So, the surgery I was apprehensive about turned out to be nowhere near as stressful as I feared. I think my main worry was that I had never had sedation of any kind before. (Well, other than the self-inflicted alcoholic variety, and that only mildly...)
The cataract/ glaucoma surgery went very quickly and very well. Right now I am in the uncomfortable place that the distance correction in my glasses is too much, but I need the middle distance and the reading correction. Driving is not as bad as I feared. I can once again see both the street and the dashboard without the dashboard being too blurry to read. Maybe once the right eye is done, this will settle in a little more, but then there is the four- to six- week wait for the eyes to stabilize so we can get new glasses without it being a waste of time and money.
Right now, I am typing this with no glasses at all. I can see the screen pretty clearly. I do still have floaters, I probably always will, both because of age and because I have detached vitreous, which means my floaters may be more noticeable to me. My real hope is that the cataract surgery and the cleaning out of the scar tissue near my irises will mean that the glaucoma danger has pretty much passed. I may still need the drops just in case, but I kinda figured I'd end up with that since my Mom had glaucoma, and so does my sister. It DOES run in families. Just that I got to have the rare and unusual kind. (Then again, I am pretty rare and unusual, so...)
Recuperating is difficult. I can't do my my usual exercise, and I get bored, so I eat entirely too much, and the wrong things. I have gained five pounds this week, but most of it will vanish the day I start walking in earnest again. Hey, maybe now I won't have to worry about falling so much, because maybe I'll be better able to see where my feet are going!
The well wishes of all my many friends, church family, library family, and especially my #Perlsistas has meant a lot to me in this process. I know you guys care, and I know you are thinking of me and praying for me, and I really appreciate it, and it has made a HUGE difference in my ability to keep the freakouts at bay and behave like an actual grown-up.
Now that I am near the end of this first bout of recuperation, I have a few things I have put off to get done, like making library staff birthday cards for August, and reading some stories for my YouTube story fans. I may find out on Wednesday when my right eye will be done. Much will depend on the progress the left eye has made, and how the doctor feels about going forward. (Also, I am hoping TriCare responds quickly this time, now that they should know that the surgery is necessary not only to prevent the cataract from getting worse, but to greatly alleviate the glaucoma situation by freeing up space in the forward part of my eyeball. ( Replacement lens is nowhere near as thick as the natural one, more space in the chamber = less chance of the drainage being clogged up again, less chance of dangerous pressure spike.)
So that's where I am this week. More as things develop. Thanks again for all the good thoughts and prayers. They DO make a difference!
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Saturday, July 22, 2017
All The Loose Bits
Time for another gleaning from my writing journal. Some are poems, some are scenes, some just little bits of life's annoying nature.
May 29, 2017
By our celebrations
and cookouts today
Perhaps we really do
Show gratitude
To those who died
Defending our right
To speak freely,
Worship as we choose,
And pursue happiness.
We are only doing things
They would do
If they were still here
To enjoy them, too.
So let's raise our glasses
To absent friends
And relatives
And remember to appreciate
This freedom
Bought for us
At such a great price.
May 30, 2017
Chocolate chip shortbread is TOO good.
Gaining weight is far too easy.
Weariness is a companion that has become all too familiar.
June 4, 2017
Insomnia, thou art
Too familiar
A guest
Rather more
An intruder
These days.
Would that you
Be gone tonight-
Just pack your
Intrusive thoughts
And random aches
And pains
Into your
Well-worn
Case
And GO.
And don't come back.
Also
You can stop
With the traveling itches
And muscle twitches
And bathroom breaks
I am supposed to
Be sleeping
Not suffering.
Perhaps too much caffeine
Is your invitation
Or eating too late in
The evening
Or drinking too much water -
Or exercising too late -
I don't know.
I just want you gone.
Tomorrow
There will be bagels
Also
I will renew my driver's license
And I will attempt to eat
Less crap
And more healthy stuff.
June 7, 2017
If I want my blood pressure to go down,
I have to stop looking at anything to do with the current administration-
At least until somebody confirms he and all his minions are GONE.
