The Relativity of Aging

I may be getting older, but I certainly don't feel OLD.  I feel better about myself now than I ever have, I think.

I have lost a lot of weight over the last two years, I've started paying more attention to what I wear, and not feeling so constrained about what is and isn't appropriate for my "age" as I used to.  I go with what looks good.  If it looks tasteful and not tacky, it's a go.  If it's a snugger fit, or a slinkier fabric than I might have felt comfortable in before, once again, if it looks  right, I get it.

For so long, I thought I was too chunky, too busty, too old, too conservative to wear the things that deep down, I really wanted to wear.  Skinny cut jeans (with stretch, I'm no masochist, not even for the sake of looking good), low cut tops, metallic fabrics (within reason), dresses that are form-fitting, bras with less than 4 rows of hooks.  I have found that I can indeed wear these things, and they look fine.  I don't look ridiculous, and I am comfortable.

I've been playing with nail polish again, too.  Not only looks cool, but it protects my nails from all the slams and scrapes of daily life.  Makes it less likely that I'll have raggedy cuticles, too.

I am also letting all the dye grow out of my hair.  So far, it looks pretty good.  Next cut will tell more about how much gray there really is.  I have decided to just own the fact that I have gray hair, and live with it, at least for awhile.  If it looks like I think it will, it should be fine.

This shows both my style and my haircolor.

The best thing that comes with age is that sense of being comfortable, confident, even powerful in your own skin.  I know that I have more confidence in myself today than I had when I was 25.  Today, if a boss dared be so unprofessional as to raise their voice to me, they probably wouldn't like the scolding they'd get in return. (None of my supervisors are that unprofessional. I was remembering one I had in my 20s.  Would not go down that way now. )  3o years lends one wonderful perspective.

This new confidence does flee on occasion.  It is indeed difficult to overcome a lifetime of habitual slumping, hiding, and being meek.  I am trying to remember to walk tall and sit tall, and be proud.

A friend posted this on Facebook recently, and it struck me as something I've been trying to tell myself a lot lately.  I'm DONE hiding.  Time to own how good I look, and ENJOY it!

Learning to be comfortable in my own skin, to be confident, is an ongoing process.  I still have moments of abject panic, as when I have to sing something I am less than prepared to sing in public.  My brain just seems to shut off on such occasions, leaving me certain that I cannot do something that I SHOULD be able to do. Still working on the courage to do things that I might regret not doing in the future.  Chances that should be taken, words that should be spoken, poems that ought to be written.  People that should be hugged, walks that need to be taken, songs that must be sung!
I am still very much a work in progress.  I have let chances go by even just recently that I should have taken.  I have also taken some chances and been very glad I did!
Also resisting the urge to correct the grammar in that graphic I used!  Ha!  Once a teacher...