long Marianne?

Is it because we're saying so long
To this annus horribilis
When we had to say so long
To you,
And so MANY, MANY others?
Is it because we lost
Our princess, and her mother,
Who died of a broken heart?

We've had to say a lot of
So longs this year.
My Mom, you, David Bowie,
Our national dignity,
So much loss.
Please sing a song for our
Princess and her lady mother,
And remember those of us
Left with this world of struggle
If you really want to hang around,
I don't mind
I could use a little help
Now and then
With my Muse.




Our lives these days
Are full of anxieties
Not just the time honored worries
Like am I too fat?
Or will I have enough to retire on?
Or such as that,
But
Will anyone see my witty post?
Will anyone respond?
Am I important
To anyone
In that vast digital pond?
Sometimes
Feedback is good-
But just being able
To say hello to the whole world
Is pretty cool-
Even if they don't hear you.




Another year
Just about gone
Day after day
Time moves along
Dragging us nearer
To the end
With a laugh, a song,
A tear
And fences to mend
More hugs given
To old friends and new
Have I remembered
To tell them
How much I cherish then?
Cheering each other's successes,
Helping bear the losses-
Friends are necessary
As life's waves toss us
Here's hoping
The New Year
Brings more joy than pain
More love than hate
More compassion
Less fear
We are all on this rock
Together
No matter what we believe
Or how we look,
When you get down to brass tacks
All any of us has
In this immense universe
Is just all the rest of humanity.
Good or bad,
Light or dark,
We belong to each other
And we succeed,
Or we fail
Together.
We had best remember that
Especially
When the rich and cynical
Seek to divide us.
We cannot escape
Each other
And we need each other
To survive.



I kissed this sad year goodbye
With one last drink
A nice, refreshing cocktail
One I learned to mix this year.
I lift my glass to those who have left us
And pray they are at peace.
I lift my glass to all of you still here with me,
And I pray we are granted peace
And joy
And light
And love
Always love
The can't take that away.
Love is stronger than death.
Love lives forever.




Be well and filled with light in this new year, my dear readers.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog.
May you know every good blessing in the year ahead.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016: It Was Full of Awfulness, But...

Me and my Mom, circa 1960


The first thing that let me know this was going to be a rough year is that we lost my Mom in January.  She had dementia, and had been difficult to have current conversations with (you could share past memories all day long, she remembered the past.  Just not the last few minutes) for quite some time.  Still, knowing your Mommy isn't there anymore when you just want to hear her voice is really hard to get used to.  Especially when you were her baby, and spent a LOT of time alone with her in your early years.

There were some good moments this year, though, in spite of all the beloved celebrities we have lost.
I got to meet THIS little sweetheart, even if it was while I was in Los Angeles for my Mom's burial service. 

That's me and my grand niece walking on the pier.  I got to see the ocean again this year, as well.

In February, I got another year older.  This can be both a good thing and a bad thing.  Aging is not for the faint of heart, especially if you're a woman.  I decided to own this gray hair, but I refuse to be a fat, flabby old auntie.  I walk several miles every day,  and do the Zumba class with the library sponsored crowd every other week.  (When it's my turn to facilitate the program , that is, set up and  clean up, I participate in the class.  Not required, but encouraged, because they want us to be as healthy as possible!)

I remember I had a lovely birthday. 
Tweet I received from Ron for my birthday.  He's such a sweetheart.

I also got flowers from friends, and from my hubby.
Flowers from my wonderful husband Matthew

Flowers from Fi, gifts from other wonderful friends far and near!  I am so spoiled!

My friends, near and far, made sure to let me know I was thought of and loved on my special day.  The fact that this happened is one of the best parts of 2016.  I have people I care about who care about me, too.  That is a priceless treasure.

Memorial Day weekend was also a great high point of 2016.  I got to meet some online friends for the first time, and I got to hug a bunch of my wonderful thoughtful friends who've been there for me for several years now.
Matt and I went to Space City Comic Con, both to see Ron, and Michael Ornstein, and to meet our favorites from Star Trek Continues, and also to see our friends Mary, Jana, Kelly and Mal again. 
                   
Hugging on Doug    
There were problems with the con that messed it up for a lot of folks, fortunately for us, we didn't have many issues.  A lot of the celebs had issues, though, and that was very sad.  They want to do the best they can for their fans, but it's hard when the con organization lets you down. Typical of 2016.  Mess things up for as many famous people as possible...

We got to meet Doug Jones for the first time, that was definitely a good thing that happened.

We also got to see and speak with Ron Perlman again.  My "spare" big brother.  Love that guy, he's the best.
Me and my buddy.

 We got to see, and Matt bought me a painting by Michael Ornstein. 

  Michael has always been so kind to me on Twitter, and he encourages my writing.  He's a very talented and very nice
guy.

We also met a few of our favorites from Star Trek Continues at that con.  We got to see the newest episode on the big screen before it was released online. 

Me and Michael Ornstein.



The painting by Michael that Matt bought for me is shown at the right.  We have it hanging in our entry hall here at home.










This is the poster for Come Not Between The Dragons, that the Star Trek Continues cast signed for us.

Later on, in the summer, we got to meet Vic Mignogna, and he added his autograph to the poster as well.

There's us with Vic at Soonercon.


Summer was far too hot, but I got to participate in a library event on July 4, and again in October.


These jack-o-lanterns are the Perlman themed ones I made for our house.  They were a big hit, even if some of the trick or treaters weren't sure who exactly they were...








Of course, early November was a big disappointment for some of us, and we are still trying to be hopeful about the after-effects of all of that.

There was ONE good thing; a new grand nephew.  Jackson joined the family in early November as well.


Christmas, however, was wonderful, as it always is, a celebration of the coming of light, and the restoring of hope.

I got a new cocktail shaker for Christmas.  Mostly because I have tried a lot of cocktail recipes this year, and Santa knew my "shaker" was two mixing glasses one inverted into the other. 

This was my favorite among the cocktails I learned to make this year.  The Lemon Chiffon Cake Martini.  SO tasty!

I have gotten a new journal for writing set up.  Gotta close out this year's , then I shall post some entries I have made lately.

Just wanted to remind myself that there were SOME good things about this year.  It has still been one stinker of a year, full of much sadness, and at least one major health scare.  (Matt had to have an appendectomy, and it was rather an emergency.)

May the year to come be less sad, filled with fewer frights and losses, and even more full of the the love of friends and family.
Many blessings to you and yours!

























   

















Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Merry Christmas

A very foggy Christmas Eve,
And I  was hoping Santa had Rudolph with him
For none of the tall buildings downtown
Could be seen at all
Through the fog.
And this morning,  the wind has come up,
It tugs with relentless fingers at the fog,
And the darkness.
It sets the skies to clearing a bit
And gives us a chance to see the light.
Oh, could we but keep the joy
And goodwill of this day
In all the dark times
That are sure to come
In this life
In a world still broken
In spite of all that has been done
In the name of healing
And love.
So blessed
Spent time with people who mean a lot
To me
To be able to sing, to worship,
And to share the joy
That bubbles up in my heart this day.
Replete.  Full.  Content.
The day has been a good one,
I have perhaps eaten too much, but it is a season for feasting.
I have yet to drink, and I could do so in style,
As I  was given a new cocktail shaker for Christmas.
So many good friends seen, hugged, and heard from this last two days, and the texts from the siblings,  too.
Such a joyful holiday.