All The Loose Bits

Time for another gleaning from my writing journal.  Some are poems, some are scenes, some just little bits of life's annoying nature.

May 29, 2017

By our celebrations
and cookouts today
Perhaps we really do
Show gratitude
To those who died
Defending our right
To speak freely,
Worship as we choose,
And pursue happiness.

We are only doing things
They would do
If they were still here
To enjoy them, too.
So let's raise our glasses
To absent friends
And relatives
And remember to appreciate
This freedom
 Bought for us
At such a great price.


May 30, 2017

Chocolate chip shortbread is TOO good.

Gaining weight is far too easy.

Weariness is a companion that has become all too familiar.


June 4, 2017

Insomnia, thou art
Too familiar
A guest
Rather more
An intruder
These days.
Would that you
Be gone tonight-
Just pack your
Intrusive thoughts
And random aches
And pains
Into your
Well-worn
Case
And GO.
And don't come back.
Also
You can stop
With the traveling itches
And muscle twitches
And bathroom breaks
I am supposed to
Be sleeping
Not suffering.
Perhaps too much caffeine
Is your invitation
Or eating too late in
The evening
Or drinking too much water -
Or exercising too late -
I don't know.
I just want you gone.


Tomorrow
There will be bagels
Also
I will renew my driver's license
And I will attempt to eat
Less crap
And more healthy stuff.


June 7, 2017

If I want my blood pressure to go down,
I have to stop looking at anything to do with the current administration-
At least until somebody confirms he and all his minions are GONE.

Emotions are such a
Yo-yo right now.
Up and down
Hope and despair
Joy and sadness
Wish things would settle down
Out there in the world
So
They could also settle down
Here in my heart.

Wish I could finish my story
And get some more poetry
Written.
It's so hard to sit down and get anything written.


June 9, 2017

Strange how sometimes things you get for free
Can become favorite items.

For years we've used a citrus peeler I got as a freebie at a Tupperware party.

I am currently enamored of a stylus pen given out by a local business and given to me by a friend.

Strange how odd things can be so useful.
The teapot my mother used most  (which I now own) was one she got free in a supermarket promotion.

Our one and only kitchen funnel was  given to us as a promotional gift by our Fuller Brush man long ago and far away.


July 1, 2017

Behold-
The world's most
Neglected journal-
My most neglected art
My writing.
My singing is also much
Neglected lately.
Both deficits add
To the darkness
In my soul.

A project I've been
Sitting on for about a month -
Candy Wrapper Wisdom
From Dove Chocolates:
"Coin a new catchphrase."

"Build a bridge with chocolate."

"Give someone a compliment."

"Make all food finger food."

"Share something OFFline"

"Why not?"

"Lend an ear, and a chocolate."


If I want to use up
This journal
And be able to use
A new one
At the turn of the year-
I need to get busy
And write.

Too often
I sit
And stare
At a screen
Reading
Or watching
Other people's
Stories.
Time to justify all these pens
And the empty journals
Waiting to be used.

Today started out to be a not so good day

Recycle center closed until the 7th
Doughnut place was sold out.
Came to work, couple of stinky customer problems.
Got MY customer sorted-
Everybody else has been fine.

More and more every day
It looks like the Nazis who were elected last November
Are trying to dismantle our country.
I only hope God hears our prayers
And stops them.


July 4, 2017

New York
First known as
New Amsterdam
THE City
The Big Apple
Icon of America
For many.
Truly what we think of
When someone says
The Big City.


Last night we had Mother Nature's fireworks.
Thunder rattling the window,
Lightning's  blinding flash
Tonight we have the man-made
Variety
Pretty, but nowhere near as impressive.


July 6, 2017

Summer afternoon
Hot
Steamy
Busy
The library is cool
So we have
LOTS of people
In here.

My personality type is supposed to like plans
Well, when I have something specific to do, or someplace to go,
I like a plan to follow.
As far as goals, long term planning, I suck at that.
I meander along with no over-riding purpose -
Just getting through each day as it comes.

I need to get myself and Matt more motivated
and set some goals -
Maybe using our trip to NYC in the spring as a motivator for financial as well as fitness goals-
My biggest issue is laziness and being too easily tempted by instant gratification as far as eating and spending go.

