Friday, April 21, 2017

You Made Me Love You


Dear New York City,
I really didn't want to fall in love with you.  I can't afford to live there, and it's expensive to travel there, but you still got to me.  So many wonderful things so close by, such variety of humanity, great food, bookshops, coffee shops, and the parks, parks everywhere!
You really made me love you.  Such diversity, even on the same block!  Having lived most of my life in cookie-cutter suburbs, you were a welcome breath of fresh air.  Oklahoma seemed isolated enough after coming back from a visit home to L.A., but now, oh, my gosh.  Downtown and Bricktown help, but still, there's only one NYC!

We recently spent three far too short days in New York City.  The photo above was the view out one of the windows of our hotel room.
I expected too much noise, too many people, and to feel psychically blasted by all the emotions of SO MANY PEOPLE.
Instead, I found a place that was noisy, sure, but no worse than here, really.  There were lots of people, but they were moving and not causing a problem for me.  As for the psychic energy, well, New Yorkers are pretty contained.  They keep most of what's going on in check.  There were a few instances of obviously annoyed people, but nothing openly hostile.
The biggest surprise for me in the city was how compact the whole place really is. You see Times Square and Rockefeller Plaza on TV, and they look HUGE.  They aren't.  Things take up surprisingly little space.
You can walk all over there, and it doesn't occur to you until later that you've walked so much.  There's so much to see, even in one city block.

Our hotel was in a great place.  Murray Hill, close to the Empire State Building.  You could also see the river from our hotel.  The Chrysler Building wasn't far, either.


 

Some of the room, though mostly these shots were to show that I put my "stuff" all over the place as George Carlin observed that we humans do...
East, more or less, from our hotel room window.  You can see the river.

The hotel itself, the Dumont Afinia, was absolutely wonderful.  Such a lovely view, a great location, a great, comfortable room, and a very helpful and efficient staff.

Above:  Nighttime views from our hotel room windows.

I had a great time visiting with friends I had only met online before, and finding that we are indeed just what we expected of each other!  So many sights to see, and not nearly enough time!  At least we got to Central Park and to MoMA.  I got to see Starry Night, and a few other famous paintings I was looking forward to seeing.  I wish we had decided to divide and conquer a bit though. I'd have seen more of the things I wanted to see if we had split up.  Trying to accommodate everyone was slowing us down.  We were obvious tourists, wandering around making photos of everything, and straggling along in a long line, one of us usually had a map out, it was hilarious!

 
Here we are in Washington Square Park  Fi, Mary, Larry, me, Geoff and Hayden, and Matt.
New York Public Library.
Arch at Washington Square Park

In The Park
We had to leave far too soon.  I took a LOT more pictures, and our friends have shared some of theirs, but I just don't have time or mental energy to post more right now.  The trip was wonderful,
but I would like to have had time to see more things, to spend more time with our friends, to get a better feel for the place.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Poet's Path


Poetry month.
Written earlier, for April 1st: 
3/19/17
I will lift up my eyes
I will trust in your light
Though the path here is dark
And shrouded in night.
I seek for the hope
That flows from your love
It increases in scope
And calls me above.
I will lift up my eyes,
I will trust in your light
Though the path here is dark
I long for your sight.


This verse
Is being most adverse
It will not leave me be.
It insinuates its
Wordy self
Into  every blank page I see.
It whispers of possibility
That there must be an end to sorrow
That no matter where we've been,
The road leads on  to tomorrow.
No matter how dark the day
There is always a way
And if we believe
We will find it
If we ask,
We will receive.


April 2nd

Fog.
Hiding the tops of office towers
Shushing the traffic's roar
But not as hushed as Winter
For birdsong still
Is heard to flute
And trill
Above the cotton wrapped
Town.


Weary.
The weather seems heavy,
Making the whole day a burden
With great difficulty borne.
Skies grey and dreary,
Air cold and damp
Body and senses leery
Of feeling Winter's retreating
Snap.

April 3

For the rain has gone
The sun is shining
The flowers lift their heads
The birds raise their song
The world is alive again
And there are weeds to pull.
And lawns to mow.
The slumbrous Winter 
Is no more.

 



April 4
For my notebook is forgotten
It languishes at home
Poems for today begotten
But not found
In this blog.

They shall be added later
And then this verse
Like a rude waiter,
Shall seem unnecessary 
And perverse.

Here, then are the verses actually written on April 4th:

Again the skies
Look angry
Again they threaten us
But the radar tells 
A different tale -
The storms are all to our North
And moving East.

My disposition
Is not as pleasant
As it might be
My new shoes are a bit
Tight, you see.
Hard to smile
And be upbeat
When suffering
Unhappy feet!


The pen upon the page lightly glides
But the thoughts inside my head are stuck.

Time goes by so slowly
When we wait for something
And far too quickly
When its time to relax
Or visit
Or enjoy life.


April 5

Composition on the fly
Using a tablet's screen
Gives my wits a real try
Challenges me not to scream. 

For I am at work
And work is a library
I would be a big jerk
If I showed my true contrary
Nature.
In this quiet place.



There may be things more glorious
Than singing with a group 
That you have been part of for years
That can blend with each other
And really make the music work
There may be more glorious things,
But it's hard for me to think of one
Just now.




To fly
Does not require
Wings
Or a plane
For me,
Only a beautiful song
And a clear voice
To let me sing
I have soared 
With Mozart
With Strauss,
Puccini,
Donizetti
and Gounod
So very grateful
To have had such beautiful
Music 
In my life.
My only hope
Is that I can continue
And not offend with 
Substandard singing!


April 6, 2017

(2:45 am)
Hello insomnia
My old friend.
I've come to dance
With you again
Around achy joints
And a stuffed up nose
Pesky poetry
And relentless prose
That seem to plague me
For my sins.
And so,
Here I am
I contemplate
My father's pen
That he took
To War with him
And I think
If this ink
Could speak
Instead of write
It would tell many stories
Of many long Pacific nights
Sleepless,
With firefights.
And endless hours
Pop thought of home
Writing letters
Sitting in foxholes
Praying to see dawn.


April 7, 2017

The time has come
To commit poetry.
Not just for some,
But for everybody!



Lists
Endless
Must do!
Must find!
Must save!
Must pack!
Bossy little pieces
Of paper.
I make a lot of them
Unfortunately
They do not always
Get all of their items checked off.
Because no matter what we plan
Life gets in the way.
Sunshine SHOULD
Be on a list
Of things to stop and enjoy
Especially in early Spring
When it feels rare
And new
And makes the earth bloom.
It must be on the list
Titled
Necessary Stops Along The Way

April 8

Waiting
Is not something
I do well.
Time wasting,
Now that, I excel at!



April 9

Today the crowd shouts Hosanna!
By Friday, that changes to Crucify!
How very fickle are humans
How swift to vilify.

It has always been so
Consistent only
In our Inconsistency.
In our seeming scorn
Of empathy.

Some try to change
To heed the call of him
Who came to suffer
Try to leave behind the selfish sins
Strive to help others.

On this day, I must reflect
I am guilty of doing as many do
Of going along to reject
The needs of  other folk
Instead of standing up for what
I know is right and true.

