Trying to Count My Blessings

Today I am thankful for all the  usual things.  For our health, for a cozy home with a nice comfy bed, for enough food to eat, and enough clothes to wear.  For meaningful work, and the income it brings. 
I am thankful for these things, and thankful to live in a country where MOST people  have these things, while praying to see the day when everyone does.

I am thankful for the community I live in, for the friends and neighbors around me, for family, and for my online family as well.  So many of you are close friends now, people I would never have been  blessed to know otherwise.  Your kind words and shared jokes mean a lot.  I hope my words are also helpful to you.

I am thankful for our freedoms.  Freedom to choose which church to attend, or not to attend any at all.  Freedom to speak my mind, freedom to live where I choose to live, finances permitting. Freedom to be myself, even if I am sometimes unconventional.  (Though I will admit, they don't come a whole lot more conventional than I am...)

I am thankful for all those kids in the military, putting their lives on the line for us all, and for their families who wait anxiously at home, and dread late night phone calls, and really dread seeing somebody in dress uniform on their porch.  I have been there.  I've spent birthdays, Thanksgivings, Valentine's Days, Easters, and many other special days without my husband when he was active duty.  He was an aircraft Loadmaster, and he was gone a lot when we were first married.  During the first Gulf War, I spent our Anniversary and Thanksgiving without my husband.  I was alone in Germany, living off base on a farm.  (Our landlords were wonderful people.  They checked on me just about every day.) 
Matt got to come home for Christmas, only because his crew drew the lot for the plane scheduled to come home for maintenance that week.  He was gone for New Year's and my birthday, and Valentine's Day. 
So, I can relate at least a little to those families who are gathering around tables with an empty spot reserved for a loved one deployed.  We are so very grateful for their sacrifices, and for the service they so willingly give.  Proud to be part of the military family.  And we ARE a family, no matter which service, active duty or retired, we are family.  We look out for each other.  I still shop on base because my surcharge money supports the commissary system worldwide, keeping it open and healthy for the kids who need it today.  The BX supports Morale, Welfare, and Recreation services, so when I need something, I look there first. These  privileges are not just benefits my husband earned, they are a way to keep the facilities going for the kids who depend on them now.  Very thankful that we can do that.

So, as we prepare to overindulge in our plentiful food, with family and friends, we remember those who don't have enough food, or who are far from family and friends, and we pray that they may soon have enough and/or soon be home with their loved ones.  As we enjoy our good china and the cozy house, we remember those with no home, and pray they will soon have one.  We promise ourselves to continue to contribute time and money to groups that help bring those desired outcomes about.

My dear readers, I am thankful for you, and I pray the year ahead sees us all continue in good health, with everything we need, and at least some of what we want.
Blessing to all!

Poetic Ghosts

Poems found in old journals.

From 11/2/2005

The subtle process of poetry
Is lately rather lost to me.
I scratch a few pathetic lines
Wishing for more inspired rhymes.

Always interrupted by dog or cat
Or by laundry, or supper, or such as that
My work has dwindled down to naught
Or exists merely in the realm of thought.
-CK Armmistead

March 21, 2008

Oh glorious temptations
Oh bright forbidden fruits
Why do you call me constantly
Away from nobler pursuits?

Why make me dream of chocolate,
Of caramel and peanut butter,
Why tempt me with the evil fat
That causes my heart (and thighs!) to flutter?

Away, away oh fattening things
Do not dance before my mind's eye
Do not lead me to overindulge
For I must diet until I die!

-CK Armistead

Trying To Hear The Muse Through All The Noise

It's been one hell of a week.  I will be honest, I am disappointed with the election results, and disappointed in the stories of racially motivated violence I have seen.  We should be better than this, America.  Remember the Golden Rule.  It applies to EVERYBODY.  Don't be hateful, and don't stand by and let someone who is vulnerable be intimidated or possibly injured.  Be the real American, be kind, stand up against injustice, and remember that everybody is your neighbor, and you may need their help one day.
On top of all that goodness, Leonard Cohen died.  I know, he was 82, and by all reports, ready to go.  Still.  He was a poet and singer/songwriter of immense talent.  Not always the most pleasing voice, but an important one.  His words are often wafting through my brain.

