Closing Out The Journal

A new year has begun, and so I must here report the last bits from last year's journal.
Not a whole lot of poetry, actually, just short observances.

12/28/16

Travel on,
Fair Princess
You have the guts
And the humor
And the intelligence
To win over the very stars
In the heavens.

Your lady mother follows -
She died of a broken heart
We who remain will not
Forget your gift of laughter
Or her gift of song.
Thank you both for the memories
And the upbeat melodies
To help us along the way.
Hope to see you again
One day.

12/31/2016

I am being haunted
By Leonard Cohen
I don't know why
But So Long, Marianne
Will NOT stop playing
In my head.

To appease the gentle spirit,
I have ordered a book
Of his poetry
And his song lyrics
To be the basis
For my writing study
In the year ahead.

Why are you haunting me,
Leonard Cohen?
What does my suburban, mundane
Library lady life have to do with you?
Is it because I've been known
To dabble in poetry, too?

But why So Long, Marianne?
Why that one?
Why not Anthem?
Or I'm Your Man?
Or Hallelujah, even?
Why So Long Marianne?

Is it because we're saying so long
To this annus horribilis
When we had to say so long
To you,
And so MANY, MANY others?
Is it because we lost
Our princess, and her mother,
Who died of a broken heart?

We've had to say a lot of
So longs this year.
My Mom, you, David Bowie,
Our national dignity,
So much loss.
Please sing a song for our
Princess and her lady mother,
And remember those of us
Left with this world of struggle
If you really want to hang around,
I don't mind
I could use a little help
Now and then
With my Muse.

Our lives these days
Are full of anxieties
Not just the time honored worries
Like am I too fat?
Or will I have enough to retire on?
Or such as that,
But
Will anyone see my witty post?
Will anyone respond?
Am I important
To anyone
In that vast digital pond?
Sometimes
Feedback is good-
But just being able
To say hello to the whole world
Is pretty cool-
Even if they don't hear you.

Another year
Just about gone
Day after day
Time moves along
Dragging us nearer
To the end
With a laugh, a song,
A tear
And fences to mend
More hugs given
To old friends and new
Have I remembered
To tell them
How much I cherish then?
Cheering each other's successes,
Helping bear the losses-
Friends are necessary
As life's waves toss us
Here's hoping
The New Year
Brings more joy than pain
More love than hate
More compassion
Less fear
We are all on this rock
Together
No matter what we believe
Or how we look,
When you get down to brass tacks
All any of us has
In this immense universe
Is just all the rest of humanity.
Good or bad,
Light or dark,
We belong to each other
And we succeed,
Or we fail
Together.
We had best remember that
Especially
When the rich and cynical
Seek to divide us.
We cannot escape
Each other
And we need each other
To survive.

I kissed this sad year goodbye
With one last drink
A nice, refreshing cocktail
One I learned to mix this year.
I lift my glass to those who have left us
And pray they are at peace.
I lift my glass to all of you still here with me,
And I pray we are granted peace
And joy
And light
And love
Always love
The can't take that away.
Love is stronger than death.
Love lives forever.

Be well and filled with light in this new year, my dear readers.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this blog.
May you know every good blessing in the year ahead.

Greetings From the Tornado/Flood/Earthquake/Loose Wild Animals State...

To say that this has been QUITE an evening in Oklahoma is an understatement. 
Since about 3pm, when I returned from my shift at the library, we have been in the midst of an ongoing weather circus of the bizarre. 

First, a very slow-moving, undecided tornadic storm that EVENTUALLY produced several tornadoes.  Thankfully none were as huge and voracious as the May 3, 1999 tornadoes that this storm was compared to, but they were bad enough.

I got the "tornado closet" set up early.  It's really just our master bedroom closet, but it's the place with the most walls around it in this house.  (No, we don't have a certified shelter.  We have too many other expenses right now for that. Someday.  When we get some things paid off...)
I clean out some of the things that normally live in the closet, and put folded blankets down on the floor to sit on.  I make sure the small electronics, their chargers, and the hand-crank emergency radio are in there.  Also flashlights, medications, and our bicycle helmets.