The point of this whole story we read
On this Sunday every year
Is that though we fall short,
If we still try
Our efforts are seen and rewarded,
Our fumbles are forgiven,
And we must forgive one another
And remember to love
As we have been loved.

Lost Music

My voice is rough
Vocal cords covered
With something that
Won't budge
Cutting off notes
Adding a crackle
Where there should be
Smoothness
No lessons for 2 months
My teacher has been ill.
So, not enough practice
Things have gotten rusty.
It is frustrating.
For I desire
That soaring sound
That feeling of wonder
That I can produce such
And I could
Once upon a time.
I only pray that
I will again.
Soon.


April 10

All day long
My head in a spin
So many lists
Where to begin?
Sorting and packing
Laundry and cleaning,
Shopping and budgeting
I'm done in!


April 11

Today's Cohen Lyrics are
"In My Secret Life"

"I saw you this morning
You were moving so fast
Can't seem to loosen my grip
On the past.
And I miss you so much.
There's no one in sight.
And we're still making love
In my secret life."

The psychology of the breakup again.  One thinks Mr. Cohen knew entirely too much about the end of relationships.

 Reading song lyrics and also
Matthew Arnold's poetry
It's Poetry Month...

A beautiful day
Calm, bright and lovely
Between the storms
That Spring
Loves to fling
Our way

Preparing to travel
Trying not to unravel
Making lists.
Packing bags
Fighting nerves
Striving to find calm
In the midst of my chaos.




April 12

An anniversary
Of an event
Meaningful only in fiction.
Still
A date many of us fans
Cherish
And celebrate.
Happy Anniversary Vincent
Happy Anniversary Catherine
We're very glad
You met.



So much to do
So little energy...

April 13

A friend's birthday.

Very glad you were born
 My friend.
So many wonderful
Characters
I would never have met
If you hadn't been.
Thanks for sharing
Your talents
And your joy
Your smile is incandescent
And your hugs
And good wishes
Are cherished
As is your caring.
You are family.
You are loved.

April 14

Good Friday.
Again.
The church year rolls along
On its well oiled cogs
Though it seems we just got done with
Christmas,
Lent was soon upon us,
And now Holy Week
And Easter waiting in the wings.
So swiftly the years pass.
And still we wait in hope
Living our faith as best we can
Struggling even more now
Against the hate and the evil
Our world seems to delight in
(At least, some in our world seem to.)


Midnight cocktail
I've heard of a midnight snack,
But tonight,
I made myself
A midnight cocktail.
It's a small thing, a little pleasure
Something to help sleep along
Something fun to mix and measure
And then enjoy.
Sweet, like dessert,
But packing a little punch.
What a lovely thing
To relax me
And make me smile.



They ask if I can tell
When I was "saved"
Well,
When I have known You all my life,
When You have ALWAYS been there
When I was scared, when I was alone,
When things got too real,
How can I put a time on it?
I have ALWAYS known You love me.
Always.
It was in the very air I breathed as a child.
Love.
Your love
Family love
Friends love
Love of our beautiful world,
Always love, boundless,
Endless,
Forever.
Lord, You have ALWAYS been there.
How can I explain to someone who doesn't know
That love?
How can I even articulate the assurance
I have always had
That though I fret,
And worry
And expect the worst from life,
I KNOW You will catch me
If I fall.
I KNOW
Because You love me.
And I love you.
Always.


April 15

A song that makes me think of friends
Of a smile 
And a hug
Or two
And sharing stories
And memories
And laughter
It is joy
And love like this
Shall live far longer 
Than all of us.



April 16

Off we go
Flying away
On Easter Day

Going to see friends
To see the sights
And other delights


Unsure of my reaction
To such a different place
Yes, I've lived near 
And visited big cities before
L.A. and Frankfurt
But they are not New York, New York.
Not as densely populated
Makes me wonder
If I'll feel too
Emotionally crowded.


I had almost forgotten
The small discomforts
That attend air travel
Sitting for so long in one place
When I am a creature
Who likes to pace
Dehydrated because
I don't want to be
In uncomfortable need
Of a restroom.

But headache prone
Because I'm dehydrated.
Catch 22

On airplanes 
My penmanship
Suffers greatly.

It could also be
Lack of sleep
Slumber eluded me
For far too long 
Last night.

Easter Sunday
Joyous day of resurrection.
And we are not in church.
But for a happy reason 
This year.
We are flying to meet friends
So though we will miss 
That glorious service
We will still remember the reason for it
And we do rejoice.

So tired
But so happy
Happy to spend time
With friends
Friends I "speak" with
Often
But almost never see
Face to face
Tomorrow stands before us
A great day to go forth and
Explore together!


April 17

Trying to soak up all I can...
Horns are frequently used here.
There is a fire station
And an ambulance station
Near
Lots of tall buildings, of course,
And people.
My allergies have not been
Bothering me so far
Seems both familiar
And strange
Visiting with Fi, Geoff and Hayden
Mary of course, is familiar, and a welcome source of laughter,

New York Impressions

New Yorkers have traffic signal
Radar that allows them to know
They can start across the street
Safely, even if the "walk" signal hasn't
fully engaged yet.

My allergies have not made an appearance
Since we left Oklahoma.

New York is full of characters
Like Donald, one of the bellmen at the hotel,
And the guy who was narrating our bus tour this morning.

Our room at the Dumont is gorgeous.
The views are terrific!

April 18
This has been such a lot of input to process.
Beautiful lights
Tall buildings
Good friends
Good food,
Good times
Nice people
Even in New York!
Not enough time
Never saw so much hurrying
That still slowed you down-
The traffic is something else.

Eight people in a group
Can straggle out a LONG way
On a crowded sidewalk!

Oh, I am going to miss this view!!

April 19

A sad anniversary.
Twenty two years
And a whole lot of tears
Since 1995.
Flying home to OKC
On such a day.
It was a beautiful morning.
Like today is up here above
The clouds,
And without warning,
Smoke  billows
And screams rise
Chaos
In the the very heart
Of our little city
We are leaving behind a city
That sent us help
And then needed ours
A few years later.
OKC loves NYC
And we grieve your losses, too.


So tired.
Everybody else's cranky
Rubs off on me.
Really easily annoyed
And that's not usually me.

Strange how the music
Of New York City
Stays in your head
Even after you leave
Horns, and buses, trucks,
Subway rattles,
The Growlers on the firetrucks
Part of the little symphony
We heard for the last three days.

Home now to wind
In the wind chimes
And the freight train sonata
All night long.

Home
And the sounds so similar
To where I've been
Stand out now-
Never noticed before really
The constant traffic noise from
The highway not too distant,
The grumble rumble and screech
Of trucks coming and going from
The food plant across 12th
The occasional beep beep -
Though nowhere NEAR as much as in New York-
of horns
When somebody stops because
They want to turn off  12th  Street
During what passes for Rush Hour
Around here.
No growler sirens here, though,
and No tall building canyons for the sound
To bounce around in.
But we DO have freight trains.
Loud, obnoxious, and smelly.

