Why Are You Haunting Me, Tallulah?

Every time I get a sinus cold, I eventually sound like Tallulah Bankhead.  I always knew this to be so, my own mother told me when I was a teen that I sounded EXACTLY like Tallulah Bankhead when I had a cold.  After watching Lifeboat and a couple of other things she was in, I came to agree with my mother. 
Tallulah Bankhead was from Alabama, as was my mother.  Ms. Bankhead was from an entirely different part of the social strata than my mother, however.  My grandfather was a school teacher during the Depression, which means he was unemployed a lot.  Her grandfather was a U.S. Senator. 
When I was younger, and didn't have so many singing commitments, sounding like Tallulah was funny, and could be fun, sometimes.  Tallulah does not sing first soprano.  I do.  This is a problem.
These days, I sing in two different choirs, and I have voice lessons once a week.  I do not like to let people down, and when Tallulah hangs around, as she has been, I can't sing very well, and I feel like I'm letting my directors and my voice coach down. 
The other problem is Tallulah's personality.  She can be quite sarcastic.  She is a lot funnier than I am.
If I let her loose, I am afraid I will make many problems for myself.  Here are some of the challenges Tallulah brings with her:

  I answer the phone at work with my voice like this, and people pause a LONG time before they ask "Is this the library?" ("No, Darling.  It's the city morgue.  Who are you looking for?")

The older gentlemen who come to the desk do a double take when I speak.  They know I don't normally sound like that. ("They're old enough to remember Tallulah, Darling." )

I develop the unfortunate tendency to call everyone "Darling."

After hearing me on the phone, one of my friends suggested I try working for the phone sex lines.  ("Oh, please, Darling.  I'd die of boredom.")

When it's time to do closing announcements, I must fight the temptation to say "Listen kids, it's been fun, but we have to close the place down now.  Sorry to be a wet blanket, Darlings, but go home!"

Our choir director gets such a kick out of hearing me like this, he actually talks to me on purpose so I'll answer.  ("You can't blame the man for having good taste, Darling.")

Tallulah overcame a lot in her life.  I have read her autobiography, and I recommend it.  It is an interesting read.  I don't mind as much having her stop by for a visit anymore.  It just gets frustrating when she won't give me back my singing voice.  That she could get through the things she had to deal with and still be so funny, well, she was really a class act.  Even if she had a bad reputation in some circles.  Alabama is still proud of her, and that should tell you something.  (Of course, Southerners are very tolerant of eccentric relatives, so maybe they view her that way...)

She and I have one thing in common.  She was Episcopalian, when she attended church, that is.  Seems her father sent her to the Episcopal church because her mother had been Episcopalian.  I married into it.  I love it, though, the tradition, the music, the very real love and faith of the people at our church.  Episcopalians are not averse to having fun.

Since we almost never have bourbon in the house, she'll have to settle for a little of the Jameson's tonight.  Sorry Tallulah, Darling, but this Celtic girl likes her Irish and her single malt Scotch better than bourbon.  (Not often, but once in a wee while.)
Here is a picture of Tallulah.  She was indeed beautiful.