This time, for the last round of tornado warnings, I had my hydration bottle with a margarita mixed up in it.  (Thanks for a great suggestion, Michael Ornstein.  It made the claustrophobia LOTS easier to get over!)  We keep a VERY close eye on the television coverage and the radar scans.  Tornado warnings are given for the whole county, and quite often, the storm in question has already gone south and east of our location by the time the warnings are given.  (For which circumstance may God be praised, and may our good fortune continue!) 

During all these multiple tornado- producing storms, we received a record amount of rainfall.  This caused flooding in many areas, including many roads in Moore.  Far as I know, our neighborhood is OK, but I have wisely chosen not to leave the house.  There was also a small earthquake reported tonight.  If that wasn't enough fun, the animals at a small wildlife park west of the metro got loose in the storm.  (Lions, tigers, bobcats, and BEARS!  Oh, my!)  The animals were quickly rounded up and safely returned to their enclosures.  But still.  Wow.  All on the same night in central Oklahoma.
That's just more "fun" than one state ought to be allowed to have!

Our poor little French drain pump is working overtime.  Glad the power stayed on, or we'd have a permanent lake in the back yard!  I just hope my plants survive.  Poor babies didn't need quite so much water!  Most are well drained, but some may have an issue.  Especially some of the "drought tolerant" roses...
Good thing we gave choir rehearsal a pass tonight.  There was a tornado that crossed the highway we'd have been on at about the time we'd have been on it.  NOT a good thing! 

Through all of this, social media has been very useful, both to keep track of the weather and our friends, and to keep us from going nuts.  Being able to share jokes and information with friends is a wonderful relief in the midst of so much angst.
So, now I am going to head for bed and hope and pray that the weather shuts the hell up so we can sleep.  Thanks to all my friends for being there and for keeping us laughing!  We love you all!!
Here's hoping there are no storms tomorrow.  Tomorrow is #ThursdayNightAtTheLibrary ! I have to be there from 12:30 to 9pm!  Please, God, no more storms.  We've had enough fun for this season.

Some Reflections and Observations on the Fifth Anniversary of My Eleventh Birthday

(Or the 11th Anniversary of my 5th birthday, whichever way you'd rather multiply it.  The age remains the same.)

I have so many dear, kind, and wonderful friends.  I am TRULY blessed.  I have teared up several times today because of the kind words and deeds of my friends.  I feel so very fortunate, and so very spoiled. And so very loved beyond all reason.

Even when I try not to obsess about my birthday, I end up wallowing in it.  Oh, I'm not worried so much about how old I'm getting, (but OMG!!) rather how much I end up thinking and talking about it.  Perhaps this is because I was the baby by so many years.  My birthday was always a big deal.  (And then the oldest one starting doing the math, somewhere around 1985, and started saying "If you're x, that means I'm...Oh, dear God, let's not EVEN talk about THAT!"  He's 16 years older.  You do the math. ;-) )

Sometimes, making your own birthday cake, and taking it somewhere to share, is more fun than letting someone else make it.

The Cake.  Complete, and ready to go be shared with starving choristers.

I like to bake anyway, and this recipe sounded like fun.  It was, and I learned that you can't wait too long to use a ganache type frosting, or it will get crumbly. 

It tastes marvelous, though.








So, this morning, I finished preparing the cake and made the frosting.  I took a lovely walk while the frosting cooled.

The neighborhood kiddos are off to school.  The kids around a few years ago really loved Mr. Bear when we were out walking in the mornings.  I miss that dog.

It was a beautiful morning, and I am so grateful for the lovely weather.  What a nice birthday gift, based on the weather Monday, and what has been predicted for from Friday on.  So nice to have had this glorious, beautiful day.

I came home, and decided to have a special breakfast before I tackled cake assembly.

I reheated some sourdough pancakes, scrambled myself an egg, and tried out the espresso cheese I bought last night.  I also had my orange juice in my Perlman mug.  (That is, a mug with a lot of pictures of Perlman's mug on it.  A gift for my birthday from my pal Kelly.) I love it.