Emotions are such a
Yo-yo right now.
Up and down
Hope and despair
Joy and sadness
Wish things would settle down
Out there in the world
So
They could also settle down
Here in my heart.
Wish I could finish my story
And get some more poetry
Written.
It's so hard to sit down and get anything written.
June 9, 2017
Strange how sometimes things you get for free
Can become favorite items.
For years we've used a citrus peeler I got as a freebie at a Tupperware party.
I am currently enamored of a stylus pen given out by a local business and given to me by a friend.
Strange how odd things can be so useful.
The teapot my mother used most (which I now own) was one she got free in a supermarket promotion.
Our one and only kitchen funnel was given to us as a promotional gift by our Fuller Brush man long ago and far away.
July 1, 2017
Behold-
The world's most
Neglected journal-
My most neglected art
My writing.
My singing is also much
Neglected lately.
Both deficits add
To the darkness
In my soul.
A project I've been
Sitting on for about a month -
Candy Wrapper Wisdom
From Dove Chocolates:
"Coin a new catchphrase."
"Build a bridge with chocolate."
"Give someone a compliment."
"Make all food finger food."
"Share something OFFline"
"Why not?"
"Lend an ear, and a chocolate."
If I want to use up
This journal
And be able to use
A new one
At the turn of the year-
I need to get busy
And write.
Too often
I sit
And stare
At a screen
Reading
Or watching
Other people's
Stories.
Time to justify all these pens
And the empty journals
Waiting to be used.
Today started out to be a not so good day
Recycle center closed until the 7th
Doughnut place was sold out.
Came to work, couple of stinky customer problems.
Got MY customer sorted-
Everybody else has been fine.
More and more every day
It looks like the Nazis who were elected last November
Are trying to dismantle our country.
I only hope God hears our prayers
And stops them.
July 4, 2017
New York
First known as
New Amsterdam
THE City
The Big Apple
Icon of America
For many.
Truly what we think of
When someone says
The Big City.
Last night we had Mother Nature's fireworks.
Thunder rattling the window,
Lightning's blinding flash
Tonight we have the man-made
Variety
Pretty, but nowhere near as impressive.
July 6, 2017
Summer afternoon
Hot
Steamy
Busy
The library is cool
So we have
LOTS of people
In here.
My personality type is supposed to like plans
Well, when I have something specific to do, or someplace to go,
I like a plan to follow.
As far as goals, long term planning, I suck at that.
I meander along with no over-riding purpose -
Just getting through each day as it comes.
I need to get myself and Matt more motivated
and set some goals -
Maybe using our trip to NYC in the spring as a motivator for financial as well as fitness goals-
My biggest issue is laziness and being too easily tempted by instant gratification as far as eating and spending go.
We need more planning.
I also need a bit more of a life goal than just surviving. We both need to have something to work toward---
----July 22, 2017----
Behold, a blank page.
Left unintenionally
in the midst of my writings.
So wrong to leave paper unused, as though my mind had suddenly gone mute.
It feels as though it does, sometimes.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with what must be processed - as though my intellect must sort through the input dump and weed out that which is itself poisonous, or which triggers toxic responses.
So often lately, dealing with my own body's betrayal I feel as though I will NEVER get all of this sorted and get my calm reasserted. Order escapes me.
Chaos seems to reign, at least inside my head.
And then phrases come
Like chants
Like prayers
Out of the maelstrom
And ask to be written down
For you have never left me alone in the dark before
You have always let me see your light
And by that light, the beauty of all that is -
You will not abandon me now, I know.
I have only to reach for
Your hand...
-------------
July 14, 2017 (back to normal order of entries)
In eleven days I go to have cataract and glaucoma surgery.
Never thought I'd be anxious to get a surgery done, but because of the type of glaucoma I have -
It's best to go quickly so I don't go blind.
The idea of the surgery kinda creeps me out, and the risks, though very small, are also real and scary.
The alternative is even scarier.
The changes will be hard to deal with in the short term, but in the end my vision may just be better, and I MAY only need reading glassed once we're all done. I will also, I hope, be less likely to have an acute attack and suddenly go blind. The drops I take will help this, too.