We need more planning.

I also need a bit more of a life goal than just surviving.  We both need to have something to work toward---

 ----July 22, 2017----

Behold, a blank page.
Left unintenionally
in the midst of my writings.
So wrong to leave paper unused, as though my mind had suddenly gone mute.
It feels as though it does, sometimes.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with what must be processed - as though my intellect must sort through the input dump and weed out that which is itself poisonous, or which triggers toxic responses.
So often lately, dealing with my own body's betrayal I feel as though I will NEVER get all of this sorted and get my calm reasserted.  Order escapes me.
 Chaos seems to reign, at least inside my head.
And then phrases come
Like chants
Like prayers
Out of the maelstrom
And ask to be written down
For you have never left me alone  in the dark before
You have always let me see your light
And by that light, the beauty  of all that is -
You will  not abandon me now, I know.
I have only to reach for
Your hand...

-------------
July 14, 2017 (back to normal order of entries)
In eleven days I go to have cataract and glaucoma surgery.
Never thought I'd be anxious to get a surgery done, but because of the type of glaucoma I have -
It's best to go quickly so I don't go blind.
The idea of the surgery kinda creeps me out, and the risks, though very small, are also real and scary.
The alternative is even scarier.
The changes will be hard to deal with in the short term, but in the end my vision may just be better, and I MAY only need reading glassed once we're all done.  I will also, I hope, be less likely to have an acute attack and suddenly go blind. The drops I take will help this, too.

July 17, 2017

Just A Bunch Of Random Crap That Runs Through My Mind
(Wait. That sounds gross ...)
Things I Ponder In Odd Moments
(Much better.)

There seems to be a plague of mourning doves in Oklahoma.
Everywhere I go I see them.  There's even one nesting in the rain gutters on the house.

Why do I run out of energy when I most need it?

How can I seem so calm when I am running around screaming on the inside?

Why are eye drops such a pain?




July 22, 2017

My love, why do you make simple tasks so difficult for me?  Leaving things stuck on utensils and the sink, to dry into concrete I cannot easily remove?  Why do you eat too much of the things you should not?  Are you getting even with me for bringing those things here in the first place?
Well, the cheesecake filling was my fault.  I needed it for the strawberry pie.
And perhaps making that pie was selfish - but I needed the happy memories of my Pop and Mom, and the sweetness and the process of making something good with my own hands.  (While I still can, whispers that dark voice I've heard all too much of lately.)
I try for my own sake, and for the sake of those who must bear my company, to wrap myself in cheerfulness and positivity.
I do try to keep faith- as God has never yet let me down-
But oh, the darkness whispers terrible things to me.  Things like I'll be PERMANENTLY in the dark, blind, helpless, no hope of independence , denied my reading, writing, colors, all my beauties save music.
Sometimes the darkness whispers that I'll just die- some unanticipated reaction to the anesthesia - and a few may mourn, but most won't notice, won't care, that I've gone.
I KNOW that to be a lie.  I can FEEL the love that surrounds me, all the hearts I have cared for, who also care for mine.  Those who love my humor, my words, my music, those who bless me by being my friends, by allowing me to share with them - those kind enough to see me and love me for all my quirks.
And YOU, my love.  You most of all who love me enough to spar with me, grouse at me, annoy me, and know that I will not leave you. I will NEVER leave you by choice.  I will be here for you.  You need me.  I know.  I love you.  For always.




Even Halloween and all its supposed traditional terrors had nothing on high summer in Oklahoma for epic creepiness.
The blast of hellish south winds on oppressive air, and the dry-bones rattle of cicadas everywhere.
Ghoulish messages sent and received on the restless, sullen air.
In the evenings, the space - ship song of those same insects whines into the barely receding heat.  If   you look, the season's only blessing, the tiny, intermittent galaxies of fireflies in the deepening dusk.  But only if we leave the yard lights off.



There.  That's the latest from the writing journal.  Some stuff I really like in there, and some of the usual crap.  This is how writing works.  A lot like panning for gold.  You get a whole bunch of sand, and a few bright gold nuggets.