While I was eating, I checked my Twitter feed.  I found a link to this Instagram post:

This, along with MANY posts from my friends and family, really made my day!  So much love.  (Kelly, the one who sent the mug, is on the left in this picture, which was made when we all met in Dallas in 2013.)

After breakfast, I frosted and assembled the cake.  After resting up from that, I did a few dishes, and got myself cleaned up.

This is the outfit I wore, my dark wash Levis, (size 6!) and my new sweater from Target. (With a turquoise tank top underneath.)

Thus arrayed, I gathered up the recycling, and set out to do that one chore, and then shop!

My especially sweet and loving husband had told me to buy something I wanted/needed and consider that my gift from him.  So, I went to Dick's Sporting Goods and got some new walking shoes.  (Okay, I also got two pair of really nice leggings for working out and walking.  One flare leg, and one fitted.)

After that stop, I walked next door to Target, and found a few odds and ends, like a yoga mat, some hand cream, and a new suitcase to replace the roll-along carry-on that Matt had.  (It died finally, after a long and thoroughly useful life.)

This is the hand cream I bought.  I thought it was very appropriate, me being a "coconut", and all ;-)  It smells wonderful.  Delicious, even.




After I made my Target purchases, I headed over to Kohl's, one of the best places to score bargains on clothes and household linens.  I didn't really NEED any new clothes, but I thought it couldn't hurt to look.  I found several things, including two new shirts for Matt.  Everything I bought was on clearance, and I had an "extra 15%off" coupon they had sent me in the mail.  I spent $112, but I got more than $200 worth of items.  Kohl's always has good deals.

This was my full cargo area when I got home with it.  After I got it all in the house, I set out the items from Kohl's on the bed to go through them.   Then I tried on the dress that I only paid $10.00 for.  I had tried it on in the store, but without the shapewear I found to go with it.  Below is how the dress looks on me.  It's a bit snug on the top.  Will probably wear one of my fancy shawls with it when I wear it out in public.  I love the color, though, and you can't beat the price!

After I got all the stuff I bought put away or sorted out to wash, I put workout clothes on and headed out for another walk.  No pictures this time, because the phone battery was in dire need of charging.

Right after I got changed, the doorbell rang.  There was a nice lady from the florist there with a lovely arrangement of flowers.  My dear friend Fi and her husband Geoff and her son Hayden sent me a beautiful bouquet of aromatic flowers for my birthday.  I am so touched by the kindness of all my friends, but this almost made me cry.  So very sweet, and so very beautiful.  Almost as beautiful as Fi's heart.  I love that girl.  We've never met in person, but we have a real connection as people, in spite of distance.  I owe her about a dozen hugs when we DO meet in person.

When I got home from my walk, my wonderful, loving, and long-suffering husband was home waiting for me.  His hugs and kisses are always the best thing.  Especially nice on my birthday, since we've missed a few of those over the years due to deployments, training, and regular airlift missions. All these years since he retired have been making up for the time we missed.  He's aged, of course, and so have I, but this is how I still see him, my Knight In Smelly Flightsuit.

He highly approves of the new dress, and the exercise leggings I bought.  (Anything form-fitting, and he's happy.  Some things NEVER change! ;-) )


We had a nice, light supper of Caesar Salad and grilled chicken breast, because we knew the cake after choir rehearsal was going to be RICH.  It was.  Oh, so very delicious.  Proud of my efforts in that regard. 
The choir sang Happy Birthday to me, which is a tradition in our bunch.  (This is the 19th birthday I've celebrated since joining this choir.  Hard to believe it has been so long.  That's a lot of Sunday services sung, a lot of Christmases and Lents and Holy Weeks and Easters.  I spend more time with these gifted musicians than I do with my family on holidays. )  I really love St. Paul's and I am especially fond of my fellow choristers.  The blend we can achieve, it is transporting, moving, absolutely magical sometimes.  I am SO very fortunate to be able to sing with this group.

The choir (and our fearless leader, Canon Musician H. Scott Raab) dug in to the cake, and managed to eat most of it, by taking slices home to spouses and other family members.  I'm all for that, I have to still be able to wear that $10 dress I bought!!