11/9/16
By C.K.Armistead

And through this land of sorrows I stumble,
Lost, cowed, and humble
Wondering where to turn in my trouble
For God seems so far away
And it is dark
Though it is day.
And added to this grief I bore
Was the news that the troubadour
 Is no more.
And though the night seems endless long
I find myself surrounded by his song.
Its melody rises over the din
And through the cracks in my broken heart,
It lets the light of hope shine in.


Good night, Mr. Cohen. May light eternal shine upon you.




11/14/16

I weep not for you who have gone from this life,
I weep for those of us left behind
To try to make sense of a world without you in it.
So much loss.
So much pain.
So many cracks
In this broken heart.



On the upside,
The weather has finally begun to cool,
 The days are crisp
And the skies are blue
But not many leaves have turned
For all that they are starting to fall.

And my own music has worked out better than I thought it would.
My voice, though a bit strained, worked well.
Recital was successful.

Life must go on
We must be aware, though
Of those among us who feel
Vulnerable and as though
They are hated.
We must never let a few hotheads
Define all of us.
We must stand for justice
And mercy
For kindness
And inclusion.
Because there is enough in this land
To go around.
 If we work together
If we share
There's enough for all of us
And there is more than enough love
If we allow ourselves to feel it
Love is the only thing that multiplies
The more you spread it around.
So please, my fellow Americans,
Remember love.


That's about all I got right now.

Adventures In Pumpkin Carving - Or- How I Spent A Long Time Getting Ready for Halloween

This year, I decided to be bold, and try doing some fancy pumpkin carving. This was my husband's forte in the past, back when he had two steady hands.  He has some dental tools that a friend gave him for use in fine scale modeling.  They work very well for finicky pumpkin carving, too.

First challenge was to find pumpkins.  The first two I did, I did far too early, and did not do any preservative measures with, and they got very dry and brown.  The ones in the photo above are the first two I made.

SO, on the day before Halloween, we had to trek all the way down to the Homeland on Robinson in Norman to find pumpkins of sufficient size and quality to use for new jack o' lanterns.

Pumpkins acquired, I now had to clean them off. Most pumpkins will have some dried mud on them somewhere.  Always best to wipe them down with disinfecting wipes before you carve, or wash them as you would any other vegetable.

After that, it was time to open them up and scrape them out.  I used a small plastic scraper that was included in a set of "pumpkin carving tools" I had bought.  They are all useless, except for the scraper.  It makes it much easier to get all the stringy stuff loose, and to thin the wall behind your carving if, like me, you don't pierce all the way through the wall of the pumpkin when making your design.

Once the pumpkins are gutted, you can start marking the design.
 I printed out my desired designs, a "Vincent" face (from 1987's Beauty and the Beast TV series) designed by Claire Sieffert,

 and a Hellboy design based on artwork by Jonny Gillard. 

 Trim the design so you don't have an overabundance of extra paper to deal with.
Tape the design over the chosen surface of the pumpkin.  (I advise choosing the side with no little bumps or other things that might make it hard to see your markings when you go to carve the design.)
Make sure to smooth the design over the surface to that it sits as flat as possible.  This will mean making very small folds in places, usually just on the outside edges of the design. 
Once the design is in place, take up your chosen puncturing tool, and begin marking the areas to be carved.

Once you have pierced the surface to mark all the areas to be carved, use a marker (I prefer a chalk marker, as it is easily cleaned from hands and the surface of the pumpkin later) to darken the punctured areas.

Once that is accomplished, you can carefully remove the paper, saving it to use as a visual reference in case you get confused about which areas are being carved out.  (Believe me, it's easy to be confused on these complex designs.)

Once the marking is done, you are ready to start carving.  I didn't get an "in progress" photo of Hellboy, so here's Vincent in progress:

You will notice I am working outdoors.  There is a good reason for this.  Little chips of pumpkin go EVERYWHERE when you carve this way.  (The voice of bitter experience, that had to mop the kitchen, and clean coutertops, cupboard doors, and the backsplash clear across the room, speaking!)

Much careful carving and patience later, you will have a finished jack o' lantern.

(See all the bits of pumpkin around?  I wasn't kidding.  Do this OUTSIDE.)

Canned air (see it on the table, there?) is useful to get tiny bits of pulp out of the finished carving.  (Trust me on this, you're going to want to do it.) 
One thing I did not hear about until after I finished was that if you want the pumpkin to last a LONG time, coat all the cut surfaces and the inside with Vaseline, then spray with Clorox spray bleach (light blue bottle).  Wipe the shell that is still orange  dry, and let the bleach dry well before you put any light source in or the lid back on. 
I DID do the Clorox water bath immediately after I finished carving the second two pumpkins.  You fill your sink with about 5 gallons of water and add 3 tablespoons of bleach.  Mix it around, then dip the pumpkins in the bleach water, being sure to swirl it around inside the pumpkin as well.  Don't forget the tops, and drain well and let air dry thoroughly before you add your light source and your lid. 