July 17, 2017
Just A Bunch Of Random Crap That Runs Through My Mind
(Wait. That sounds gross ...)
Things I Ponder In Odd Moments
(Much better.)
There seems to be a plague of mourning doves in Oklahoma.
Everywhere I go I see them. There's even one nesting in the rain gutters on the house.
Why do I run out of energy when I most need it?
How can I seem so calm when I am running around screaming on the inside?
Why are eye drops such a pain?
July 22, 2017
My love, why do you make simple tasks so difficult for me? Leaving things stuck on utensils and the sink, to dry into concrete I cannot easily remove? Why do you eat too much of the things you should not? Are you getting even with me for bringing those things here in the first place?
Well, the cheesecake filling was my fault. I needed it for the strawberry pie.
And perhaps making that pie was selfish - but I needed the happy memories of my Pop and Mom, and the sweetness and the process of making something good with my own hands. (While I still can, whispers that dark voice I've heard all too much of lately.)
I try for my own sake, and for the sake of those who must bear my company, to wrap myself in cheerfulness and positivity.
I do try to keep faith- as God has never yet let me down-
But oh, the darkness whispers terrible things to me. Things like I'll be PERMANENTLY in the dark, blind, helpless, no hope of independence , denied my reading, writing, colors, all my beauties save music.
Sometimes the darkness whispers that I'll just die- some unanticipated reaction to the anesthesia - and a few may mourn, but most won't notice, won't care, that I've gone.
I KNOW that to be a lie. I can FEEL the love that surrounds me, all the hearts I have cared for, who also care for mine. Those who love my humor, my words, my music, those who bless me by being my friends, by allowing me to share with them - those kind enough to see me and love me for all my quirks.
And YOU, my love. You most of all who love me enough to spar with me, grouse at me, annoy me, and know that I will not leave you. I will NEVER leave you by choice. I will be here for you. You need me. I know. I love you. For always.
Even Halloween and all its supposed traditional terrors had nothing on high summer in Oklahoma for epic creepiness.
The blast of hellish south winds on oppressive air, and the dry-bones rattle of cicadas everywhere.
Ghoulish messages sent and received on the restless, sullen air.
In the evenings, the space - ship song of those same insects whines into the barely receding heat. If you look, the season's only blessing, the tiny, intermittent galaxies of fireflies in the deepening dusk. But only if we leave the yard lights off.
There. That's the latest from the writing journal. Some stuff I really like in there, and some of the usual crap. This is how writing works. A lot like panning for gold. You get a whole bunch of sand, and a few bright gold nuggets.
May 29, 2017
By our celebrations
and cookouts today
Perhaps we really do
Show gratitude
To those who died
Defending our right
To speak freely,
Worship as we choose,
And pursue happiness.
We are only doing things
They would do
If they were still here
To enjoy them, too.
So let's raise our glasses
To absent friends
And relatives
And remember to appreciate
This freedom
Bought for us
At such a great price.
May 30, 2017
Chocolate chip shortbread is TOO good.
Gaining weight is far too easy.
Weariness is a companion that has become all too familiar.
June 4, 2017
Insomnia, thou art
Too familiar
A guest
Rather more
An intruder
These days.
Would that you
Be gone tonight-
Just pack your
Intrusive thoughts
And random aches
And pains
Into your
Well-worn
Case
And GO.
And don't come back.
Also
You can stop
With the traveling itches
And muscle twitches
And bathroom breaks
I am supposed to
Be sleeping
Not suffering.
Perhaps too much caffeine
Is your invitation
Or eating too late in
The evening
Or drinking too much water -
Or exercising too late -
I don't know.
I just want you gone.
Tomorrow
There will be bagels
Also
I will renew my driver's license
And I will attempt to eat
Less crap
And more healthy stuff.
June 7, 2017
If I want my blood pressure to go down,
I have to stop looking at anything to do with the current administration-
At least until somebody confirms he and all his minions are GONE.
Emotions are such a
Yo-yo right now.