Here's what we have left of the cake:

I am grateful to my fellow choristers (and Scott!)  for their willingness to save me from my own birthday cake! 

So, now I'm home, and typing up this blog post so I can remember all the wonderful parts of one of the best birthdays I've ever had!  Sitting here listening to Pink Martini, and drinking a dry Martini.  Life is SO good.

This has been a busy day.  I have a few ideas about how to use tomorrow in my quest to share and spread the joy I have been gifted with.  I won't be detailing those little activities.  I think random kindnesses are best done in secret.  (Do not blow trumpets when you give your offering, as some do, for truly, they have received their reward.  Do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing, and your Father who sees in secret, will see your gift, and your reward will be stored up for you in Heaven.  -A very rough paraphrase, but that's the idea, anyway.)  

The reason I write blog posts like this is so that I can look back in the future and remember all the wonderful things that happened on this special day.  It has indeed been a special day, made so by the love of my friends.  Many thoughtful friends who took the time to send their love and best wishes my way.  From a busy actor (and I mean he's SERIOUSLY busy right now) who took time to send me a birthday greeting, to all the friends and family near and far who sent messages, cards, gifts, and most importantly their love.  That love is what keeps me from having any serious self pity and depression any more.  When I was younger, I was very fond of self-pity.  For no good reason, I've had a very blessed life, but it was easy to fool myself on this score.  No longer.  Friends on social media, around the world make it impossible for me to feel so alone anymore.  People ask after me when I am not online.  All of us #Perlgirls check on each other, and we try to keep track of our favorite actor, too.  We care about the guy.  He makes us laugh.  He's good people.  Really.  He stands by his values, and he remembers his friends.  He appreciates his long time fans. 

 I also happen to work for one of the best public institutions going.  Our library system is always looking for new ways to bring our customers what they need and want to improve the quality of their lives.  Things to read, watch, listen to, programs to teach them things, or give them the opportunity to explore issues, a place to meet, a place where it's safe to just sit and hang out, a place where you can ask just about any question, and not only will your privacy be respected, but no one will look down their nose at you for asking.  The people I work with are all smart, funny, quirky, friendly, and caring.  They are also absolutely dedicated to your freedom to read.  Library work is a lot like teaching in that you don't go into it expecting to make a bunch of money.  This isn't a job, it's a holy calling.  Education, intellectual freedom, and the maintenance of an important community resource are what we value.  Very proud to be a part of such a great institution. 

So, time to wrap this up.  Birthday Vacation Week still has a couple of days left in it.  Perhaps a voice lesson will happen, perhaps a trip to the car dealer to get the oil changed, all depending on what the weather does Friday.  (Guess I better get cracking tomorrow on that list.) 

Thank you my friends,including Ron Perlman, whom I DO consider a friend,  my family, my coworkers, and especially Matthew, for making this such a lovely day for me.  I am SO happy.  I don't know if I'll ever stop smiling. 



“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Friends Out Of The Ether

A couple of weeks ago
, I went to a Halloween party.  It was also a "club" meeting of sorts.  I got to meet two more of my online friends in person, and reconnect with two others.  That's the five of us in that picture, with me in the middle, evidently discovering something in Easy Street (the Hard Way) that I missed the first time.
Yes, we are some of the #Perlgirls.  We are all fans of Ron Perlman, and most of us have met him.  The fact that we have other interests in common, and that we have fun whenever we get together made this a very interesting weekend.

So much of social media is dismissed as being phony or shallow.  Well, some of it may well be, but sometimes you find real and wonderful friends there.  I have.  These ladies are dear to me, we've had long online chats, and now, in person chats.  We've laughed together, and pulled each other through sad times, too.  All because we found each other due to our mutual affection for a certain craggy faced actor with a warm, loving heart.

The trip was fun, but also a bit stressful.  My husband and I had a six hour drive to Austin for the party, and I-35 is VERY much under construction in many places along the way.  I am thankful my husband is such a good sport, and such a good driver  After all, these weren't HIS friends we were going to meet. He did enjoy himself though, and both of us met some really fun and interesting people at that party.