At the little Italian place we had dinner in the first night,
I had a Tiramisu Martini with my dessert.
Tried my hand at it:

1.5 oz Vanilla Vodka
1.5 oz  Creme de Cacao
1.5oz cooled espresso
.5 oz Bailey's
Shake well, pour into glass rimmed with a mixture of cocoa powder, espresso powder, and a wee bit of sugar.  Save some of the mixture to sprinkle lightly over the finished drink.
Good.

Dear New York
By C.K.Armistead
4/19/17

O beautiful
And storied city
I had long
Resisted your charms.
At last I allowed
Myself to see
How beautiful
You can be
And now
I feel unequal
To the task
Of putting words
To how I felt
Standing on  your streets
Seeing your sights
And twinkling lights
Your people to meet
At your tables to eat
Overwhelmed
With your generosity
Of images
Sounds
Tastes
Smells
Experiences.

I need more time
To spend with you.
Perhaps then
I'll know if it's true
That this L.A. baby
Is in love
With New York City.


April 20

A day of yardwork
Shopping
And errands
Time now to unwind
And just stop
Wishing I'd had time
While we were in NYC
Just to sit with that
Wonderful view
And ponder it
And how it made me feel
Alas, I need to be alone
For that,
And as much as I love Matt,
When we are in the same room,
Which we were at the hotel, constantly.
I can't be alone,
And I need the alone time
To process it and capture it.
Fortunately,
I have the patio here
Or my office
And that view,
Well, I made photos
And it lives in my heart's eye.


Well, hello there nose that is stuffy
And yet drippy at the same time
 I did NOT miss you
I am very glad YOU didn't come to New York too.
Hello, Oklahoma:
Land of 10,000  pollens

April 21

Clearing the decks
Gearing up
To get back to the grind.
Yet I still have
The tall buildings
Of New York on my mind.

April 23

The sun is back
Painting the world
With colors again
It was so grey
And wet here
The last few days.

Spring
Is both
Beautiful
And Brutal
Here
On the plains.
Some of our
Most dangerous
Days
Are in Spring.

My hip
Has decided
To pain me.
Not the left one
This time
The right.
Try as I might
I cannot find
A reason 
For it to hurt me
I've about decided
To quit
Trying
To find it.

Lazy Sunday
Afternoon
Full of lunch
And nothing to do:
Sleepy
But I don't dare nap.


A headache
Is almost the most
Unbearable thing
Except when
Experiencing nausea along
With it.
Then it feels
As if the world
Is an evil carnival ride-
Making you dizzy and sick-
That will not end.
A moving house of mirrors
With no escape.
Only thing missing
Is the evil cackling 
Clown.
Oh, wait,
He's in the White House...


April 25

A lovely day
A threat of bad weather
Tonight.
Trying to get back
In the swing
Of things
When I really want
To daydream
About New York.
About time 
And space
I didn't have
To sit with
A cup of coffee
And people watch
Of museums I didn't get
To wander in.
Of being unhurried
Instead of rushed.
Of savoring
Instead of just tasting.



Right now, the muse is
Frustrated
Because I haven't
Sat still yet
With the impressions
Of New York
I need to work on an idea
To help me
Sit with 
Some of those images
And listen to them speak.


April 27
3:05 AM

Once again
My mind
Keeps me awake
Wandering streets
 I haven't stood on
In more than 40 years
And then the streets
I saw just last week.
It ambles also
On the hillside
Where my parents lie
With the others
Who have done with
This world.
A hillside that 30 years ago
Was open to the sky
And had a view
All the way 
To downtown L.A.
But now
Is enclosed by trees
That have grown huge
Feeding on the dreams
Of the dead.



3: 40 PM

And now,
Perverse brain
Of mine,
You crave sleep and quiet
In the midst of a busy day.
You can't keep in step
With me at all.
Or perhaps it is the world
That is perverse 
And refuses to keep in step
With me!


April 30

Last day
Of Poetry Month.
Last chance to try
To be disciplined enough
To craft an image in words.

I have not been consistent
This year.
Too many distractions
Taking my attention
And scattering it
To the wind like
So much confetti
Flying everywhere
But where I wanted it.

So
For another year
I am back to just
Occasional posts
When something good
Lands in the journal.
Thanks to those
Who took time to read.
I hope you have not
Been bored.
For boredom is just so grey
And lifeless
And this month has been anything
But that.
Grey days,
Maybe.
But with very bright green foliage
And a few un-tattered blooms
That survived the Oklahoma Spring
So far.
And there has been joy
And music
And the exploration of a new place
For me this month.
May all your days to come
Be filled with images
That burst into your heart
And make it sing
And give you words
And give you wings.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Further Excerpts From The Poetry Journal



Starting back a bit, since I interjected a birthday post between the last set of journal bits and this set.

February 15, 2017

Work
By C.K. Armistead
2/15/17 

Sometimes the words
All fall in line
And dance along
And everything is fine
Other times they stumble
Through my brain
And haphazardly tumble
Like a derailed train.

There is no art
No science here
It comes from the heart
And I hope it is sincere
It comes, or it doesn't
I have no say
I'm at the Muse's mercy
Every single day.



A messy business
This writing is
Changing your mind
And crossing out lines
Rewordings and
Rephrasings

Edits
And corrections
Creativity
Is
Nothing
If
Not
Messy.


So.
All the poems I got today seem to be about writing and the fickle nature of the muse.
Better check my Cohen book and see what the song lyrics are for today...

"Heart With No Compassion"
 By L. Cohen
"I greet you from the other side
Of sorrow and despair
With a love so vast and shattered
It will reach you everywhere.

And I sing this for the captain
Whose ship has not been built
For the mother in confusion
Her cradle still unfilled

For the heart with no compassion
For the soul without a king
For the prima ballerina
Who cannot dance to anything.

Through the days of shame that are coming
Through the nights of wild distress
Tho' your promise count for nothing
You must keep it nonetheless.

You must keep it for the captain
Whose ship has not been built
For the mother in confusion
Her cradle still unfilled
For the heart with no compassion
I greet you from the other side"

Supposedly this is commentary on his Buddhism and the compassion central to the faith.It is a message for any faith, really.
"Though your promise count for nothing
You must keep it nonetheless"
That strikes me as central.  Even if you feel worthless, like you cannot live up to your promise, if the point is moot, even, you must STILL keep your word.
There are some in power today who need to learn this.

February 16, 2017

Today's Cohen lyrics:
"Here It Is"

Never heard this one that I know of.
The part that stands out:
" Here is your cross,
Your nails and your hill;
And here is your love,
That lists where it will.
May everyone live
And may everyone die.
Hello , my love,
And my love, Goodbye."

We are all always coming or going in this life -
and usually going, as we are all caught in Time's web, and can only go forward...


Such a lovely day
But I am stuck indoors.
At least I had a walk
This morning.
It's cold out there
But that's to be expected
In Winter
Though it is much warmer
Than one would expect
For February.


February 17, 2017

I still have a couple of hours of work, but I am already in vacation mode.
I went to Dick's Sporting good and got my traditional new sneakers - Ghost 9s this time, by Brooks.  Wearing a pair here at work
They are pretty comfy.