Here are my two, on display Halloween night, lit with LED puck lights, so that the light would be strong enough to show through the designs.  If you like the flickery effect, you can use LED candles, but they may not be bright enough for use with pumpkins carved in this way.

SO, for those of you who wondered how on EARTH I did that, this is how.  It isn't really hard, just requires patience and being careful.

Also, I am sorry that I am so nerdy that most of my neighbors didn't know who my pumpkins were.  Hellboy is a comic book character created by Mike Mignola, that Ron Perlman portrayed in Guillermo Del Toro's film versions.  Vincent is the "Beast" from the Beauty and the Beast television series that ran from 1987 - 90, a role which won Ron Perlman a Golden Globe award.    Ron Perlman is my favorite actor, and these two are my favorite of all the characters he's played.  I've met the man a few times, and he is a genuinely nice guy. 
So check out the Hellboy movies and the Beauty and the Beast (1987 version) TV show and see what great stuff you've been missing!

Still Longing For Autumn, And It's The Middle Of October

Looking back at the journal again.  It's what you do when you write.  You try to salvage something from the bits and pieces your muse gives you every now and then, when it's feeling generous.
So far, I haven't had anything very long, but I have had a few bits I like very much.  I shared the previous gleanings, and now I'm taking a stab at the more recent words.

10/16/16

Some days Summer seems as relentless
In its grasp upon us in Autumn
As Winter does in Spring
As though reluctant to release its prize
To cooler days and chilly nights.
Much as Winter hates
To let us thaw in Spring's
Delights.













On delicate orange wings
The souls of the departed
Overcome many things
And soothe the broken-hearted
As they Southward wend their way
Getting to Mexico
By All Saints Day.

Or, as it is celebrated
 Dia De Los Muertos.
Day of the Dead
When graves are decorated
With favorite flowers and foods,
And even some small items
Depicting favorite activities
The families come
And have a picnic
And remember those gone before.
Life is celebrated,
It is not a mourning of loss
But a celebration of having
Had that person in their lives.
And the butterflies come
In their thousands
Every year
Souls coming home
To share the celebration.

10/17/16
Invisible
A poem about Beauty and the Beast (1987) For Cindy
 By C.K. Armistead
Often he feels invisible
The man inside the beast 
The soul behind the visage
Is human.
If any cared to look
A few loved ones know
They see him
They love the warrior/poet
In his soul.
But only SHE sees him
REALLY sees him
The noble poet
The ferocious warrior
The sum total
Of his burnished
Beautiful soul.
Only SHE sees it ALL
And loves unconditionally.

10/18/16

"Listen! The wind is rising 
and the air is wild with leaves,
We've had our summer evenings,
Now for October eves!"
-Wolfe

The above is one of the best  quotes I have ever seen about Fall

If only our weather would catch up-  
The wind rises all right,
But the temperature is too high
And not many leaves
Are aswirl on the wind as yet.


Bits of arias stuck
In my head
A throat too gunky
Yet to sing
Trying to loosen
Things up with medicine
And herbal tea
Don't know how successful
It will be
Hoping this is all
Finished before recital
Only singing one little
Aria
But I DO want it to
Come out as well
As I possibly can sing it -
I fear I sound far worse
Than anyone lets on
I don't think my pitch sounds right
When I listen to
Recordings - I sound flat.
At least to myself.


Yet another warm day
As if Summer is trying to say
I will not go- I refuse to budge!
Though Autumn stands ready
And Winter is a solemn judge.


10/19/16

When did personal responsibility
become a thing of the past?
Why do so many seek always
To blame someone else
for their mistakes instead of admitting
and learning from them?

Not my job
Not my fault
Always excuses
Never responsible
This generation
Accepts mediocrity
Instead of striving for greatness
Our parents felt
Obliged to sacrifice
For the benefits they enjoyed
Their generation
Survived Depression
Fought WWII
Won the Cold War
 Made the way
For all the good things
And Freedoms we enjoy
That we are busy
Squandering
By not being willing
To think of others
Of the greater good -
The needs of the Many
As Spock would no doubt remind us.