Up and down
Hope and despair
Joy and sadness
Wish things would settle down
Out there in the world
So
They could also settle down
Here in my heart.
Wish I could finish my story
And get some more poetry
Written.
It's so hard to sit down and get anything written.
June 9, 2017
Strange how sometimes things you get for free
Can become favorite items.
For years we've used a citrus peeler I got as a freebie at a Tupperware party.
I am currently enamored of a stylus pen given out by a local business and given to me by a friend.
Strange how odd things can be so useful.
The teapot my mother used most (which I now own) was one she got free in a supermarket promotion.
Our one and only kitchen funnel was given to us as a promotional gift by our Fuller Brush man long ago and far away.
July 1, 2017
Behold-
The world's most
Neglected journal-
My most neglected art
My writing.
My singing is also much
Neglected lately.
Both deficits add
To the darkness
In my soul.
A project I've been
Sitting on for about a month -
Candy Wrapper Wisdom
From Dove Chocolates:
"Coin a new catchphrase."
"Build a bridge with chocolate."
"Give someone a compliment."
"Make all food finger food."
"Share something OFFline"
"Why not?"
"Lend an ear, and a chocolate."
If I want to use up
This journal
And be able to use
A new one
At the turn of the year-
I need to get busy
And write.
Too often
I sit
And stare
At a screen
Reading
Or watching
Other people's
Stories.
Time to justify all these pens
And the empty journals
Waiting to be used.
Today started out to be a not so good day
Recycle center closed until the 7th
Doughnut place was sold out.
Came to work, couple of stinky customer problems.
Got MY customer sorted-
Everybody else has been fine.
More and more every day
It looks like the Nazis who were elected last November
Are trying to dismantle our country.
I only hope God hears our prayers
And stops them.
July 4, 2017
New York
First known as
New Amsterdam
THE City
The Big Apple
Icon of America
For many.
Truly what we think of
When someone says
The Big City.
Last night we had Mother Nature's fireworks.
Thunder rattling the window,
Lightning's blinding flash
Tonight we have the man-made
Variety
Pretty, but nowhere near as impressive.
July 6, 2017
Summer afternoon
Hot
Steamy
Busy
The library is cool
So we have
LOTS of people
In here.
My personality type is supposed to like plans
Well, when I have something specific to do, or someplace to go,
I like a plan to follow.
As far as goals, long term planning, I suck at that.
I meander along with no over-riding purpose -
Just getting through each day as it comes.
I need to get myself and Matt more motivated
and set some goals -
Maybe using our trip to NYC in the spring as a motivator for financial as well as fitness goals-
My biggest issue is laziness and being too easily tempted by instant gratification as far as eating and spending go.
We need more planning.
I also need a bit more of a life goal than just surviving. We both need to have something to work toward---
----July 22, 2017----
Behold, a blank page.
Left unintenionally
in the midst of my writings.
So wrong to leave paper unused, as though my mind had suddenly gone mute.
It feels as though it does, sometimes.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with what must be processed - as though my intellect must sort through the input dump and weed out that which is itself poisonous, or which triggers toxic responses.
So often lately, dealing with my own body's betrayal I feel as though I will NEVER get all of this sorted and get my calm reasserted. Order escapes me.
Chaos seems to reign, at least inside my head.
And then phrases come
Like chants
Like prayers
Out of the maelstrom
And ask to be written down
For you have never left me alone in the dark before
You have always let me see your light
And by that light, the beauty of all that is -
You will not abandon me now, I know.
I have only to reach for
Your hand...
-------------
July 14, 2017 (back to normal order of entries)
In eleven days I go to have cataract and glaucoma surgery.
Never thought I'd be anxious to get a surgery done, but because of the type of glaucoma I have -
It's best to go quickly so I don't go blind.
The idea of the surgery kinda creeps me out, and the risks, though very small, are also real and scary.
The alternative is even scarier.
The changes will be hard to deal with in the short term, but in the end my vision may just be better, and I MAY only need reading glassed once we're all done. I will also, I hope, be less likely to have an acute attack and suddenly go blind. The drops I take will help this, too.