We have decided that while we think Austin is a beautiful city, we also find it to be one of the most confusing places we've ever been.  With all the road construction going on, it is VERY easy to get lost.  (At least for us.) The sad saga of us ending up at the wrong hotel the first time, and TWO long, frustrating treks through rush hour and construction congestion is best left at that.  It was probably my fault.  I probably touched the wrong address selection on Google Maps when offered the options. Everyone we met in Austin was friendly and pleasant, and even the crowds we encountered seemed good natured and easy going.

We had a nice trip home, once we got clear of the last big construction zone.  We made our traditional stop at the Davis CTS so we could buy some more Bedree chocolate.  (Also,  that must be the nicest, cleanest, friendliest travel center on all of I-35.)  Anytime we travel that far south on I-35, the CTS is a mandatory stop! As always, the familiar sights near home are always welcome after being away.  Perhaps it is because I hadn't been back home all that long after my last trip away before going on this one.
Most remarkable thing about my trip was that I traveled to another state for a whole week earlier this month with just my small carry-on bag and my purse.  For this trip, because it involved a costume party, I had my small carryon, my makeup case, a garment bag, my laptop bag, and two shopping bags.  When I have to get all dolled up, I need LOTS of backup! (Well, I AM over 50, and spackle, I mean makeup, takes up a lot of space.) Didn't need any makeup to go do yard work at my Mom's.

I've been letting this post marinate for awhile.  I knew I wasn't quite finished, that there was more I had to process and percolate before I could finish it. 
One big result of the preparation and completion of the costume for this trip is that I have started caring about my appearance again.  I had been being lazy, and truthfully, rather depressed about my aging self until this costume caused me to work with makeup again.  I have to make the time to put it on, and I have to take better care of my skin, but those are things I used to do all the time, I just gave up awhile back. 
Since meeting these ladies, and especially since reading Ron's book Easy Street (the Hard Way) , I have been conscious of all the things I stopped doing, and examining the REAL reason I stopped.  I didn't stop using makeup because I really decided I looked better without it, I stopped because I got lazy.  I decided it didn't MATTER how I looked, I didn't matter that much, nobody looked at me.  Did not even realize I had been thinking that way until reading Easy Street made me look at how I've been dealing with life. (Or rather NOT dealing with it.)  Since I've started this process, I've been more careful about choosing the things I do or don't do.  I have to clean out more stuff around here as part of all that.  Matt and I both need to cull out the junk that is cluttering up our lives (and our house!) 

I find that caring about my appearance gives me more confidence, I feel more capable.  I know it doesn't really change anything, but the psychological boost is real.  Working out and taking care of my body has been making big changes in how I feel about myself for more than a year now.  I have managed to lose and keep off about 25 pounds.  I lost more than 30, some crept back on, and I am in the process of losing it and keeping it off.  But this is the longest I have sustained a weight loss ever. 
I am stronger, have more stamina, can sing better (when my sinuses cooperate!) and I look better than I have in a long time!  I have less energy on the days I don't exercise, and I find it harder to fall asleep on those days, for some reason.

Last week some dear friends told me they'd seen a change in me over the last few years, especially since I started doing really well with the voice lessons.  Perhaps the fact that I had found something I could stick with, something I felt real joy doing, gave me more confidence.  I don't know.  Always before in my life, there would be something I would prepare for, and try to do, and fail at.  Singing became a source of hard work that paid off.  It is spilling over into other parts of my life now.  I am taking on more challenges at work, I am writing more, too.  Also, even five years ago, I probably wouldn't have made the trip to Dallas to meet Ron, let alone this trip to Austin to meet the other girls.  There just seems to be more of a willingness to do things and try things than I've ever had before.  I had become very risk-averse, and while I still wouldn't want to make any BIG changes, I at least have the courage to take the small steps.  I was frozen before.

So, thank you to Karen Smith-Pearson, my voice coach, for helping me find out that I DO have a voice, and that it is worth hearing.  Thanks to my long suffering husband Matthew, who has put up with all my fears, trepidations, and enthusiasms for more than 30 years now.  Thanks to the rest of the #Perlgirls, especially Mary, Kelly, Jana, Fi, and Mallory for helping me break out of my shell a bit. 
Thanks to the man himself, too.  The light you shed on this world reaches farther than you think, Mr. Perlman! 