Today's lyrics are
"Hey,That's No Way To Say Goodbye."
A lovely, lyrical, sweet and sad piece- some beautiful lines in there-
"I loved you in the morning
our kisses deep and warm
your hair upon the pillow
like a sleepy golden storm."

and
"I'm not looking for another
as I wander in my time,
Walk me to the corner,
Our steps will always rhyme
You know my love goes with you
as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes,
like the shoreline and the sea
but let's not talk of  love or
chains and things we can't untie,
Your eyes are soft with sorrow,
hey, that's no way to say goodbye."

Somewhat made me think of certain episodes of the 1980s version of Beauty and the Beast.  Vincent was so connected to Catherine, told her she was always with him, and yet kept trying to send her away - for her own good.  Yet, though they should have, they never shared the joys of that first verse. 


The birthday revels continue -
I have a new fountain pen
Another Cross - a quite lovely polished stainless with golden accents.
It writes very smoothly and sweetly, too.
My husband spoils me, indulges me terribly!

I had too much caffeine and sugar before work.
I was very happy and full of energy
at least for awhile.
Hoping I can calm down enough to sleep -
I AM tired.
This ink is quite a jolly shade of blue- looking rather dark and ordinary until it dries -
My handwriting is suffering because of my haste -
I  must slow down so that my letters have their proper shapes -


February 19, 2017

The birthday revels continue unabated in spite of thunderstorms tonight.

Thunder grumbles in the night
Sets my drowsing thoughts to flight
It's too soon to have to be wary,
Come on, it's only February!

Outside
The wind howls
The rain pours
The thunder growls
But inside
I am safe and warm
Wrapped up
In dreams
Of you.
Storms will come
And storms will go
In the end,
One thing I know
In all Above
And all Below
Nothing will
Destroy
Our love.

Time, thou most frustrating beast
Always running out
Or plodding endlessly on
Give us a chance at least
To laugh and shout
Beneath the sun.

And rain like a fire hose
Swept the land
Rushing rivers close
To where I stand
Alone upon this
Darkened plain
Not frightened
But alive
Excited
Not in pain.

Mother Nature seems quite angry
She has been crashing, rumbling and howling
Around here
For at least an hour.
Better pay attention.

February 24, 2017

I had hoped to write more this week.
Instead, I have written less.

Dealing with service  people,
Doing my birthday week
Self-indulgence
Just not set up to sit and listen to the Muse.

After a beautiful, unseasonably warm day yesterday -
Today has also been beautiful, but it is cold, and very windy.

Today as I walked
I heard the symphony
Of impromptu flags
Made of plastic bags
As they crackled and snapped
And were wind- slapped
In the almost bear  branches
of the trees.


February  27, 2017

The air conditioner is broken
The door is propped open
And the wind is moaning
A low-voiced dirge
Of doom
During this meeting.

The weather gods
Are informing us
Of the gathering
Doom.
Or at least the wind
Is singing
A very convincing
Song of gloom.

March 1, 2017

Lyrics today are Humbled In Love

"You will never see a man this naked
I will never hold a woman this close."

This statement comes at the end - the end of the song about the end of a relationship.
It's true, those we drift away from may still be the ones who see us at our most vulnerable.

Far opposite of yesterday,
Our air conditioner today
is at full freezing  capacity
As I sit here
Being very grateful for
My sweater!  #LibraryLife

March 4, 2017

This journal is too often neglected
This pen is a bit leaky for some reason.

Today it was sunny and breezy for my walk-
but by the time I came to work (my half-Saturday)
it was cloudy, and the wind was very strong out of the south.

Today's Cohen long lyrics are :  "Hunter's Lullaby"

Some say the hunger is seeking the carnal world, leaving the spiritual world behind
Perhaps he is hunting his lost and responsibility-free youth -
That is something all of us would be tempted to do,
But the joys that come with some of those adult responsibilities are far too precious to let go.

On such a day
I would rather stay
Curled up on my settee
With a book and some tea
Instead, here I stand
In library land
At the Customer Service Desk
To assist in library quests.


That's about it for this batch.  A few really good bits in there, but not a lot.  That's the way writing is sometimes.


Saturday, February 25, 2017

Birthday Reflections

Another birthday, another year of life to celebrate.

It has been quite a journey since this time last year.  Last year was my first birthday without my Mom.  (Or Mommy-Mo, as I called her when I was little, for some reason.)
There have been many losses and disappointments this year, but my friends have NEVER let me down. 
Through sad times and happy times, stressful times, and laid-back times, my friends have always been there, to listen, to hug, to cheer me up, in essence, to be my friends.
My husband has also been there, even when I am not pleasant to live with, he has stood by me, and loved me anyway.  He's one special guy.  He'll always be my knight in smelly flight suit, my hero, someone who has FAR more patience with himself and me than I will ever possess.

This birthday has been resoundingly joyful.  My friends have showered me with love and good wishes, and some with gifts, and I am grateful for them ALL.  That my friends think enough of me to recognize my birthday, it means a lot.  I have gotten cards from family, too, and that is always special, especially when my brothers joke around with me.  They are special guys.  So intelligent, and so funny.  My sister is almost a second mom to me.  She's always seemed to feel responsible for me, and I think she's been overjoyed to realize that I can be responsible for myself now.  (Well, with Matt's help, and he is a big help.) She's always been there,  my big sister, to make me laugh, to take me fun places when I was a kid, to make life more fun.  Now that all of us have cell phones and unlimited text plans, I hear from my esteemed siblings more often.  It's a good thing.  All we got left is each other, as far as our original family goes.  We all have spouses, they have kids, my sister has grandkids, which she very kindly shares with me.  (It's a lot of fun  to be silly old Auntie Katie!)
I also have "library kids", "church kids", and "Perlgirl kids".  These are all special to me, also. 

My community and my coworkers, our library customers, the Friends volunteers, my St. Paul's family, everyone in my daily life, I feel blessed to know.  I am very grateful for a job that lets me serve this community. I may not always agree with the politics of my adopted state, but the people are really good at heart. Even the ones who violently disagree with your politics or religion will be right there helping out when you need them.  They may succumb to the rhetoric of the hateful politicians at times, but their actions usually spring from love.  They will help if you need help, and not care about anything else right then.  Makes me wish they'd see how their political rhetoric hurts some of their neighbors, but well, those habits are hard to break, I know. I pray for them.  And for myself.  And for those out in the world that are just plain hateful all the time.  They need our prayers most.

My family at St. Paul's have been a source of solace and strength for years. A week without being in church just feels so WRONG, because I don't get to spend time with all of you. Singing with that choir is one of the greatest joys in my life.  You all are phenomenal.  Scott Raab, your talent and your musical knowledge, and the love you have for all of us and the cathedral are special treasures in this life.  The clergy at St. Paul's have always been special to us; Canon Susan, and Father Tim Sean especially in recent years, but Dean Justin, and Deacon Marilyn have been important in our lives, also.

My Twitter friends are also very dear to me.  Ron Perlman, Michael Ornstein, my fellow #PerlGirls, Fantastic Negrito, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, and so many others who interact with me on a regular basis, but Ron and my Perlsistas especially, have pulled me through some tough times.  I love you guys, I really, really do.  You make me laugh, you help me keep a song in my heart, you remind me that love is still out there, no matter what.

Mike and Nancy Rogers are special treasures.  Two better friends you will never find.  You two are so very dear to both of us, you will never know.  Thank you for coming to share my birthday with me, for your friendship and your good fellowship.  You are very, very loved.