July 17, 2017
Just A Bunch Of Random Crap That Runs Through My Mind
(Wait. That sounds gross ...)
Things I Ponder In Odd Moments
(Much better.)
There seems to be a plague of mourning doves in Oklahoma.
Everywhere I go I see them. There's even one nesting in the rain gutters on the house.
Why do I run out of energy when I most need it?
How can I seem so calm when I am running around screaming on the inside?
Why are eye drops such a pain?
July 22, 2017
My love, why do you make simple tasks so difficult for me? Leaving things stuck on utensils and the sink, to dry into concrete I cannot easily remove? Why do you eat too much of the things you should not? Are you getting even with me for bringing those things here in the first place?
Well, the cheesecake filling was my fault. I needed it for the strawberry pie.
And perhaps making that pie was selfish - but I needed the happy memories of my Pop and Mom, and the sweetness and the process of making something good with my own hands. (While I still can, whispers that dark voice I've heard all too much of lately.)
I try for my own sake, and for the sake of those who must bear my company, to wrap myself in cheerfulness and positivity.
I do try to keep faith- as God has never yet let me down-
But oh, the darkness whispers terrible things to me. Things like I'll be PERMANENTLY in the dark, blind, helpless, no hope of independence , denied my reading, writing, colors, all my beauties save music.
Sometimes the darkness whispers that I'll just die- some unanticipated reaction to the anesthesia - and a few may mourn, but most won't notice, won't care, that I've gone.
I KNOW that to be a lie. I can FEEL the love that surrounds me, all the hearts I have cared for, who also care for mine. Those who love my humor, my words, my music, those who bless me by being my friends, by allowing me to share with them - those kind enough to see me and love me for all my quirks.
And YOU, my love. You most of all who love me enough to spar with me, grouse at me, annoy me, and know that I will not leave you. I will NEVER leave you by choice. I will be here for you. You need me. I know. I love you. For always.
Even Halloween and all its supposed traditional terrors had nothing on high summer in Oklahoma for epic creepiness.
The blast of hellish south winds on oppressive air, and the dry-bones rattle of cicadas everywhere.
Ghoulish messages sent and received on the restless, sullen air.
In the evenings, the space - ship song of those same insects whines into the barely receding heat. If you look, the season's only blessing, the tiny, intermittent galaxies of fireflies in the deepening dusk. But only if we leave the yard lights off.
There. That's the latest from the writing journal. Some stuff I really like in there, and some of the usual crap. This is how writing works. A lot like panning for gold. You get a whole bunch of sand, and a few bright gold nuggets.
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Summertime, And The Livin' Is...Interesting
Summer is supposedly most people's favorite season. Not for me. I don't do well in the Oklahoma heat. My energy runs out quickly, and dressing for work is a whole new challenge, as the library is kept blessedly cool, but between the car and the building is a blast furnace!
Another challenge I face this summer is that I just found out I have a rare type of glaucoma. Here I was, minding my own business, just going to get looked at by an opthalmologist because I have been told I have detached vitreous, and I find out I have Narrow Angle Glaucoma. There is some damage from it, AND I have cataracts, so in about a week and a half, I have the first of two surgeries to remove the cataracts, and to open up the drainage a bit in my eyeballs. Left eye first, then the right will be done at a later date. Evidently, the pressure in my eyes was rather astounding, and I have had NO symptoms. This type usually shows up with headaches, nausea, and very blurry vision, and rainbow halos around lights. I have had a couple of really bad headaches in the last month or two, but none of the other symptoms. (I had assumed a sinus blockage in one case, and too many margaritas in the other!)
Upon doing some research, I come to find out that it is something of a miracle that I haven't had a major acute attack. All of the allergy medications I take except for plain Mucinex, can cause an acute attack in someone with Narrow Angle. Even my Ranitidine that I take for acid stomach can cause one. Good thing I have lots of ginger ale and some Gaviscon in the house! At least my aspirin and Tylenol are safe. (And this week no aspirin or ibuprofen because of upcoming surgery.) I will, of course, speak with my doctor about which medicines will be safe for me going forward, but for right now, I'm looking at major changes in habits. I will also have to limit caffeine intake; something I was planning on doing anyway, as being able to sleep would be nice.
