All The Loose Bits

Time for another gleaning from my writing journal.  Some are poems, some are scenes, some just little bits of life's annoying nature.

May 29, 2017

By our celebrations
and cookouts today
Perhaps we really do
Show gratitude
To those who died
Defending our right
To speak freely,
Worship as we choose,
And pursue happiness.

We are only doing things
They would do
If they were still here
To enjoy them, too.
So let's raise our glasses
To absent friends
And relatives
And remember to appreciate
This freedom
 Bought for us
At such a great price.


May 30, 2017

Chocolate chip shortbread is TOO good.

Gaining weight is far too easy.

Weariness is a companion that has become all too familiar.


June 4, 2017

Insomnia, thou art
Too familiar
A guest
Rather more
An intruder
These days.
Would that you
Be gone tonight-
Just pack your
Intrusive thoughts
And random aches
And pains
Into your
Well-worn
Case
And GO.
And don't come back.
Also
You can stop
With the traveling itches
And muscle twitches
And bathroom breaks
I am supposed to
Be sleeping
Not suffering.
Perhaps too much caffeine
Is your invitation
Or eating too late in
The evening
Or drinking too much water -
Or exercising too late -
I don't know.
I just want you gone.


Tomorrow
There will be bagels
Also
I will renew my driver's license
And I will attempt to eat
Less crap
And more healthy stuff.


June 7, 2017

If I want my blood pressure to go down,
I have to stop looking at anything to do with the current administration-
At least until somebody confirms he and all his minions are GONE.

Emotions are such a
Yo-yo right now.
Up and down
Hope and despair
Joy and sadness
Wish things would settle down
Out there in the world
So
They could also settle down
Here in my heart.

Wish I could finish my story
And get some more poetry
Written.
It's so hard to sit down and get anything written.


June 9, 2017

Strange how sometimes things you get for free
Can become favorite items.

For years we've used a citrus peeler I got as a freebie at a Tupperware party.

I am currently enamored of a stylus pen given out by a local business and given to me by a friend.

Strange how odd things can be so useful.
The teapot my mother used most  (which I now own) was one she got free in a supermarket promotion.

Our one and only kitchen funnel was  given to us as a promotional gift by our Fuller Brush man long ago and far away.


July 1, 2017

Behold-
The world's most
Neglected journal-
My most neglected art
My writing.
My singing is also much
Neglected lately.
Both deficits add
To the darkness
In my soul.

A project I've been
Sitting on for about a month -
Candy Wrapper Wisdom
From Dove Chocolates:
"Coin a new catchphrase."

"Build a bridge with chocolate."

"Give someone a compliment."

"Make all food finger food."

"Share something OFFline"

"Why not?"

"Lend an ear, and a chocolate."


If I want to use up
This journal
And be able to use
A new one
At the turn of the year-
I need to get busy
And write.

Too often
I sit
And stare
At a screen
Reading
Or watching
Other people's
Stories.
Time to justify all these pens
And the empty journals
Waiting to be used.

Today started out to be a not so good day

Recycle center closed until the 7th
Doughnut place was sold out.
Came to work, couple of stinky customer problems.
Got MY customer sorted-
Everybody else has been fine.

More and more every day
It looks like the Nazis who were elected last November
Are trying to dismantle our country.
I only hope God hears our prayers
And stops them.


July 4, 2017

New York
First known as
New Amsterdam
THE City
The Big Apple
Icon of America
For many.
Truly what we think of
When someone says
The Big City.


Last night we had Mother Nature's fireworks.
Thunder rattling the window,
Lightning's  blinding flash
Tonight we have the man-made
Variety
Pretty, but nowhere near as impressive.


July 6, 2017

Summer afternoon
Hot
Steamy
Busy
The library is cool
So we have
LOTS of people
In here.

My personality type is supposed to like plans
Well, when I have something specific to do, or someplace to go,
I like a plan to follow.
As far as goals, long term planning, I suck at that.
I meander along with no over-riding purpose -
Just getting through each day as it comes.

I need to get myself and Matt more motivated
and set some goals -
Maybe using our trip to NYC in the spring as a motivator for financial as well as fitness goals-
My biggest issue is laziness and being too easily tempted by instant gratification as far as eating and spending go.

We need more planning.

I also need a bit more of a life goal than just surviving.  We both need to have something to work toward---

 ----July 22, 2017----

Behold, a blank page.
Left unintenionally
in the midst of my writings.
So wrong to leave paper unused, as though my mind had suddenly gone mute.
It feels as though it does, sometimes.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with what must be processed - as though my intellect must sort through the input dump and weed out that which is itself poisonous, or which triggers toxic responses.
So often lately, dealing with my own body's betrayal I feel as though I will NEVER get all of this sorted and get my calm reasserted.  Order escapes me.
 Chaos seems to reign, at least inside my head.
And then phrases come
Like chants
Like prayers
Out of the maelstrom
And ask to be written down
For you have never left me alone  in the dark before
You have always let me see your light
And by that light, the beauty  of all that is -
You will  not abandon me now, I know.
I have only to reach for
Your hand...