So, as I look back on this birthday just ended, I look back with great joy and gratitude.  You all have made my whole life beautiful and filled with joy.  I am SO grateful to know each and every one of you. 
Thanks again to Ron Perlman, Linda O'Leary, Jana Lynn Waller, Paulette Horn, Fiona Dotter, Mallory McCreary, Anne Dallesandro, Mary Stolfa, Kelly C Reeves, Sabrina Quintofiore, Marie Therese Hansen, Patti Helps, Christina Boulard, Ben Watkins, Tommy Day Carey, Shaun Cunningham, Doug Jones, Xavier , Michael M. Ornstein.  You are all VERY dear to me.  Kisses and hugs.

Oh, and Ron, I had two margaritas, a steak dinner, and a big piece of chocolate cheesecake.  See, I followed your suggestions.  Love you bunches!


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Trying to Avoid The Slough Of Despond

....And not always succeeding.
There have been many days lately when I have had ZERO motivation to do anything, even though there are things I WANT to do, and NEED to do, I just keep sitting here doing not much.
Today, however, I got everything on  my "to do" list crossed off.  It feels wonderful.
Of course, there are still things I should have put on the list, but did not.  I didn't do voice practice, or practice my piano today, but I DID do my workouts, and I got the house cleaned!
I got all the Valentine cards for my coworkers done, and I made the March staff birthday cards.
If only I could get that pesky digital thermometer in the hall to stop beeping all the damn time...
Just what popped into my head as I sat down here to write.
Here are some bits from the journal.  It hasn't been as consistent as I would like.
January 17, 2017
"I think that one of the jobs of political leaders going forward is , is to tell a better story about what binds us together as a people.  And America is unique in having to stitch together all these disparate elements - we're not one race, we're not one tribe, folks didn't all arrive here at the same time.  What holds us together is an idea, and it's a story about who we are and what's important to us.  And I want to make sure that we continue that."  - Barack Obama
Had to copy that out as soon as I read it.  What a wonderful. articulate statement about us and how things work.  God bless him, I hope we keep hearing from him even though he's done being President.  We still hear from other former Presidents now and then, so why not?
Today's lyrics are
"Dance Me To The End Of Love"
Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
'till I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
And be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love."
Such a very lovely song - the progression of love through the stages and ages.

Take My Hand
by C.K. Armistead
2017
Take my hand and remember
The young man that you were
Look at me and forget
How old we are
Take my hand,
Pull me closer
Remind me that
Even though
It's been so long
You still love me
Take my hand and
Remember
The young woman I once was
The echoes of that
Beauty
Only you still can see
It's time
There's still fire
Burning low between us
But it is mellower now
No longer a conflagration
But a warm, cozy place
To comfort each other
And remember the heat
Of that blaze.


January 18, 2017
Today's lyric is "Dear Heather"
"Dear Heather
Please walk by me again
With a drink in your hand
And your legs all white
From the winter."
That's the whole thing.
Very tightly drawn, simple, to the point.
Sounds like the first pool party of the season - nobody's got a tan yet.

January 19, 2017 (Actually written in the notebook on the 20th...)
Today's lyrics are
"Death Of A Ladies' Man"
It is a down song- rather cynical and sad.
"The last time that I saw him
he was trying hard to get
a woman's education but
he's not a woman yet.
And the last time that I
saw her she was living
with some boy
Who gives her soul an empty room
and gives her body joy."
So true that the physical for some people is worth more than the emotional and intellectual connect.
I've never understood that
as the emotional  and intellectual aspects are the ones that last.
The physical is important, too, but it shouldn't be the only foundation of a relationship.

January 20, 2017
Today's lyrics "Democracy"
(How extremely appropriate for today!)
"It's coming to America first,
the cradle of the best and of the worst.
It's here they got the range
and the machinery for change
and it's here they got the spiritual thirst
It's here the family's broken
and it's here the lonely say
that the heart has got to open
in a fundamental way:
Democracy is coming to the USA."
Mr. Cohen was writing as a Canadian who has lived and worked in this country for years- he sees both the problems and the advantages here - with no illusions, and still with hope.
Today we need to move forward with hope and with love and care for our fellow citizens- for this is going to impact on all of us, and I fear it will not be in a good way for any of us.
We will need to all work together to fix it.
I just hope there's something left to fix.
"I love the country but I can't
stand the scene.
And I'm neither left or right
I'm just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
But I'm stubborn as those garbage bags
that Time cannot decay
I'm junk but I'm still holding up
this little wild bouquet:
Democracy is coming to the USA."

Some days have been lost as I took a tumble while out walking, and got out of the mood for keeping my resolutions for a few days.
As my resolve has returned, I shall pick up where I left off.
One feels foolish
When something like this happens.
When you fall even though
You know good and well
Where the trip hazard is.
It's a bit demoralizing.

1 st "missed" song:  Diamonds In The Mine
This one didn't say much to me today.  Just full of irony.

2nd Missed song-  Do I Have To Dance All Night
Seems a bit frivolous, but Mr. Cohen usually has a deeper meaning
Afraid I'm not seeing it today.

24th's song:
Dress Rehearsal Rag
This sound s like the dress rehearsal is for death - that life gets used u so quickly, and now we are stuck near the end with nothing much to show for it.

January 25, 2017
Today's song is Everybody Knows
One I am very familiar with and one that seems unfortunately all too true of today in America. -
"The dice are loaded
The good guys lost
The fight was fixed
The poor stay poor
The rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows."
It goes from general common knowledge to the personal - things one might assume WEREN'T common knowledge - but oh, in this over connected world, they are.
Wish it wasn't such a sure thing that the game is rigged, but it is more and more looking like the Republicans are bent on destroying Democracy in order to hold on to power.  Please, God, breathe life into the Democrats that they can have the moral strength to join together to thwart this current evil.

Believe I will go walk at our new Moore Central Park today.  It should be a nice, even place to walk.  Alas, the track is rather dull in winter - no trees, no scenery.

January 27th 2017
Skipped a day again-
26th's song was
Famous Blue Raincoat
Sounds like a song about someone left behind-wonder how you're doing,
How have you fared in life, etc.
But it is about himself - wondering about all that has passed so far in life.
"And what can I tell you,
my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad that you stood in my way."
Very definitely written to a former self -

Today I walked the neighborhood again - only the shorter of my favored routes, and not hurrying. 
Much better than the park - the neighborhood has trees and sound and quiet, all helpful.
Also, no incidents of lost footing.

Today's song is Field Commander Cohen, written after a visit to Israel not long before the start of the Yom Kippur War in 1973.  It was written while he was in Ethiopia.


January 30, 2017
No pretense of trying to catch up shall be made.
"Fingerprints" is the next lyric in line.
"Touched you once too often
Now I don't know who I am
My fingerprints were missing
When I wiped away the jam."
A simple , sort of silly song, about feeling lost in a relationship.

Right now, the politics is too much with us.  There's little escape from it - I want that moron and his fascist friends out of the White House, but what can we do if Congress won't do its job?