Cold quality to the late evening light
Soon our clocks will be set back an hour
To reflect this new reality.
The sunlight is golden, but pale
There are heavy clouds
But they do not cover the sky
They rumble with thunder as they
Sail by
While yet the sun
Does shine.

10/20/16

So long sitting
Need to move-
Alas, meetings.

  










10/23/16

I do hunger for food
For my body
But more so for my soul-
My spirit.
Something is lacking
Some voice needs
Strength
In order to sing.
A swarm of words
Batting around inside my head
Like moths around a light fixture,
Hitting the barrier,
But still striving,
Knocking into each other
Causing disruptions
Disconnects
Lost ideas
Fluctuations in the
Brightness
Of the light
That tries to shine
Through
To guide me out
Of silence
So unproductive
And into bounteous,
Joyous song.


That brings us to today.  When I sat in church, enjoying the liturgy as always, feeling part of something greater than myself, something ancient, ongoing, alive and vital still. 
Words and ideas battering my brain,
When I was constrained to remain
Silent
And listening.
Listening is good
Many times you hear what you NEED to hear
In that silence.
The silence where God speaks.
If only my mind would quiet down enough
To listen.



 

Gleanings From the Poetry Journal

The Current Poetry Journal and one of the ubiquitous fountain pens.

9/24/16

I am still not adept at reading subtle changes in the seasons.  I grew up without them.
It is a new art for me to pick out which details I see, and discern what is to come.
What can I learn from the fact that
The south wind today is both warm and cool
The caterpillars I see
Are all well covered in thick wool
The pecan tree out back
Is generously throwing nuts around
Which squirrels are both eating and hiding
With frenzied abandon
The sycamore trees
Seem out to get me
Throwing pollen laden
Ball bearing bombs
At me
To roll my ankle
and/or make me sneeze
As I walk through
The changing land.

9/27/16

Cool air again at last!
I have longed for this
The crispness in the air
That makes the sky look
Even more blue.

10/5 / 16

The sunlight is beginning to take on an Autumn cast
The angle changed, the quality less glaring and more golden
It should look about like Spring
But it does not
As there is so much more vegetation about now
To filter it, alter its colors,
Change what it can access.

10/ 6 / 16

Frustrations. Changes.
Sometimes change is good
But sometimes it just brings
Massive frustration with it.
I love the cooler weather,
But I don't like the
Fact that this cold front
Is kicking up thunderstorms
Ahead of itself
Like a bored kid
Kicking a can down the road.

10 /7/16/

A day wherein nothing
I need to do got done
The way I meant to do it
Such is life

10/10/16

Crunchy bits beneath my
Walking feet
Scuttling dry leaves following
Along behind me
Cloud ships a-sail on a
Clear deep blue sky
Ah, Autumn. 
Welcome back.

Am I invisible out there in the world?
Maybe.
I've gotten very good at it-
Being invisible.
I do know a few
Who
Always seem to see me
And seem glad that they do
A few that I love don't seem to see me
Until they do or say something
To let me know they do.
Perhaps it seems that I like being left alone.
I don't know.
Sometimes, that is true.
But others,
It is just sad
And lonely.

10/14/16 

It's October

The sky is grey and cloudy

The wind is up

There's a bite in the air,

 The crows are gathering

And calling to one another

Spooky,

And cool.

In more ways than one!

Pitter - patter of little feet

On my roof,

Little squirrel feet

Darting from acorns to pecans

Storing up good things to eat.

Knock, knock, knock

Over my head

Crow on the roof

Working to be fed

Trying his best to crack

A pecan 

Held in a claw

Hit with a beak.

I think he lost one.

 

10/14/16

The wind is up
It's out of the North
There's nary a hint
Of summery warmth

The dry leaves
Scuttle along with me
The crows are calling
From rooftops and trees

Pumpkin faces appear
Flickering on porches
Prompting laughter or fear
As Halloween approaches

Summer is dead and gone
Save for a warm day or two
Autumn sings  us its song
Saying Winter comes soon.

-by CK Armistead October, 2016.