-------------
July 14, 2017 (back to normal order of entries)
In eleven days I go to have cataract and glaucoma surgery.
Never thought I'd be anxious to get a surgery done, but because of the type of glaucoma I have -
It's best to go quickly so I don't go blind.
The idea of the surgery kinda creeps me out, and the risks, though very small, are also real and scary.
The alternative is even scarier.
The changes will be hard to deal with in the short term, but in the end my vision may just be better, and I MAY only need reading glassed once we're all done.  I will also, I hope, be less likely to have an acute attack and suddenly go blind. The drops I take will help this, too.

July 17, 2017

Just A Bunch Of Random Crap That Runs Through My Mind
(Wait. That sounds gross ...)
Things I Ponder In Odd Moments
(Much better.)

There seems to be a plague of mourning doves in Oklahoma.
Everywhere I go I see them.  There's even one nesting in the rain gutters on the house.

Why do I run out of energy when I most need it?

How can I seem so calm when I am running around screaming on the inside?

Why are eye drops such a pain?




July 22, 2017

My love, why do you make simple tasks so difficult for me?  Leaving things stuck on utensils and the sink, to dry into concrete I cannot easily remove?  Why do you eat too much of the things you should not?  Are you getting even with me for bringing those things here in the first place?
Well, the cheesecake filling was my fault.  I needed it for the strawberry pie.
And perhaps making that pie was selfish - but I needed the happy memories of my Pop and Mom, and the sweetness and the process of making something good with my own hands.  (While I still can, whispers that dark voice I've heard all too much of lately.)
I try for my own sake, and for the sake of those who must bear my company, to wrap myself in cheerfulness and positivity.
I do try to keep faith- as God has never yet let me down-
But oh, the darkness whispers terrible things to me.  Things like I'll be PERMANENTLY in the dark, blind, helpless, no hope of independence , denied my reading, writing, colors, all my beauties save music.
Sometimes the darkness whispers that I'll just die- some unanticipated reaction to the anesthesia - and a few may mourn, but most won't notice, won't care, that I've gone.
I KNOW that to be a lie.  I can FEEL the love that surrounds me, all the hearts I have cared for, who also care for mine.  Those who love my humor, my words, my music, those who bless me by being my friends, by allowing me to share with them - those kind enough to see me and love me for all my quirks.
And YOU, my love.  You most of all who love me enough to spar with me, grouse at me, annoy me, and know that I will not leave you. I will NEVER leave you by choice.  I will be here for you.  You need me.  I know.  I love you.  For always.




Even Halloween and all its supposed traditional terrors had nothing on high summer in Oklahoma for epic creepiness.
The blast of hellish south winds on oppressive air, and the dry-bones rattle of cicadas everywhere.
Ghoulish messages sent and received on the restless, sullen air.
In the evenings, the space - ship song of those same insects whines into the barely receding heat.  If   you look, the season's only blessing, the tiny, intermittent galaxies of fireflies in the deepening dusk.  But only if we leave the yard lights off.



There.  That's the latest from the writing journal.  Some stuff I really like in there, and some of the usual crap.  This is how writing works.  A lot like panning for gold.  You get a whole bunch of sand, and a few bright gold nuggets. 

Several Long Days in the Hot Pollen Filled Haze...

Had Jimmy Buffett on the brain today.  Well do I remember the "brown L.A. haze",  as I grew up breathing it.  It never wiped me out the way the air here does in the Summer.  Heavy, dusty, and pollen filled, the air here fills my head with cotton.  It makes it hard to sleep, hard to read, hard to exercise, hard to BE.  Only a few days every year are really this bad, but when they come, they hit hard.

Yesterday was perhaps a bit better because I was forced to be active because I had to work, and then friends came to visit. Today, we would have gone to church, but neither of us slept well last night.  I just could NOT settle down, couldn't get comfortable, and I guess I kept Matt awake.
Because of this lack of sleep, I feel even more muzzy-headed today.  Sleep deprivation on top of several doses of antihistamine is a real incentive killer.  Makes one feel like the proverbial bump on a log:  not capable of or inclined to movement.

Now that the surly, sultry sun has gone down, the air is cooler, and I feel more awake.  Ironic, isn't it? In an hour or two, I'll have to try to sleep, just when I've started to feel awake and ready to do things.  Sigh.  Story of my life.  Always feel the wrong way at the wrong time.  Lethargic and sleepy when I should be alert and paying attention; alert and attentive when I should be sleeping. I'm just contrary, I guess.  Especially in the late summer, when it's been too hot, and when Texas has been so generously sharing it's cedar pollen, and when our ragweed has come into full, profuse, and irritating bloom.

My high school pals, Senior year.