January 31, 2017
Our idyll is ended
No innocence left at all
Once great nation
Reduced to small
Angry factions
Arguing over the spoils.
I miss the assurance
That things would carry on
Miss being able to plan
Trips in advance
As it is
My friends may not be able
To visit
We will not be able
To use things
We have already paid for.
It needs to stop
And those who could -
Sit on their hands
And don't-
Even when the people
Demand
It.

Today's lyrics are : "First We Take Manhattan  Then We Take Berlin"
Once wonders WHO is taking Manhattan these days -
There's a  lot of ugliness in our President and his cabinet -
Not too impressed with Congressional leadership, either.


February 2, 2017
O sunny, happy
Yellow
Scrambled eggs.
Tasty and comforting
Sitting there with
My toast
Such a happy breakfast.

So many days, when the news is depressing and disastrous,
It is such a joy to come to my job
And interact with my coworkers and our customers. 
Such a caring and happy library
And community.

Today's lyrics are for a song I've never heard before
"God is Alive Magic Is Afoot"
Though laws were carved in marble
They could not shelter men
Though altars built in Parliaments
They could not order men
Police arrested magic and magic
Went with them
Mmmmm ... for magic loves the hungry
But magic would not tarry
It moves from arm to arm
It would not stay with them
Magic is afoot
It cannot come to harm
It rests in an empty palm
It spawns in an empty mind
But magic is no instrument
Magic is the end
Many men drove magic
But magic stayed behind.
Many strong men lied
They only passed through magic
And out the other side"

We could use both God and magic these days.  We need some clarity and some healing.



February 7, 2017
So many goings on so little writing done.
_I've spent an entire day reading a mystery novel I was waiting for,
_I've lost a neighbor to an accident
_My voice coach is laid up with complications from her diabetes, so no lessons
_My weight's gone up because I'm eating too much and moving too little
It's pretty quiet out here so far today.
A pleasant Tuesday afternoon at our library.
Today's lyrics are perhaps Leonard's best known:
"Hallelujah"
Two versions were recorded by Leonard, and MANY artists
Have covered the song, including many I personally feel should not have.
(Wrong character to the voice - too light or too smooth - Leonard's songs sound best in a voice near his own.)
I don't often tell you
Just know that it is true
When storms are raging
My only shelter is you.
No one else's arms will do
When worries and alarms are plaguing-
Only one hug I'm running to
One voice to make it right
Only you, my Love, only you!
-C.K. Armistead 2/7/2017

So fleeting
Our time here
No permanence
To anything
No matter how
We fool ourselves
On that score
Our lives are but a moment,
A twinkle of starlight
Quickly passed
And soon forgot
Still we strive
We struggle and claw
To leave a mark
Upon the face
Of Time.
-C.K. Armistead February 7, 2017
That's all I've got so far.  Nothing new added yet.
Today is Valentine's Day - so many that I love, so many I hope remember that they are loved!

Monday, January 16, 2017

Another Week Down

So, this has been the second full week of 2017. So far, not QUITE as shocking as 2016, but still pretty darned depressing.

We have been threatened with ice storm Armageddon, and had temps in the 60s during the past week.

Today is the day we honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  If ever we needed a leader like him, we need one now.  We need someone who  can speak truth to the people, and make them hear it.  We are all of us going to have to step up in the next four years and be prepared to say "NO! That is NOT what America is about!  America is NOT about racism, or letting our allies down, or making enemies out of our friends, or honoring our enemies INSTEAD of our friends. "
Keep calling your representatives and Senators, every single time an issue concerns you, let them know you are concerned.  CALL.  That is something the staffers have to deal with, and they will definitely tell their boss about the calls.

I think one reason it has been so easy for a foreign power to encourage us to be divided and hateful is because we have gotten complacent and lazy about our democracy.  We do not involve ourselves, we don't go to city council meetings, or pay much attention to anything our elected officials do, unless it threatens to directly affect our pocketbooks.  Well, friends, the stuff our Congress is talking about doing right now is going to affect ALL of our pocketbooks, big time.  The only ones who will benefit are a few very rich people who will get a nice tax break, while the rest of us stand to lose our health care and the Social Security and Medicare benefits WE'VE been paying for all these years.  Don't let them do it.  Call and voice your concern!

So, enough of that, on to the journal:

January 9, 2017

Today's Lyrics are :

"Because Of
Because of a few songs
Wherein I spoke of their mystery,
Women have been
Exceptionally kind
To my old age.
They make a secret place
In their busy lives
And they take me there.
They become naked
In their different ways
And they say
"Look at me , Leonard
Look at me one last time."
Then they bend over the bed
And cover me up
Like a baby that is shivering."

- Leonard Cohen

Perhaps he found his experience that way -
or perhaps this is a bit in jest-
But sometimes an artist's work will touch us
and we MUST respond
One way or another.

"Naked in their different ways"
again perhaps there are more difficult types of nakedness than the physical.
Sharing our thoughts, our honest thoughts - with another is very scary business.

I grow sleepy
Too weary to wield the pen
So - off to bed
To sleep
Perchance to dream...

January 10, 2017

Today's lyrics of Leonard Cohen are "Bird On A Wire"

This song is so familiar to me, I've heard it so often, that I really have to stop and look at the words.
Though that image of "A drunk in a midnight choir" is one that always makes me smile.
Free, indeed.  No inhibitions.
I don't always see the birds perched on wires around here as free.  They seem to be in rigid formation, all spaced just so - all taking off or landing at the same time.

The images of the baby still born and the beast with his horn "Tearing everyone who reached out" for him, that's an odd and very effective image for me.
Several friends, and even a family member, have had stillborn babies.
It hurts SO much, even when you aren't a family member - the lost dreams for that little one who was loved even though they weren't quite here yet.


January 11, 2017

Today the temperatures are in the 60s, and the sky is blue, streaked with feathery clouds.
The breeze is from the South, the air is moist, for a change.
Yet we are threatened with ice and then cold rain
As soon as the day after tomorrow.
Such a world we live in-
Such a world.

Today's Song lyrics are "Boogie Street"
The whole thing is about how we live in this hustling, bustling, working world, and have so very few so very short - lived reprieves of love and closeness,
and then we're back out in the world -
Back on Boogie Street.

Mr Cohen has said that the respites are tine spent with loved ones, or with a spouse or lover making love -
But to me, the respite sometimes comes in singing

Choir rehearsal tonight was a much needed, sublime experience of losing myself in the blend of our voices in song.

Many of us have been singing together for many years-
These are people I care for - my choir family- we lift our voices in worship and praise, and it is also work, to get the notes right, to get the sound to come out right,
But it is also love -
Love for God, for each other, and for that beautiful music.
We are made new,
Refreshed,
Blessed,
By our time with the music.
 Our voices blend - becoming one voice -


The part of "Boogie Street"  that
most speaks to me is:
"So come, my friends, be not afraid
We are so lightly here
It is in love that we are made;
In love we disappear.
Though all the maps of blood and flesh
Are posted on the door
There's no one who has told us yet
What Boogie Street is for."

The sublime moments seem to be what life is about, yet they are so fleeting and we're - boom- back in cold, hard reality again - back on Boogie Street.