10/ 15/ 16

Autumn Morning Walk

-by CK Armistead October 15, 2016

Today I walked with silence
No music buzzing in my ears
So I could hear the brilliance
Of the real world here
The always moist breath

Of the south wind
Mumbled rumbly past my ears
Cooler than last week
Making the trees whisper
Of colder winds to come
While squadrons of clouds
Ride north
Laden with promise
Or threat
Which one, I cannot say
On this early Autumn day.
A lone Monarch
Drifting lazily,
Miraculously
Still southward
In the lea of houses and tree
Headed for Mexico
In spite of the wind
Pushing back toward
The north.
Following an even stronger
Of Nature's imperatives.
My foot strikes an acorn
Still wearing his little hat
A treasure lost
By a hurrying squirrel
Perhaps
The trees have not yet turned
There have not been enough
Cool nights
For Nature to get out her
Paintbox
And give the trees their glowing
Autumn coats
That we all adore
A few leaves
Here and there
When the coldest breeze nips
Have gathered glowing colors
But only on the tips
Of their branches
The very sunlight has
An odd cast today
An unfamiliar angle
An a filtered quality

Making everything feel out of sync -
Speaking of the worries
afoot
Both in Nature's world
And Man's.

The light and clouds today.

Falling Thoughts

Such a beautiful morning.
Like that first one
Blue, blue sky
And bright, bright sun.
Small teasing breeze
Sifting through the trees
Children laughing, at play
Just as it was that day

That day before the loud
Shocking
Sickening sound
Of hate spilling over
The heart of our city
Wounding and killing
Evil without pity.

But this place
Defies that hate.
This place, like our city,
Is filled with love
And with pity,
Charity,
Mercy,
Peace.

It pours over you
As you walk
This quiet, lovely spot
Where once there was
Pain and destruction.
Finally I have the
Lovely image of this peace
Instead of the end of that
Ravaged building
In my mind.

I needed to see this,
Needed to actually walk here
To make peace with the sorrow
To no longer see
That ruined place
When I look up from the church cloister
So nearby.
Far too nearby.

Sleep well, dear beloved souls.
Dear little ones
Two of whom,
I knew their Aunt.
I still weep
Sometimes
For the potential lost.

This truly is the heart
Of this city,
Indeed,
Of the state.
The love poured out
On those who suffered loss
On those who came to help
On each other to see us through.
April 19,1995
Was the day I became an Oklahoman.

To See Changes
C.K. Armistead
9/24/16

I am still not adept
At reading subtle
Changes in the seasons
For I grew up without them.
Seasons, that is.
It is a new art for me
To pick out which details
I see and discern
What is to come
What I can learn
From the fact that
The south wind today
Is both warm and cool
The caterpillars I see
Are all
Well covered in  thick wool.
The pecan tree out back
Is generously throwing
Nuts around.
Which the squirrels are
Both eating
And hiding
With frenzied abandon.
The sycamore trees
Seem out to get me
Throwing pollen-laden
Ball bearing bombs
At me
To roll my ankle
And/or make me sneeze.
No leaves have turned as yet
No cool nights as yet have
Blessed us
But the calendar says
Fall has begun.

 Journal entry: Sept. 22, 2016

I stood this day upon sacred ground.
Ground where innocents were injured and killed
Where a community's innocence was lost.
I stood,remembering little ones I had never met,
but whose loss still made me weep.
I found the name of a friend on the Survivors list,
and offered a little prayer of thanks
That she survived,
That she is still here
To tell her story,
To be loved, to be my friend,
And my sister in Christ.
She, who stood with me at my Confirmation at St. Paul's,
Our church, just two blocks away.

The place is beautiful,
It is amazingly quiet
In spite of the city teeming all around it.
Every Sunday, and most Wednesdays for the past 21 years,
I have passed this place, spent time in its shadow,
In the shade of all that happened that day.
My church family survived a journey in the wilderness -
Worshiping in our parish hall for almost 2 years while our beautiful
Cathedral was rebuilt.
So much time has passed, but sometimes,
Especially when I walked into that sacred space of the Memorial,
It seems so fresh, I feel it all again.
There are children who have grown up, and new members of our church family, who do not remember that day, that time.
The horror, the hurt, the confusion is alien to them. The museum helps.  It makes that moring live again, gives visitors a sense of how ordinary the day was- 
Until 9:02 am, anyway, and how after that,
Nothing here was ever the same again,
Especially us.


My husband made his first visit to the Memorial today.  He hasn't been there since he worked as a volunteer with the contingent sent from Tinker AFB to help remove rubble.  I think he found some measure of peace with the fact that healing has happened in that place, that all the hands that came to help were appreciated and added to the love that surrounded our wounded heart that day, and in the weeks following.