I don't often miss L.A., but when I do are the days like today, when it would have been great to be able to pack up and go to the beach, even if EVERYBODY else in the Universe seemed to be there, at least there would be the ocean to listen to.  I miss hearing the ocean.  I miss the pulse of it, the rhythm of the waves, the constancy of it.  Even though we lived a good way inland, we could always drive to the beach pretty easily, even when we lived in the San Gabriel Valley.  I liked going best in the cold weather, though, when there weren't anywhere near as many people.  The Northern California and Oregon beaches are more beautiful than the beaches down south where I grew up, except for the beaches on the windward side of Catalina, where the cliffs rise above the sea.  I have found beautiful driftwood and sea glass on the Oregon coast, and have seen such beautiful views from there, and from Catalina's far side.  Only got to those places once, but they made a lifetime's worth of an impression on me.  Cool breezes, beautiful blue and turquoise waters, lighter sand than I remember Huntington Beach having, and no refineries or huge crowds present.
There are no photos from our high school and college age trips to the beach.  No cell phones and their cameras then.  We never thought to bring a camera to make pictures, that was something our folks did.  Most of us were far too extensively photographed as children, we disliked cameras intensely most of the time.  I wish now we had been able to make some photos of our lazy beach days at Huntington State Beach, (where the parking was free), when we had all pooled our money for gas and for lunch at a fast food place on the way down and/or the way back.  The long drive out of the valley, using the surface roads, because they were SO much more fun than the freeway.  Out over Hacienda Blvd and all it's winding ways, eventually to Beach Blvd, a straight shot to PCH, and then, THE BEACH!  Took us an hour or more, but it was hilarious!  There were always other kids on their way to the beach, and we had a bit of a carnival atmosphere as we drove down.  My senior year in high school, I actually had the nerve to wear a 2 piece bathing suit.  No pictures exist of me wearing that suit.  I was too shy, really, to preserve that particular sight.  Besides, I would either constantly find fault with my image, or it would depress me now, because such a figure and such looks were wasted on such a shy and retiring girl as I was then.
Another rite of my high school years that I really miss is Hollywood Blvd Safari.  We used to make sure my girlfriend's Delta 88 had a full tank of gas, we all piled in, and headed out to Hollywood.  We'd cruise the boulevard and observe the nightlife, which in the late 70s, was indeed colorful, entertaining, and dangerous.  We had rules:  Keep all windows up and doors locked at ALL TIMES, and DO NOT INTERACT WITH THE NIGHTLIFE!!  We used to argue over whether some of those strutting the boulevard were girls or drag queens, but we never tried to find out!  If our parents had known we were doing that, we would STILL be grounded!  We had no mishaps, and were not traumatized by what we saw.  There was a beauty, an art to what we saw, it fit where it was, strange and wonderful, beautiful and forbidden. 
Though really, I wonder how we managed to never be pulled over by the cops on those trips...

Summer Reverie
By C.K.Armistead
August 31, 2014

Wrapped up in the cotton
That fills my head
Old memories thought forgotten,
Feared fled
Have come out to taunt me
With whispers of coolness
And a sweet ocean breeze
That I miss
The heat that bakes my brain
Draws out the things usually stored
Plays again the sad refrain
Of melodies lost and adored.

A  photo of me at the beach when I was 2 or maybe 3.

Now Is The Summer Of Our Discontent

Now is the summer of our discontent
We end each workday aching and spent
The loud gales of noisy childhood
Pierce our eardrums, chill our blood
The endless parade of picture books
That need sorting and critical looks
To ensure no damage has been done
Them on their journey's run.

But also a summer of renewed hope
As yes, we struggle to cope
Though to find ourselves needed,
Our help and services pleaded,
Helping young ones make a new start
Does much to soften the heart.
And seeing a child excited to read
Makes us all very glad indeed.


Summer is our busy time at the library.  We are THE place for kids to go for activities, books, fun, movies, and a place to cool off and relax for a bit. 
It is a good and glorious thing that our library is so important to our community, especially to our children. They have a safe place to come to, a place to learn on their own, meet their friends, or just fool around on the Internet for a little while.
We are also a resource for the entire community.  We have business services, and all sorts of computer classes for adults, book clubs, teen activities, many community groups have meetings in our meeting rooms, we're the happening place in town. 
It's true all year, but especially hectic in Summer.  The kids set goals and read books, or are read to by their parents, and so we have a lot more traffic both of people and of books in and out of the building.  Also, we have many special programs during the summer, and on program days (like today was), things can be pretty loud for a library.  I made six new library cards today in my two hour desk shift, and replaced several lost ones.  Summer is also the time for lots of that.  Many fines were paid, and since this is Fine Forgiveness week, some people actually got NO FINES on their very overdue items.  (It's all good, we get our stuff back, and they save some money.  )

This summer I am finding myself discontented because I have been having trouble losing any more weight, and indeed I have gained a few pounds.  I have about 14 pounds left to my goal.  I find it harder to stick to my diet because I want to eat more sugar to have more energy.  I also find it harder to work out as much as I should some days because it is so HOT outside.  Today went better, but last year, it seemed easier, seemed like the weight came off faster and easier, too.  Maybe it's just because I'm older.  Harder to get the old metabolism going fast enough.  Who knows?  Whatever the reason, it's bumming me out.  And I STILL haven't made it to the Farmer's Market yet this year.  Must try to go this Thursday during my "dinner" break.  It is, most conveniently, right next door to the library, in the Community Center parking lot.

Here's to Summer, a time that actually means more work for me, but a time that also allows us to spend more time in our gardens, relaxing and watching the birds and squirrels and rabbits that come by to visit our yard.