But what he's saying is- these moments of losing ourselves  - in love, beauty, pleasure -
THAT is real life -
and we don't have a clue why all the hustle and bustle of Boogie Street seems so necessary -
No one's told us- are we to learn from it, learn to  do without it - or just endure it?

Perhaps it serves as contrast
so that we may TRULY appreciate those moments of transcendent bliss
When they appear.

January 12, 2017

Today's song lyric is By The Rivers Dark

"By the rivers dark
I wondered on
I lived my life
in Babylon

And I did forget
My holy song.
And I had no strength
In Babylon

By the Rivers dark
Where I could not see
Who was waiting there
Who was hunting me..."

A powerful lyric, and one we seem, unfortunately, to be living out.
Cast into a suddenly foreign place
By our fellow citizens who voted for "change"
They voted for revenge,
But the joke's on  them.
They are getting disaster
And unfortunately,
They will take the rest of us
down with them.
They will not realize until
Far too late
That they sold themselves
Onto Evil's plate,
And they shall be consumed.

However,
I have NOT forgotten
My holy song
That God is LOVE
And if we are of God,
We must conquer fear and hate
With LOVE.
We must fight back
and sing our holy songs
As loudly as we can.
The Spirit sings in all
Who believe
And will amplify our voices
Come, let us sing!

January 13, 2017

Cold
Icy
Slippery
Still we are at work
But tomorrow
Will be a day
To cower
Inside
With a hot beverage
And a good book
In my cozy nook
Where I can watch
The ravenous cold
Work it's icy will
Upon the world.

Today's lyrics
"Came So Far For Beauty"
"I came so far for beauty
I left so much behind
My patience and my family,
My masterpiece unsigned

I thought I'd be rewarded
For such a lonely choice
And surely she would answer
To such a very hopeless voice."


This song details a search for the approval of the desired object "Beauty" - or the attention of someone- and how no matter what the seeker does, his or her suit goes unremarked, ignored.

How often do we pursue some unobtainable, really unnecessary goal - someone's attention, recognition from a certain person or group, self-aggrandizement - how often are we ignored
because we make this pursuit for the wrong reason, or out of purely selfish need.

How often do some think they can buy approval
Only to learn that it really
Must be earned.

I should avoid the Friends shelves.
Yet another book has beguiled me.
I have so many already
Yet to be read
I'll still be reading
Ten years after I'm dead!

January 14, 2017
Today it was cold, but the rain was rain, and did not freeze.
A hawk grabbed a bird on our porch and hauled it across the street to make it his brunch.

It was one of those days when steam from heater and water heater vents streamed toward Texas on the North Wind.

It is also the day that Chelsea Hotel #2 is the Leonard Cohen Song of the day.

It does give one a glimpse of life for performers in the 60s - especially rock stars.

There is a sadness, and a little nostalgia, perhaps, in those words.

Today has been an out of sorts day for me.  I don't feel I've accomplished anything but my workout and a few loads of laundry.

January 15, 2017

A dreary, wet, lazy Sunday.

We went to church
We went out to lunch
Came back home and read
A bunch.
Then I did my elliptical training
Because by then it was REALLY raining.
Got inspired and baked some bread
The kind you eat with tea
Now we're probably too well fed
We'll just have to see

Today's lyrics are "Closing Time "

Such a long piece, and well done.
Brings out the manic
and the melancholy
of the bar scene.
Not that I ever experienced
The bar scene,
But I know those who have,
And I read a lot.
< Intermission...........
And here hath several pages to one another clung,
And thus caused an unintended empty space
To be sprung
Into this journal.

So now I must blather on
And fill this space, else
it be wasted,
And I cannot tolerate
The waste of journal space

Sometimes
The blank page
Seems an  insurmountable
Challenge.
Nothing
Comes to mind
To be placed on
The page.
Other times
The hand cannot
Write fast enough
To keep up
With the flood
Of words-
Perhaps
If one is lucky
In those profuse times
An idea or two
Pops onto the page
Amid the crush
Of words.

Usually
One is not lucky
Words may pour forth
But they are mundane
And pedestrian
No inspiring images
At all.
Having a bit of
That problem
This evening
Though
That rain
Drumming down
Out there
Begs me to do
Something
With it -

For so long
It has been so dry
The plants all threaten
To shrivel up and die
But today
The rains came
And they have been
Steady.
The kind the plants
Will find useful
So there may be hope
Of a garden again
Once Winter thaws
Into Spring.

The rhythms of rain
Are various
Not just the varying
Tempo
Of its fall to the ground,
But many other things
Affect the sound,
Windshield wipers
Whoosh, groan and thump,
Tin roofs
Make for popcorn sounds
Dull thuds come from
The shingle covered wood
Above my head
Splats from overburdened gutters
Spilling over.
But mostly
The gentle, lovely
Murmur
Of rain
Refreshing the earth
Lulling us to sleep
Soaking in deep.
--------------------> and now, back to our show!

"And it's partner found,
It's partner lost
And it's hell to pay when the fiddler stops:
It's CLOSING TIME."

A metaphor for the progression of a relationship, too, I'm sure- much of Mr. Cohen's work is.

Outside, the rain pours down
And I am grateful for a sound 
Roof over my head
And comfortable things
In a comfortable house.
Grateful for food to eat,
And electricity to keep the
House running.

January 16, 2017

Martin Luther King day -
And what an odd day in our National life it is as our president elect continues to say things that leave us in grave danger.  He would abandon our friends in NATO in favor of his man-crush Putin.
Shame on him, and shame on Congress if they let him do this.

At least today the sun came out after a long abscence
I walked outdoors again for the first time in days.
Today's lyrics:
"Coming Back To You"

Indeed this seems like a calling out to his Muse, not a conversation with a real person.  But these days I am so discouraged, it's hard to find inspiration,
Even when handed such
Beautiful words.


Liberty
(C.K.Armistead 1/16/17)

Oh, Lady,
What have we done?
Your torch has gone out,
You're losing your crown;
 We've let ourselves forget
The best things we stood for
And it ain't over yet
But it feels like we're done for.
There's a man hurling hate
At anyone brown
Threatening to close the gate
Threatening to tear it down
We must raise our voices
While we still have them
And say his are not OUR choices
And see if we can stop him
But the way ahead is uncertain
We don't know what to do
He's building an Iron Curtain
And he's drawing it around you.

Humbly submitted for your consideration.  These are rough works, mere jottings, just a discipline to make me revisit them and edit them.  I hope you enjoy them, and that they make you think, and maybe do some writing of your own.








Sunday, January 8, 2017

The First Week of 2017

Here are some excerpts from the writing journal for this week.

1/1/2017

An auspicious start
Church
Trying a new cocktail
A long walk
Finishing laundry
Reading
Writing
Singing, too
Listening also
To the musician and poet
Whose work I chose as
Writing  inspiration
Reading for this year.

As I went about this day
I saw resolutions being worked on.
I did a 5+ mile walk
Saw a couple looping the streets on their bicycles
Saw a young man walking to the store instead of driving.
As we got out of the car at church this morning,
There was a man out jogging Downtown.

A Bunch Of Lonesome Heroes
Leonard Cohen Songs
This one is deep
But I have a hard time finding references
To bring out what it
Makes me see and feel.
I suppose the basic drift is that the urge
To tell your story before
It's too late is very
Strong in all humans -
Perhaps those "heroes" who
Run the risk of dying
Find it even stronger sometimes.