I find myself looking around the house at things I need to get done before surgery day, as though I won't be able to do them after. (Well, some things I probably won't, at least for a week or two). There is a story I want to finish writing, some more picture books to read aloud and record for my online friends, some general straightening up and cleaning up around here, too.
It's also hard not to be paranoid about my eyes now. I've had fits off an on with feeling like the floaters NEVER get out of my way, at least now I know why. Cataracts. I am also having some dry eye feelings because of the Lumigan, so artificial tears are my friend. Every twinge, itch, and twitch are now suspect. I'm driving myself nuts. I'll just have to calm down. It is very astounding how calm I felt when I was told all this, how I immediately agreed surgery was necessary, and given the two options, I opted for getting the cataracts and the glaucoma dealt with at the same time. Less instances of trauma.
As I am trying not to freak out about the surgery and all the possibilities (good and bad) from that, I am also starting back to voice lessons after a long forced sabbatical due to my coach's health. She is better now, and able to get to her piano, so we're on again. Tomorrow morning at 10!
So, I still need to find time this week to read stories, write in my journal, and finish writing that fanfic I've been pondering over for more than a year. Speaking of sleep, though, it's after 11pm, and I need to turn in. Further reports as events (and inspirations) warrant!
Another challenge I face this summer is that I just found out I have a rare type of glaucoma. Here I was, minding my own business, just going to get looked at by an opthalmologist because I have been told I have detached vitreous, and I find out I have Narrow Angle Glaucoma. There is some damage from it, AND I have cataracts, so in about a week and a half, I have the first of two surgeries to remove the cataracts, and to open up the drainage a bit in my eyeballs. Left eye first, then the right will be done at a later date. Evidently, the pressure in my eyes was rather astounding, and I have had NO symptoms. This type usually shows up with headaches, nausea, and very blurry vision, and rainbow halos around lights. I have had a couple of really bad headaches in the last month or two, but none of the other symptoms. (I had assumed a sinus blockage in one case, and too many margaritas in the other!)
Upon doing some research, I come to find out that it is something of a miracle that I haven't had a major acute attack. All of the allergy medications I take except for plain Mucinex, can cause an acute attack in someone with Narrow Angle. Even my Ranitidine that I take for acid stomach can cause one. Good thing I have lots of ginger ale and some Gaviscon in the house! At least my aspirin and Tylenol are safe. (And this week no aspirin or ibuprofen because of upcoming surgery.) I will, of course, speak with my doctor about which medicines will be safe for me going forward, but for right now, I'm looking at major changes in habits. I will also have to limit caffeine intake; something I was planning on doing anyway, as being able to sleep would be nice.
I find myself looking around the house at things I need to get done before surgery day, as though I won't be able to do them after. (Well, some things I probably won't, at least for a week or two). There is a story I want to finish writing, some more picture books to read aloud and record for my online friends, some general straightening up and cleaning up around here, too.
It's also hard not to be paranoid about my eyes now. I've had fits off an on with feeling like the floaters NEVER get out of my way, at least now I know why. Cataracts. I am also having some dry eye feelings because of the Lumigan, so artificial tears are my friend. Every twinge, itch, and twitch are now suspect. I'm driving myself nuts. I'll just have to calm down. It is very astounding how calm I felt when I was told all this, how I immediately agreed surgery was necessary, and given the two options, I opted for getting the cataracts and the glaucoma dealt with at the same time. Less instances of trauma.
As I am trying not to freak out about the surgery and all the possibilities (good and bad) from that, I am also starting back to voice lessons after a long forced sabbatical due to my coach's health. She is better now, and able to get to her piano, so we're on again. Tomorrow morning at 10!
So, I still need to find time this week to read stories, write in my journal, and finish writing that fanfic I've been pondering over for more than a year. Speaking of sleep, though, it's after 11pm, and I need to turn in. Further reports as events (and inspirations) warrant!
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