The Owl Woman

Random Saturday Stuff

Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Not doing as bad with the weight as I thought.  Only up to 138.6 from 136.6 a couple weeks ago.  Now, if I can drop again between now and Christmas, I might just make my goal weight before my birthday.  (I can dream, can't I?)

 

Above are my teapots and some serving pieces.

Some of my crystal and china in the dining room hutch.

I have more sets of dishes in this house than you would believe.  There's service for 16 in the Noritake china that we picked out when we were married.  No way will I ever be able to fit 16 people in this house for a sit-down dinner.  I have service for four in several sets of stoneware, including TWO Blue Willow sets, a Pfaltzgraf pattern that is discontinued (Grandma's Kitchen), some random stuff from Pier One, and a set of Corelle that's seen better days. When a heavy train goes by, this house sounds like a crystal chandelier in a breeze.  There is also a large set of Longchamps pattern lead crystal in the hutch.  I guess I have a weakness for dishes and stemware.  Flatware, too, evidently, as I have four sets of that.  (One silver plate, the rest stainless.)

Sorting laundry, commencing to wash it.  Thankful to have clothes to wear, astounded at how MANY pieces of clothing two people go through in one week. Five loads of laundry, not counting two loads of towels I will have to do also.  Good thing we have energy and water saving appliances.

This Saturday I feel much better than I did last Saturday.  Last week, I was just feeling down and blue for no good reason that I can identify. I had to work, but I love my job, and my coworkers, and some of our customers.  It wasn't just being at work.  Maybe it was the shifting weather and the cold.  My fingers do ache sometimes when the cold moves in.  However, my online friends and my coworkers did a lot to cheer me up as the day went on.  Funny things and messages of support and caring pulled me out of the dumps.  The one great boon of social media is that it does allow one to take one's friends along on life's oh, so daily journey. You run the risk of boring people, but your real friends won't mind, and will rally when you need them.  Blessed to have so many good friends. 

On to making birthday cards for fellow library staffers.  This is often fun, especially if I know the person fairly well and can tailor-make a card just for them.  The fact that so many of us are Whovians, Star Trek fans, and Potter heads makes it easier. There are a few interesting possibilities among the December birthdays...

Still have some Nerdy Dozen blog posts to write so I can finish this round on time.  Astonishing fact is, I finished the first ever round early, and have had to roll this term over to the new one.  Guess my Nerdy Life got in the way!  (Convention in Dallas, trip to my Mom's, I was way too busy organizing myself to get any Nerdy Dozening done.)  I should be forgiven for the convention trip.  After all, that is a VERY Nerdy activity.  AND I got to meet Ron Perlman and two of my fellow fans.  If that ain't nerd cred, I don't know what is. 

I'm off to finish laundry and birthday cards.  Thanks for reading, be glad I got the off-the-cuff poetry out of my system already today.  You have been spared.  Be thankful! :)

Poetry Collaborations

The other day I participated in a poetry collaboration of sorts that Michael M. Ornstein started on his feed.  He invited any who wanted to do so to finish the poem.  He then posted the results.  
I am trying a similar thing on Twitter and on Face Book.  I will give it until this evening, and then I will publish the link to this blog so any interested can read the poem that happens.
Here's what we have so far... 



I started with:
Across the plains
 Behind the rains
 The air was humming
 Something is coming...

Across the grasses
 A heavy foot passes
 Sets rabbits running
 Something is coming 

 Towards the towns
 Over the ground
 Dusty and rumbling,
 Something is coming.

Liz Vargas Hambly adds
  Wind chimes knelling
Unearthly foretelling.
  Apprehension summing
...something is coming.

 Karleen ‏@GKarleen  adds

 the sun starts to set

 it will be a long night I bet

 a slight drizzle begins

 something is coming

 As of now, this is all I have received for the poem.  If anyone wants to add, please comment, or add it on Twitter (tag me - @ckarmi) or on Face Book, those of you who are my friends, just add a comment to the original post or message me.