The line about no one really being able to hear the
one who wanted to tell his story
Sounds a lot like
Social Media to me.
So many can "hear " you,
So few, if any, will listen,

"I sing this for the crickets
I sing this for the army
I sing this for your children
and for all that do not need me."

Not sure exactly what he meant by that,
and I don't know about you,
but I often feel like I'm
"singing for the crickets"
Nobody responds.
But that's okay.
Not everything requires a response
often things must just
be released -
To go where they will-
and the words will
Eventually find
Those who need them.



January 2, 2017


A Singer Must Die
Song by L. Cohen
He has said it is "political in a certain way."

I believe it to be about the politics of a relationship between a man and a woman.

"I will ask for the mercy that you love to decline."

I hope it isn't about to be about our actual politics.
"A singer must die for the lie in his voice."
That SHOULD apply to those in power - but all too often, those who hold power accountable are the ones accused of the lie, when they do, in fact, speak the truth.


A pleasant day
Productive in its way
Though it was a holiday
A parade watched,
Exercise done
Bookkeeping chores dispatched
Practice begun.

The handwriting is part of
what I would practice.
And it is getting better

The piano is still quite rusty -
and I REALLY need to get it tuned.
Not trying to gain new skills,
Jut trying not to lose what
I already have.

My voice is still subject
To unexpected phlegm
Drops
Some scratchiness and cracking result.
But what works has SO much more depth and resonance!

Not taking sinus meds anymore.
Waiting to see if it helps the blood pressure if I don't take all that stuff.

January 3, 2017

Resolutions being kept -
But tomorrow is a true test
Work day -
Yesterday, it got warm,
Over 60 degrees F
Today it struggled to
Stay above freezing.

Gray and cloudy
The North Wind ripped
At the Trees
And any exposed skin
It could find.
It whipped
Wood smoke from fireplaces
And steam from dryer exhausts
Around the  neighborhood
Creating a bizarre
Winter Incense
To hallow the air.

So cold and dark
I craved to be able
To spend more of this day
Curled up here with
My books and my tea
Alas,
Errands,
Chores
Time not my own,

Today's Song:

A Thousand Kisses Deep

Helps to know that it was written for a fan Mr. Cohen corresponded with who had cancer.  She ended her own life, even though for the longest tine, she said Leonard's songs helped her hang on.

Line that struck me most:
 "You live your life as if it's real."
Don't we all?
And just how sure are we of our reality?
I guess we kinda have to agree on a concept of reality in order to function as a society,
and perhaps that's part of the cause of our electoral woes.
One chunk of the country believes one concept of reality, and another big chunk has a different concept.
How we can solve this conceptual dilemma, I have no clue.

But we better figure something out SOON.

 Also thought of the  Velveteen Rabbit
 and how it took being loved to make the rabbit "real".
I must be real,
For I am well loved!


And I wonder, if we loved each other more, maybe we could be more "real" to each other, and that would make it a lot easier to see both sides of an argument, and make decisions that really helped people, instead of dividing us even further.

January 4, 2017

Still cold today.
Even colder than yesterday.
Didn't walk this morning.
Did elliptical instead.
Today's Cohen song:

Ain't No Cure For Love

The line that most struck me is
"I need to see you naked
In your body and your thoughts"

 How much more intimate
 is the sharing of the mind and soul
Than the sharing of the body?

True, for some of us,
The physical requires a more  visceral trust,
but
sharing thoughts can be even more visceral
if one wishes to truly be
"Naked in your thoughts".


January 5, 2017

Today the very air
Seems frozen
I could see my breath
Even in the insulated garage
Did my walking indoors
On the elliptical trainer
Afraid the air outside
Would freeze off my skin.
The sky looks leaden
And dark
The clouds perhaps harboring
Snow within.
The prognosticators keep changing
Their minds and disagreeing
About how much, where,
And when.

I really crave
My cozy home office,
My chair
And a cup of tea
But alas,
It is Thursday
So late day at work for me.

Today's song is

Alexandra Leaving


Cohen's take on a classic about being deserted by all the good things in life -
In this case,
A girlfriend.
He wrote a lot about lost loves.

"Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost."

Sounds like a refrain that could work
even if you changed the name.
Life is often a series of both joys and disappointments.

So many choices of creative things
To engage my mind
And my hands
But those things
Are at home
And I am here.


January 6, 2017

Today's song is Anthem

I've always liked the chorus
"Ring the bells that still will ring
Forget your perfect offering,
There's a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."

 But reading the verses tonight, it seems to me this country needs to hear,
 really hear, this song right now.

"I can't run no more with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
A thundercloud
And they're going to hear from me."

"You can strike up the march
But there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
To love will come."

These verses just really spoke to me today.
We need to be the response to that thundercloud
of hate that has been summoned up -
We need to be out there, turning hearts to love.
How we do this, I am not sure, except that I intend
To show love in the face of hate,
To stand up for those who need me,
To not accept misbehavior from our government.
Do NOT be hateful in my name!

I awoke to a snow covered world
White and sparkly
Cold
Fitting for the day
We pack Christmas away
For another year.
Epiphany
The day the 3 kings found
The Baby Jesus
In Bethlehem.
The day Christmas officially ends.
But that joyful
Giving spirit
Is supposed to live in us,
In our hearts,
All year long.

January 7, 2017

Avalanche is today's song.

And I must say, it doesn't much speak to me.

It seems to contradict itself.-
Speaking of longing and not needing-

 "I have begun to long for you
I who have no greed.
I have begun to ask for you
I who have no need."

Maybe it speaks more than I thought -
makes me think of more than a few pairs of star-crossed lovers I have read about -

Another white-bright day -
But I cannot shelter here
I have to go and earn my pay
Time to library, my dear.
And will it be a quiet day
Except for the phone-
All wanting to renew, they say,
So they may remain snug
At home...

January 8, 2017

Today is Sunday
One full week in this
New Year.
The weather today is
 A little warmer
A lot breezier
More snow melted, evaporated,
Gone.

Church done for another week
Wednesday will hold a  rehearsal again
The Odd routine of Holidays
Ended.
We will miss the next
Great feast -
We will be away for Easter Day - traveling -
And will travel home on
The Bombing anniversary.
If our nation hasn't been destroyed
By then.
I know the idiot-elect will try.

 Today's song is Ballad of the Absent Mare

and a long and involved thing it is.
Much like the relationships it alludes to.
Man and woman
Man and Nature
Man and God
All these are difficult
Almost as impossible
As a human's relationship
To him- or her- self.

We all have our moments
Of loss, anger, seeking, finding, rejoicing, reveling, mourning,

This is what makes us human.
This is what can unite us
If we but let it.
Stories,
Stories of how we got to where we are,
Why we feel the way we feel,
What we learned about ourselves and others
Along the way.
If we but sit still and LISTEN
To one another,
We can finally, finally
SEE each other.
Know we are all so much the same.
In the same boat
Afloat in a scary
Universe.
We can comfort each other
We can help each other
We can build a BETTER world
If we can only learn to LISTEN
To each other.